


Addiction

by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney



Series: Angsty/Fluffy/Smutty Klance One Shots from Tumblr [17]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Series, klance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:03:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 80,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16778311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney
Summary: It all started with a hookup. Except, maybe that was never what it was meant to be. After all, Lance had always challenged his expectations, always did something more to surprise him. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to indulge in it a bit. A little fun never hurt anyone.A spinoff to Medicine, also Keith's POV in moments you don't see him in Side Effects. :)





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Medicine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16698850) by [i_write_shakespeare_not_disney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney). 



> This first chapter takes place AFTER Medicine and BEFORE ch.1 of Side Effects

When Keith heard the knock on the door, he had to belatedly admit to the cheesy little butterflies that filled his entire being. He thought it would be Lance coming back to say some other perfectly cheesy, unbelievable thing. That he'd come back to give Keith another soft kiss that tasted like blueberries. 

He wasn't expecting Shiro with that disappointed Big Brother look on his face. It made all the butterflies drop dead. Drenched them in acid doused the remains with gasoline and a lighter. 

“Hey.” 

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “You know I'm not taking that hey for real.” Keith rolled his eyes. “Who the hell was that guy? You barely met him, and you already brought him in here to-”

“I didn't barely meet him; we met at the party last week.” 

“Oh, well since you've known him a week, yeah sure, bring him to your room,” Shiro said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Keith grimaced and plopped back to his bed, laying back and hating but loving the way his body tingled at the leftover scent of Lance's cologne wafting up from the sheets, the smell of some sweet shampoo rising from the pillow. 

Then he remembered Shiro was there, and his light feeling faded. “What does it matter, I'm at least being safe. Condoms and everything. It's not like I'm expecting anything out of-” 

“Dammit, Keith that's the problem!” Keith sat up, eyes widening at the way Shiro’s voice rose. 

Shiro didn't yell at Keith. Not if it wasn't to call him from the living room or in the middle of a video game due to the hype. The last time Keith remembered Shiro yelling at him was the night Keith had told his parents he didn't want to get adopted. Before that, it would be reprimands telling him to get his act together in school, to stop going around with the little assholes that grouped together and liked to graffiti the sides of tattered stores and shops. Mostly stern talks that only escalated to yelling because Keith would talk back, talk over him. 

Even in light of the reckless way he flirted and fucked, Shiro had only sighed and shook his head, having the usual Adult Conversation with him. 

Now though, he seemed to have reached a limit and that made Keith feel sick to his stomach. 

“Keith, this isn't about you being safe or about the fact that you sleep around. It's not even about the fact that it's with strangers half the time. It's the fact that I know you and I know you're doing this to screw yourself over. I don't know why, I don't know what the hell happened but…. I can tell it's tearing you apart to keep doing this. And I can't stand seeing you break your heart over and over again.” 

“I'm not,” Keith insisted. Shiro fixed him with a look. “I'm not!” 

Shiro sighed and rubbed his face. “I don't even know what to ask or how to help right now,” he admitted. He looked at the door then back at Keith. “The last time you got your hopes up on someone… it didn't end well.” Keith clenched his jaw and curled into himself. He had half a mind to kick Shiro out. The only reason he didn't was because Shiro was the one person Keith truly loved and respected. “But I also don't think it's healthy for you to keep flinging yourself into these dead end hookups any time you get the chance. Even if you don't get your hopes up, I see how it bugs you.” 

“I'm fine,” Keith muttered. It was in fact a double edged sword he was playing with. 

On the one hand managing to fuck someone cute whenever he wanted felt like an ego boost, an extra fuck you after the big break up to say  _ I never fucking needed you.  _ On the other hand, Keith didn't like how often he came to realize the guy he snagged was just “so drunk and horny” or was already dating someone after the sex. He hated how purely hedonistic sex had become because he wasn't expecting cuddles or pillow talk, so he stopped really caring about a connection and focused more on chasing the pleasure to get rid of the person as soon as possible. 

He was tired. But he was also lonely. 

He was confused and not entirely sure what to think of Lance. It only made sense that after sex Lance would be done too. He's satiated his curiosity, his pride. But then- 

“He asked me out on a date.” Shiro furrowed his eyebrows and sat on the edge of the bed. “His name is Lance. He came to look for me today and he introduced me to his friends and kept… holding my hand.” Keith's eyebrows knit together. “It was weird, but… nice.” 

“Then you fuck him and he goes.” Shiro's voice wasn't judgmental. He sounded sad. Like He was full of pity for Keith, and that…. Frankly, it pissed him off. 

He got up and started pacing back and forth, his arms crossed. “Actually no. He stayed. He asked me out on a date, started talking to me asking me about stuff I like and telling me about some stuff he likes and he only left because his friends called him and he asked for my number and then he left.” 

He stopped pacing and stared at Shiro who was looking back at him tiredly. “You don't think he's gonna call.” 

Keith felt something heavy come over him and he signed, sitting back down beside Shiro. “I don't know,” he whispered. “I want him to. But I don't want to want him to. It just seems like so much trouble to go through convincing me, just to take it all back, but…. He's never been with a guy before. In any sense. Never dated, kissed, much less….” He halfheartedly gestured to the bed. “Not before me.” 

“Keith, you know-”

“Yeah, I know. I do know. I told him he was just… that I didn't think he would… god but he's so weird, like….” Keith shook his head and rubbed his face tiredly. His hands smelled like Lance- cologne and sweat. He could feel the ghost of his lips on his neck. He missed the warmth that came from nuzzling against him. 

They were all dangerous emotions to have for a half stranger who had been straight all his life until happening upon Keith. 

At first the concept had been exciting. Knowing Keith was seen as attractive and rugged enough to make a straight boy waver, to make them beg to get their hands on him. It felt like being a god. 

Then he just started feeling used. Each time the guys regret what they'd done, no matter how much they'd screamed his name and begged for more in bed, it always ended with that fucking regret. It made Keith feel dirty like he'd coerced them, but he hadn't. It made him feel worthless because these guys pretended he was nobody. It made him feel stupid because he didn't know how he expected anything more. 

But Lance was… different from the start. He hadn't begged for Keith to touch him, he'd begged to touch Keith. He'd come back for him. Kissed him on front of people who knew him. Lance had told his friends about him. He'd stayed with Keith longer than he needed to and… maybe he  _ would  _ call. 

“Well. He was cute. Nice eyes,” Shiro offered, dropping the reprimands that were making Keith feel guilty. “What happens if he does call?” 

Keith shrugged. “I guess… I go on a date. I don't know if he'll want a second date, but I could… at least go on one. He seems sincere. Naive as hell, but… sincere.” He shrugged again and looked at Shiro. 

“And if he breaks your heart I have total permission to bash his face in?” 

Keith laughed aloud at that. “I can do that for myself, but sure, you can do that in addition to me.” Shiro smirked and nodded. “Also… how did you even know I was in here?” 

“I was trying to find you because some guy was looking for you. Said you ditched him so I didn't know if it was on purpose or if he did something or I don't know. Ran into a friend and they said you were in here. Heard some noises I don't ever wanna hear again.” Keith blushed at that, grimacing at the memory of how Lance had made him fall apart as well as the fact that his  _ brother  _ had heard it. “So I just sort of… stayed near the back door, checking now and then to see who came out.” 

Keith's face paled. “Did you say something to him?” 

With an embarrassed grin, Shiro nodded and said, “Just told him to stay out of the house….” 

Keith sighed and fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “Cool, so he's not calling.” 

“Don't be so melodramatic,” Shiro muttered. “Alright well… people are starting to leave and stuff. Wanna order pizza and watch Stranger Things again?” 

Keith smiled and nodded. 

It was well after three in the morning by the time everyone left, nearly four by the time Shiro managed to find a 24 hour pizza place to deliver. 

They were halfway through an episode of Stranger Things when Keith's phone went off. He stared at the strange number, nearly swiping to hang up when Shiro said, “Damn, he's already calling?” 

“He? What do you- oh my God. You think it's Lance?” 

“Answer and find out, dumbass!” 

Keith scolded and answered with an anxious, “Hello?” 

Shiro smirked throwing napkins at him until Keith stood up to keep talking, his heart hammering at the sound of Lance's voice.

It wasn't a long phone call…. And yet by the time he hung up, he couldn't wipe the ridiculous smile off of his face. 


	2. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith's POV will eventually get longer chapters, but for now I'm going bit by bit. This takes place after Side Effects ch. 1

Walking into the house felt like a haze. Keith couldn’t stop touching his lips and going over the entire date in his head. 

Whenever Keith felt certain of what to do, Lance would do something and change the game plan. Keith had planned on being smooth and stoic the whole time, emitting the “bad boy” persona most people seemed to attribute to him. But then Lance was so unabashedly cheesy and sweet and romantic and… honest.

So he figured he could play into it. Flirt back, be corny like the movies. Only it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel comfortable or natural. He’d done it before, but doing that with Lance on a first date just didn’t seem right. 

Then he tried being honest. Which worked. Lance seemed eager to learn about him, and even when Keith panicked and regretted saying anything, Lance would ease off, patiently waiting for Keith to be okay with sharing. But being honest felt so vulnerable. It felt too trusting. And Keith didn’t want to trust Lance just yet. 

But God, that had been… the best possible first date he could’ve had. 

He liked the movie. And he liked the way he could always tell what Lance was thinking during it. He was pretty vocal, clipped laughs, scoffs, gasps, all of it. Keith never had to wonder what Lance thought about a certain part of the movie because Lance made it so clear. It was… cute. 

And he definitely liked the arcade. Lance didn’t seem scared to challenge him, to test him. He definitely wasn’t about to let Keith win. But the look on his face when he saw Keith dance…. It was a look of pure astonishment and even joy. Like Keith had just let him in on a secret part of him, which he sort of had.

Dancing was important to Keith. It had saved him. It was something special and significant, and he enjoyed it. Even he was surprised when he told Lance about it. 

The diner was fun, and that first date kiss had definitely left him weak-kneed. 

But the part that was mostly standing out in Keith’s mind wasn’t in any of those places. It was in the parking lot of the diner. It was a split second. But it was the thing that had Keith entertaining the idea of… something more. 

“Keith?” He heard a slight knock on his door before it opened. “How was the date?” 

Keith smiled at the ceiling and sighed. “Good. Really good.” He sat up and looked at Shiro, hopeful and afraid. “I think he means it when he says he likes me.” 

Shiro raised an eyebrow. Keith could tell he was apprehensive, but he wanted to be supportive. It wasn’t like Keith fell for people often. Obviously something merited his level of hope. “Come to the kitchen, I was making myself a coffee. Tell me how it went.” 

Keith scrambled up and went on about the date, laughing as he recounted the challenge at air hockey and the dance game. He told Shiro how Lance always asked to be sure the physical contact was okay even with something as small as hand-holding. He told him about how Lance’s eyes lit up when he talked about his siblings or about Hunk and Pidge. He told Shiro how focused he got when Keith spoke, and how his knee was always bobbing up and down no matter what if he was sitting. 

“He said he hadn’t really thought about what his parents would say about him liking a boy.” 

“So he’s not telling them?” 

Keith smiled and bit his lip. “He said, ‘I don’t know what my parents will say when I tell them about you.’  _ When.  _ Not if. I think… I think he really means it, Shiro. I mean, he said he’s still kind of scared since he thought about it, but he wants to tell them, and… if he was just experimenting or something, there’s no way he would do that. Right?” 

It was quiet for a bit as Shiro sipped his coffee and thought. Keith felt like he was going to explode. He wished someone could just tell him whether this would work or not so he would know whether to get excited or not. 

“I mean, it’s one thing to say he’ll do something and another to do it. But the fact that he’s going to these lengths for you… yeah, I’d say he really means it, Keith. And he’s a big step-up, so….” 

Keith rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Am I being stupid, Shiro? I mean, I know I barely know him, but it  _ feels  _ different. Which is stupid to say because that's what they say in movies, and this isn't a movie-” 

“Keith.” Keith stopped talking and looked at Shiro. He was smiling at him, his expression gentle maybe a little teasing. “You're 21 years old. This is the best time to be stupid. As your brother, yeah, I'm a little hesitant about this, but that's my job. You shouldn't worry. Maybe it's time you let yourself have a little fun in a healthier way. Get to know him, go on dates, don't be scared to be excited about this.” 

“But… what if it goes bad? What's the point of being excited over something that ends up being a disaster?” 

“What's the point of waiting for the worst in something that could be the best thing?” Shiro took a sip of his coffee through a smirk. 

Keith huffed. “Now you're gonna get all philosophical.” Shiro laughed, and it eased Keith's nerves a bit. “I don't know. He's really sweet. I think he means what he says. I'm just scared that he's living in this bubble. Then once he tells his family or we argue he's gonna snap out of it and take it all back.” 

“Maybe you should tell him that. Even if he says you're wrong, at least he'll know why you're holding back.” Keith shrugged. “Or maybe you can tell him what happened. About… you know…  _ him,  _ and Roland.” 

Even with one remaining unnamed, Keith couldn’t help the roll of fury that coursed through him. Followed by the shame and heartache. He couldn’t bear the idea of Lance’s name being added to that list of people. “Lance already knows I had a crappy past with people. He doesn’t need to know specifics.” 

There was a sigh that made him look up from the table. “Everyone’s gotten their heart broken. Everyone’s had someone who broke their trust. I’m sure Lance has his own stories too. But it’s the specifics that can help him and you. If you’re really as excited about this as you seem to be, then you’ve gotta talk to him.” 

“Maybe later. We barely had our first date,” Keith answered. He got up and gave Shiro a smile. “Thanks for talking with me. I’m kinda tired, so I’m gonna knock out.” 

“Goodnight.” Keith waved and headed back to his room. 

Like clockwork, about ten minutes after Keith had gone to bed, he heard Shiro’s door click shut. He heard the distant, muffled hum of a TV. 

So Keith grabbed his headphones and opened his window. He climbed out, reminiscent of his teenager days at the Shirogane household. It wasn’t that he couldn’t go out whenever he wanted or that Shiro would get upset if he left. He just didn’t want Shiro worrying, wondering where he was going when Keith didn’t want to tell him. 

He started walking along the sidewalk, following a path he would know blindfolded. It was quite a walk, but if he’d grabbed his motorcycle, Shiro would’ve heard him. Still, he trekked on, like he  _ needed  _ to be there. 

Until he reached a shabby gas station with a taco stand on one side, a smoke shop on the other. He walked to the back of the building where the dumpsters were, and knelt down to sit on his heels, balancing on the balls of his feet. 

He stared up at the giant mural of a dragon and a griffin twirling around each other, roaring at each other. The griffin decorated with a golden glow and the dragon surrounded by flames. A lot of the graffiti Keith had witnessed being created were surprisingly well maintained. The hands that created them had been gifted and put a level of detail that even the biggest cynic would look at it and recognize it as art. 

Just near the main highway, Keith had watched up to ten faces being sprayed throughout two weeks. A newborn baby, Marilyn Monroe, Frida Kahlo, an old friend, some famous general, an old woman with various wrinkles. A few others he didn’t know, but had been fascinated by all the same. Usually, anything graffitied by highway would get painted over. But not those faces. 

Like those, this particular graffiti was also kept pristine despite the dumpsters being so near. It wasn’t as vibrant as it had been the evening it was created, but it wasn’t as faded as other graffiti and tags on other stores. Of course, no one dared to paint over it with new graffiti when they saw the signature. 

Keith stared at the art, remembering the day it was made. He’d missed an exam in his AP Stats class that day, skipped lunch and AP Bio just to be there. He remembered chewing Starbursts as he sat on the ground, watching the way colors came together so easily. The way the forms of the bird and the dragon were created. He remembered playing music on his phone, listening to a soothing voice singing along and asking Keith to toss a water bottle now and then. 

He hated how fond he was of those memories still. 

Could he tell Lance about these memories? He was a college junior, and everything with…  _ him  _ had happened in high school. But even after all this time, Keith couldn’t even say his name. And then there was Roland, and that just… ruined all progress Keith had made for moving on. 

Now Lance came out of nowhere, being all gentlemanly and funny and… so honest. It was like the universe was apologizing for the assholes by sending Lance. Only, he was  _ too  _ perfect. And that made Keith even more suspicious than if Lance had been a typical player-type. 

Sometimes Keith wished he wasn't so broken. Wished he could throw himself into something without panicking and overthinking and fearing. But he also knew it was better this way. It kept him from being hurt. It helped him know what to expect, what to look out for. 

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and pulled it out. 

_ Hey I just got home! I had a really great time with you today. I hope I didn't push too much or anything. And if you want to hang out without it being a date I'd be down for that too!  _

_ But like only if you want to don't feel pressured  _

_ It's cool _

_ But I do just fyi.  _

_ Sorry, okay goodnight!  _

Keith chuckled as he read the messages. He tapped his phone against his chin as he looked back at the graffiti. He took a deep breath and stared at his phone screen. 

_ I had a great time too. Thanks for a fun first date.  _

_ And yeah. I'd like that too.  _


	3. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after ch. 2 of Side Effects (post cuddles)  
> It's also still technically being posted on Tumblr, but it's 1:39 am, I'm impatient, and I'm sleepy lol 
> 
> Also if any of you have read previous works, you know I'm a playlist person sooooo I'll be linking that! It's a playlsit that encompasses all three stories in the series from both Keith and Lance's POV.
> 
> Go follow me on IG where I'll post little doodles of future stuff for the series and all that jazz @phoenix_iwsnd (acronym for my username here "I write shakespeare..." yadda yadda :D
> 
> Also I read every comment! It might take me a bit to respond because my dumbass forgets, but I read them and I love them and I WILL answer <3 (sorry for typos btw most of this gets written on my phone.

[Lovesick (the Series) Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/1224838706/playlist/2VsrJzWMQFTf8oXZtdhB8x?si=GFb7CZ-BQoKaSpUjX8x5UA)

The night before felt like a blur. After leaving Lance’s apartment, Keith was so dazed and tired, he only knew he’d made it home and somehow managed to get to his bed to fall asleep. He was still thinking about Lance and the taste of his lips and the warmth of his hands on his face and the way his smile lit up his face. It was all he could think about, like some high schooler bitten by a love bug. 

Even as he fell asleep, he found himself already missing Lance’s warmth beside him. 

By morning, he was rushing to get to school on time, shoving his extra clothes into his gym bag and speeding down the streets. He managed to find parking that wasn’t too far from where they held their dance practices, and he ran into the building, taking the stairs two at a time. 

When he got inside, everyone was still stretching. He left his stuff by the wall and went to stretch beside Alexa. She had asked him to help her with her duet performance, and over the course of the rehearsals, he’d come to find he enjoyed her company. She was quiet and reserved, so being around her meant Keith could pretend he was more social than he was without actually being so. 

She looked up at him when he plopped beside then did a double take, a smirk playing on her face. 

“I take it you had fun last night?” 

“Huh?” 

Alexa snorted and raised her eyebrows. “The hickeys on your neck. I mean, either that, or you’re  _ very  _ kinky.” 

Keith felt his face turn red faster than he would appreciate as he recalled Lance kissing his neck. He hadn’t actually given himself time to look at himself in the mirror, so he’d forgotten. He pulled his phone out and used his camera to see himself. 

“ _ Lance!”  _ he growled, taking in the dark splotches of purple, fuschia, and almost bluish bruises blossoming on his pale skin. They look almost painful, but… there was definitely no pain when he was receiving them.

“They match your eyes,” Alexa offered, bending forward to wrap a hand around her foot. “Who’s Lance?” 

Keith stowed his phone away and shrugged. “A friend.” Alexa snorted at that and shook her head, not bothering to press. 

She got up and bent over, touching the floor with her palms flat on the ground. “When you're done stretching get to me so we can go over the dance. We get to practice our individual ones before group today.” 

Keith nodded, and she walked away to a back corner. As he stretched his legs, he grabbed his phone and took a picture of Lance’s handiwork, sending it to him with the caption;  _ You really went for it huh?  _

He saw the instructor come in and quickly pocketed his phone. He doubted Lance was even awake yet. The guy never answered a text until nearly ten or eleven depending on the day of the week. 

Once he was done stretching, he got up to rejoin Alexa. She didn’t really speak, Keith just took his spot sitting in front of her, mirroring her position. Just like that, Alexa began counting, and Keith was working off of muscle memory, keeping up with her in the movements, scoffing at the occasional, “Don’t drop me!” 

A lot of the dance depended on him being able to hold Alexa’s weight as well as his own, and really, that was Alexa’s doing. It was part of the reason she chose Keith as her partner. He was nimble enough to make the dance as graceful as her, but strong enough to hold her up. So he wished she had a little more faith in his ability to keep her from falling to the ground. 

Sure enough they made it through the dance without losing their balance like they used to when they were first figuring it out. Before they could go over it again after talking out some rough parts and tweaks, the instructor called the whole group together. There weren’t many of them. Their dance team only consisted of 12 people. Keith supposed it was because most other dancers had outside groups or were part of the theater major. 

After a few rambles- and a keen side-eye from her- the instructor turned on the stereo and music sounded through the room. Everyone immediately took their spots and Keith narrowed his focus to the beat of the music, the automatic counting in his head, the movement of his limbs. 

It didn’t even matter that Roland was beside him in this formation. Not when he was dancing. When Keith danced, he was more in control of himself and his body than ever. Nobody could take that from him. Not even Roland. 

As the music ended, another song replaced it. Three more songs left Keith sweaty and thirsty, his muscles warm and tired. Before he could let himself rest, he went to Alexa to see if she wanted to rehearse their dance again. 

“Save it for this afternoon. I have to get back to my place for a shower before class.” She patted his shoulder and left. 

As Keith started for his duffel bag, the instructor called for him. He turned to see her with Roland to one side, and his stomach clenched. He gave Keith a hateful flat before he walked away. 

Keith reached the instructor and nodded. “Yeah, Colleen?” 

She looked him over, arching an eyebrow before saying, “How would you like to be the dance captain?” Keith's eyes widened and he looked back at the door where Roland had just walked out. “Roland has missed practices and been late to most others. He may be a good dancer, but he doesn't take it seriously. I think you would do a better job in the position.” 

Keith hesitated. He wanted the title. It would look great if he ever wanted to find another team when he was done with college. But he wasn't charismatic like Roland. Still, if Colleen thought he could do it, then why not give it a shot? 

He smiled and nodded. “I'll do my best,” he promised. “Thank you so much.” 

She smiled back at him with a proud gleam in her eyes. As he left, she called after him. He turned and she tapped her neck. “I want those covered up by performance time.” 

Keith blushed and nodded. “Yes, ma'am.” He left the practice room and started for the bathroom to change. 

Almost as soon as he opened the door, he felt a pair of hands shove him back against it, an arm at his throat and a hand on his chest keeping him pinned. Keith knew who it was before his brain could catch up and focus. 

“Get the hell off me, Roland.” 

“Captain was  _ my  _ title. What the fuck did you say for her to boot me?” 

Keith wrenched his arm away and glared. “Nothing. It's not my fault she thinks your irresponsible.” Roland scowled, but Keith cutoff his reply. “You wouldn't even have had the position if it weren't for me. You fucked it up, not me. Stop blaming me for anything that goes wrong for you.” 

Roland shoved him against the wall again, hands at shirt. “You've had it out for me since I dumped your manipulative ass-” 

“Manipulative? I didn't manipulate you into anything. It's not my fault you couldn't get it up for your girl unless you were thinking about me.” 

Roland yanked him from the wall, rearing an arm back to swing but Keith ducked, hearing his shirt rip slightly from the grip Roland had on it. 

“Tearing my shirts off again, baby?” Keith teased. “And here I thought you weren't into it.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Roland was shaking, fixing Keith with a look that could kill. “I'm not into dudes. You fucked with my head, and now you keep fucking up my life.” His eyes skimmed over Keith's neck. “Who's your newest victim? How long until he realizes you're just a fun little experiment he's gonna want to forget?” 

“Not everyone is as closeted as you,” Keith growled, trying not to let the words sink into him. 

“I'm not-!” Roland scowled, then scoffed and smirked. “It's what you're  _ known  _ for, Keith. You're the guy who gets straight guys drunk enough to want you to help them with blue balls. I'll admit you had me had me hooked a little longer, but I know better now. You just put out so easily-” 

Keith hadn't realized what he was doing until he had already tackled Roland to the floor and had landed a good hit that landed with a satisfying crunch. But he couldn't stop.

All of the feelings from when Roland had broken up with him resurfaced. Those feelings of being used, of being lied to, of feeling like an idiot, heartbroken and naive. All the hatred for Roland and guys like him, the ones before and all the ones that came after. That feeling of worthlessness that settled so deeply in him, he wasn't really sure he'd even gotten rid of it yet. 

It wasn't until Roland caught his hand and twisted enough to make Keith pull back that he stopped punching him. Roland had a split lip and his nose bleeding. Keith hadn't gotten that angry in a long time. 

He stayed on the ground, staring at his knuckles, smeared with blood and shaking slightly. Roland pulled himself up with the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. 

“Fucking psychopath,” he hissed, without even looking at Keith before he stumbled out of the bathroom. 

Keith yanked at the roots of his hair, trying to ground himself. He kept remembering the fascinated look in Lance's eyes the day he took him to the shed. The way he was obviously new at touching a guy, but unafraid to try. The look on his face when he'd found Keith dancing a week later, all lust and jealousy. 

How it mirrored so much of Roland when they first started. Though their first kiss had been hesitant and slow. Keith unsure if he was wanted, Roland unsure if he wanted to indulge in wanting Keith. But the same unsure touches, the same eagerness to learn. 

Only to be dropped a month later, with Roland insisting he had just been lonely, he wasn't into guys, he wasn't into Keith, and Keith had taken advantage of the fact that Roland was on rocky ground with the girlfriend he had. The one he broke up with for Keith then later left Keith for. Except he'd gotten drunk a week later and went looking for Keith, practically throwing himself at his feet, and Keith had been so pathetically in his hands, ready to have him back to forgive him and…. 

Lance swore he wasn't experimenting. But what if a month later he realized he wasn't seriously into this? Why did Keith keep falling for these guys that didn't seem to know what they wanted? 

It was no wonder Shiro wanted Keith to stop sleeping around. He did have a fucking reputation. 

Keith got up and washed his hand off, splashing his face with water. 

He pulled his phone out to check the time and saw a message from Lance. 

_ I mean, I can start leaving them in places people wouldn't see 🤔🤔🤔 _

Keith scoffed. Another message came in. 

_ But in all seriousness, is that okay? I realize I didn't ask and now I feel bad 😭 _

Keith bit his lip and looked up at the mirror. The way the hickeys bloomed across his pale skin so clearly reminded Keith of the way Lance had draped over him, working against his throat in a way that made Keith feel like he was being worshipped. He ran a finger over them, humming when one particularly dark one gave him a small burst of pain at the pressure. 

_ You're good. I like them.  _

He put his phone away and went into a stall to change his clothes, throwing the torn shirt away. He left and started working on homework at the school cafe before his class. 

By the time he got to his class, he was struggling with staying out of that space that led to him thinking and doubting. He knew what Shiro would say. He’d say Keith should talk to Lance. To tell him what happened so Lance could understand the reason Keith became withdrawn, so he could understand the insecurities. 

Yeah, that was the logical thing. But it wasn’t that easy. Keith didn’t like the idea of laying out his insecurities to someone. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not about Roland, not about…. Keith didn’t want that past seeping into his life.

Somehow he made it through the class. He only had one other class that day, and after that, he had a good break until he had to go to his next dance practice. And with his hands still feeling a little sore from the fight, as soon as the last class was over, he found himself driving his motorcycle to the gas station. 

He went around the back and sat on the floor, staring at the graffiti again. 

His eyes went to the dragon, its jaw gaping wide, teeth sharp and gleaming. He remembered the day the piece was finished and he’d stood there beside him, staring up at it in awe. A hand had slipped into his, smeared with colors, smelling sharply of spray paint.

_ This one’s you because you’ve got a fire in you. You’re full of power and strength. And you’re hot, of course.  _

Keith had laughed at that. And he’d looked back up at the dragon, feeling empowered. Because someone saw him that way. Someone saw him as a person who was strong. Someone saw him as a dragon. 

When he’d been with Roland, he’d felt those empowered moments again. When Roland turned to him for solace, when Keith had encouraged him to dance so he had something to do, when one of their dances became a flirtatious game until that first kiss inevitably happened. Empowered because Roland was risking everything to be with Keith, when in reality he was just ashamed of Keith. Of course, Keith didn’t know that then. 

In all honesty, Keith had no idea why he always came to see the dragon and the griffin. It was a good memory of a bad person, and he knew that. He knew that entire relationship had been unhealthy. It had strained his relationship with Shiro horribly. But then made it stronger. And it led him to dance. So maybe it that was why. Maybe he just need a reminder that something good could come from something horrible. 

His phone started buzzing, a funny picture of Shiro lighting up the screen. He answered, still staring at the wall. “Hey, Keith, are you coming home today or heading to Lance’s?” 

“Uh, home. Why?” 

“I’m making dinner and Adam’s coming over later. Just wanted to be sure on how much to make.” There was a pause before he added, “You okay? You sound off.” 

“I’m good.” 

Another pause. “Are you where I think you are? What happened?” 

“I gotta go. Dance practice is gonna start soon. Let you know when I’m on my way home.” 

There was a resigned sigh on Shiro’s end. “Okay. I love you, Keith.” 

Keith shut his eyes and smiled. “Yeah. I love you too, Shiro. Stop worrying.” 

“You’re my brother. It’s my job. Bye.” 

Keith hung up and wondered if he’d ever stop coming here. He knew that would be the smart thing to do. To stop coming back to this, to  _ him.  _ But looking at that dragon always made him feel stronger. Made him remember what was seen in him at some point. 

He got up and grabbed his motorcycle to head back to campus, ready to let the stress dissipate with dance. Sure enough, Alexa had him going over their dance multiple times, enough to make him unable to focus on anything but the movements, on anything but the beat in his head. Roland was there with a few butterfly stitches on his nose, his face bruised and the tear of his lip looking painful. He shrugged off any questions about what had happened, not bothering to even look in Keith’s direction. Part of Keith felt guilty. The other part, not so much. 

By the time he got home, he was exhausted and hungry. Adam was sitting at the kitchen table, smiling at him as he came in. Once Keith got close enough to greet properly, Adam whistled and tilted his chin up. “Wow. That’s… going to take forever to go away.” 

“You would know,” Keith said, playfully shoving his hand away. 

“I’m gonna pretend I don’t see those,” Shiro said coming in with plates of food. “How was your day? No bullshit.” Keith huffed and shrugged. “You went to that gas station, didn’t you?” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“Oh but I do. You would’ve said no otherwise.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and plopped down to eat. Shiro knew Keith didn’t like lying to him. Because of it, he’d figured out all of Keith’s loopholes. Adam sat down, one eyebrow raised as he watched the interaction.

“Doesn’t matter. I just go there to think. Nothing else.”

There was a beat of silence, filled with clinking silverware before Shiro asked, “What happened to your hand?”

Keith clenched his fist and shook his head. “Don’t want to talk about it.” Shiro dropped it. Keith knew it was only being dropped because Adam was there. Keith didn’t mind talking to Shiro. Shiro had proven a long time ago that he would always be there for Keith, that he would always be honest with him, and be someone Keith trusted. While Adam was great, and his relationship with Shiro was going on to a year, Keith wasn’t fully comfortable with him yet. 

“You have your dance performance this week right?” Adam asked. That was another good thing about Adam. He knew how to maneuver conversations between the two of them better than most people. Keith nodded and just like that, the conversation became easier, filled with jokes and laughter that allowed Keith to forget the rest of the day’s events. 

Watching Adam and Shiro together gave Keith a bittersweet feeling. He loved how happy Shiro looked with him. Loved how a different, softer side of Shiro came out around Adam. The thing was, Keith wondered if he would ever reach that stage with someone. He was so terrified of trusting anyone the way these two trusted each other. He had no idea what would happen if the two of them ended up splitting up down the road. He couldn’t fathom it when he was watching them fight over chocolate covered almonds on the couch. He was both jealous of the way things were so easy for them, but also wary because his cynicism made him expect a break up and the last thing he wanted was for Shiro to feel what he had felt. 

Meanwhile, a more hopeful part of him began imagining himself fighting over chocolate covered almonds with Lance, imagined it ending in soft kisses because Lance was good at those, imagined being able to hold him and be held by him without that small voice in the back of his head telling him his time was limited. 

Then he snapped himself out of the reverie and focused on the homework in his lap, while Adam and Shiro commented on the TV show like prestigious film critics. 

A couple hours later, Adam left, promising Keith he’d be at the dance performance and giving Shiro a quick kiss before heading out. As the door shut, Shiro made his way over to the couch Keith was sprawled over and nudged his foot. 

“Hey. Can we talk?” 

Keith put his stuff aside and looked at Shiro expectantly. “About?” 

“Why your hand is messed up. Why you went to the gas station.” Keith sighed and stared at his hand. “Come on, Keith. Talk to me.” 

He looked back up at Shiro and shrugged. “I hit Roland.” Shiro's eyebrows went up in surprise. Keith and Roland had been on the same dance team for a long time now. It never led to a fight. Resigned, Keith started from the beginning, explaining why Roland cornered him in the bathroom and how it escalated. As he spoke, he could see Shiro getting upset as well. 

“Who the hell does he think he is? He makes you out to be some male succubus when he's the one who-” 

“I have the reputation for a reason, don't I? You said it yourself, Shiro, I keep doing this to myself-” 

“Hey, no! No, Keith I never meant to make you think that. You know I don't think that.” Shiro nudged him aside and squeezed into the space beside him, making Keith huff as half of his personal space was invaded. “Listen to me, Keith. You're a good person. And as much as you don't want to admit it, you love hard. It might take time for you to love someone, but when you do, you love in the most unconditional way I've ever known. That's why you got so hurt with those idiots.” 

“Yeah, well I'm done getting hurt, thank you very much.” Shiro rolled his eyes and elbowed him. “Ow-hey!” 

“Can I finish?” Keith rolled his eyes and made a dramatic gesture with his hand for Shiro to continue. “Look, I don’t know if something I said before threw you off or if that fucking jackass got in your head or if it’s the fact that you keep going to see that damn graffiti, but…. I know you don’t depend on a relationship to make you happy, right?” 

“I don’t need one,” Keith confirmed. “I learned my lesson. Depending on someone to be happy doesn’t get me anywhere.” 

“That’s the thing, Keith.” Keith looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “I mean, it’s great that you’re not at that extreme, but… now you’re on the other end of that extreme. And that’s just as unhealthy.” Keith crossed his arms and stared at Shiro in disbelief, not entirely understanding. “You’re so aware of how bad it is to feel like you need a relationship to be happy, that now you’re kind of doing the opposite and pushing the idea away completely. There’s a gray area, you know? A place where you can be open to having someone in your life without letting your life revolve around them. It’s okay for a person to make you happy, as long as they’re not the only person who can make you happy.” 

“I know that,” Keith muttered. 

He thought of that first date and how much Lance had made him laugh. Of how ridiculous it had been when they were practically trying to tear the air hockey table in two with how hard they hit the puck. How pleased Keith had been with the look on Lance’s face when he realized Keith danced. Or even just the day before how happy he’d felt sharing a pizza and playing with his hair and…. Just being near him. 

He took a deep breath and looked at Shiro. “I’m just tired of getting my hopes up only to get my heart broken. It’s too much.” 

“You’re only 21, Keith,” Shiro said gently. “That’s the thing with relationships. It’s gonna be heartbreak after heartbreak until it isn’t. It’s not going to work out until it does. That’s the point of looking for someone to be with.” Shiro raised an eyebrow and tilted Keith head up by the chin with a finger. “And I’m just saying, it looks like you had no problem with the idea yesterday.” 

Keith swatted his hand away and got up from the couch. “Dammit, Shiro! We were having a moment.” Shiro laughed and shrugged, snugly taking up the couch. “I don’t know. It’s weird with Lance. I’m away from him and I tell myself that’s it. I don’t need him, I don’t want him, I’ll stop seeing him. Then when I’m with him, or he texts me some random thing about the stars or a funny picture, I just….” Keith waved his hands around, unable to find the words. “I start to think it could work out this time. But that’s stupid!” 

“ _ You’re 21!  _ You get to be stupid! Adam and I are 25 and we’re still stupid!” Keith rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “You know what would really help both you and Lance out with this?  _ Talking.  _ Tell him about Roland, tell him about the graffiti, tell him that you’re feeling these things. Otherwise it really won’t work, but it’ll be because you’re the one doing the heartbreak.” 

For some reason the idea of breaking Lance’s heart made something twist painfully in Keith’s chest. He grimaced and shook his head. “Maybe. It’s too early for me to tell him, I mean…. I haven’t even told him about Mom. And that’s not even a bad thing, it’s just… complicated.” 

Before Shiro could answer, Keith felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, half listening to what Shiro began to say before his heart leapt to his throat at Lance’s name on the screen. He answered, ignoring the look Shiro gave him. 

“Hey! Busy?” Lance asked. 

“No. I was just watching TV. What’s up?” Shiro raised his hands in exasperation, and Keith scoffed. 

“Nothing, it’s just been a rough day. Wanted to hear your voice.” Keith hated how that made warmth bloom in his chest. “How’s your day been?” 

“Um….” Keith looked at his knuckles and winced. “It’s a Monday.” Lance laughed aloud and agreed. Keith gave Shiro a feeble wave as he went to his room and sat by the window as he talked. “Everyone on my dance team wants to know who attacked my neck though.” 

“In my defense, I didn’t think it’d be that bad.” 

“You do realize my skin is really white, right?” 

Lance laughed again and Keith noticed a faint, transparent reflection of himself smiling widely in the window. He felt embarrassed with himself, but at the same time…. The feeling was nice, and it had been a long time since he’d felt it. The jittery nervousness of a new crush. If he couldn’t quite fight it, he wanted to at least try to enjoy it. At least for now. 


	4. Part 7

The words kept bouncing around in his head as he stared at the shadowed wall.  _ I don't need a label to tell me how much I like you.  _ He looked down at the sleeping form curled up into a ball, holding Keith's arms in place around him. 

According to the clock on the bookshelf near the bed, it was a little past two in the morning. Usually it was frustrating being unable to sleep. Keith often passed the time watching YouTube or Netflix on his phone, or he'd toss around removing his clothes little by little if they aggravated him, or he got up and paced around, or he'd go to the gas station. 

But here, the insomnia wasn't totally bad. Because he was paying attention to the way Lance breathed in his sleep, his occasional sigh and a hum slipping through now and then. He was taking in the details of the room, the small posters in framed that said things like  _ create,  _ or  _ Live life to the fullest because there is no take two,  _ and the calendar pinned up, covered in bright neon sticky notes with reminders near the door. He noticed the bookshelf was full, and he was filled with curiosity about what books Lance read. 

Everything about Lance felt so new. He had come here with every intention of getting laid, wanting to get as much out of this as he could while he could. He had planned on indulging in the little moments, on enjoying the sex as much as he could, and accepted the pain that would come when whatever they had inevitably ended. 

But Lance kept taking him by surprise. Keith unconsciously tightened his arms around him and he smiled to himself. He started brushing the short locks of his hair back, positioning them to flow back along the curve of his ear. 

He heard the sharp default ringtone of his phone pierce through the silence, and he jumped, taking a sudden breath. In his arms, Lance only shifted slightly, eyebrows burrowing before he relaxed again and continued sleeping. Keith slowly moved his arms away and gently removed himself from the covers. The coldness of the room made goosebumps rise on his skin as he walked to where he'd left his phone. The phone stopped ringing as Keith searched the pockets then immediately started again. 

“Shit,” he muttered, finally finding it. Sure enough it had Shiro’s face flashing at him. “Hello?” 

“Jesus, Keith. I texted you a couple times and you didn't answer, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm alright. I'm at Lance's….” He hurried out of the room, though he doubted Lance would wake up from hearing him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Keith started to apologize, but then Shiro said, “Yeah, yeah, get me my wallet. Dammit Keith, you cost me fifteen bucks.” 

Keith paused in the hallway and narrowed his eyes. “Did you make a fucking  _ bet  _ on me? I thought you said you were worried!” 

“I was! I made the bet before I got worried. Adam said you went home with him. I thought you'd come back since you seem so unsure of him. When I didn't hear from you after like one in the morning, proper brotherly panic set in.” 

Keith scowled at the couch. “Right. Well, I figured you and Adam would want alone time-” 

“Aw, Keith, I would thank you if I didn't know that was a bullshit excuse to stay with Lance for the night.” Keith's face flushed. He began to stammer, but Shiro cut him off. “Okay, but in all seriousness, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm alright. We just talked. I told him about Roland.” There was silence on the phone. He heard Shiro repeating what he said and a muffled voice responding. “I wasn't planning to, but he saw how you got when Hunk was talking to Roland, and he saw the bruises on my hands, so he asked and…. He looked really freaked out and I told him.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Shiro, please stop asking that. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm… great. Lance is really… understanding. I dunno, I don't want to expect anything, but I can't help but feel like he means it.” It was quiet again. Keith could hear Adam saying something but he couldn't make out what. He thought of Lance's comment earlier after Keith had told him what Roland did. “He thinks you don't like him.” 

“I don't really know him,” Shiro said quietly. “All I know is he walked out of your room during one of our parties after having sex with you, he showed up again later to take you on a date, and he smothered you in kisses the second he saw you today.” Shiro took a breath and continued. “I'm wary of him. But I'd be wary of anyone with an interest in you because you're my little brother. You're telling me he's genuine and I wanna support that and believe it, but… I want to see it for myself too.” 

“I don't really know how that would happen, it's not like you can chaperone one of our dates or something.” 

“Double date!” Adam shouted. Keith felt the blood drain from his face. 

“I'm not going on a double date with my brother!” Keith groaned and rubbed his face in frustration. “Look, I'll see if he… I don't know wants to have dinner with us or something just…. Please don't make it seem like a meeting the parents kind of thing.” 

“I'll wear a tweed jacket and everything.” Keith muttered a curse under his breath and Shiro laughed. “Alright, I'll let you go. Try to get some sleep. Love you.” 

“Love you too, Shiro. And pay Adam, asshole.” Shiro grumbled and hung up. Keith shook his head and looked at his phone. 

He had four messages from Shiro over a span of a couple hours. And another message from an unknown number. 

_ Can we talk _

Keith frowned. It had been sent about an hour ago. He answered by asking who it was, though he didn't expect a response at this hour. He went to get a bottle of water, and started walking back to Lance's room when he felt his phone buzz. 

_ Roland  _

Keith stared at the name in confusion. He felt anger and frustration and uncertainty swirl in him and clenched his phone a little too hard. Another message came in. 

_ I kno it's weird but we're always around each other in dance may as well talk  _

Keith scowled and deleted the messages, tossing his phone on the counter. He walked back to Lance's room and walked in, fully intending on wrapping himself around Lance. 

But as he got inside, he saw the bookcase again. He wasn't sleepy yet, so he stopped in front of it, squinting to read the titles. 

_ The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath. Milk & Honey. The Essential Rumi. The Odyssey.  _ Poetry. So many types of poetry. Some titles were in Spanish. Keith felt like he should've figured as much. Lance was such a romantic, it made sense that he liked poetry. He had a couple series too. One looked like it was about angels. He recognized the  _ Hunger Games _ trilogy. And there were various books that looked like leather bound journals with papers sticking out. 

There were a few books that didn't seem to fit the rest, and also didn't seem like college textbooks. A few biographies and couple nonfiction books about moments in history. It didn't seem to fit Lance's tastes, and he was certain Lance hadn't even touched those books if the thin layer of dust on them when he touched them said anything. 

As he looked at them, he heard Lance shuffle on the bed. He looked over, smiling at the way his silhouette was outlined in silver light. 

Then he shifted again and grunted, pulling the covers closer, hand reaching out. Keith frowned, watching as he pulled himself up and stared at the empty space next to him. 

“Lance?” 

Lance flinched and turned, exhaling as he plopped back on the bed. “Jesus. I thought… you'd left.” 

Keith smiled and walked over, sitting beside him. “Nah. Shiro called to see if I was okay. You slept through it, though. It was just looking at your books.” 

“Oh.” Lance yawned and burrowed himself into his pillow. “Aren't you tired?” 

Keith smiled and reached forward to run his hand through his hair. “Not really. I usually fall asleep around five or six.” Lance's eyes widened and Keith shook his head. “It's just sometimes. My sleep schedule gets weird close to performances.” 

Lance frowned and sat up. “Well d’you want company? I can make hot chocolate.” 

Keith felt something warm bloom in his chest as he looked at Lance's sleep-ridden face, eyes blinking slowly, his hair swishing in various directions. He chuckled and shook his head. “I'm okay.” 

Lance yawned and draped himself over Keith's shoulder. “You sure? It's really good. Used to drink it all the time when I was little. Has cima-cinan-ci-” 

Keith laughed. “Cinnamon?” Lance nodded and ran his fingers through Keith's hair. “Maybe in the morning. Go back to sleep.” 

“Mm, not if you're awake,” he mumbled. 

Keith laughed again and turned to press a kiss to Lance's forehead. His pretty blue eyes opened, a little more awake and slightly surprised. “Alright then.” He stood up and crawled over to the other side of the bed, laying down, and scooping Lance back close to him. Only this time, he made sure they were facing each other. “Now will you go to sleep?” 

Lance smiled and threw an arm over Keith's middle. “Yeah. Just don't go anywhere.” 

The way he said that tugged at Keith's chest. It was so strange to have someone want him around this much, this outwardly. Keith bumped their noses together. “I'm not going anywhere, pretty boy.” 

Lance hummed again and was fast asleep within seconds. Keith couldn't help but laugh. He listened to his slow breaths as the clock continued to show the passing minutes, hours of the night. 

His mind raced with thoughts. About why Roland suddenly wanted to talk, about Shiro and his own hesitancy even when he was encouraging Keith to try, about Lance how terrifying it was to be with him while also being exciting. Keith had no idea if he would be able to be as vulnerable as a relationship required. He didn't want it to get thrown back in his face again.

Before he could lose himself in his thoughts, he pulled himself back. He just wanted to enjoy this moment. For once, he didn't want to think about the various ways things could get ruined. Instead, he tightened his grip around Lance, smiling when he heard him sigh, and let himself fall asleep. 

When he woke back up, the sun was filtering in through the blinds and Lance was half draped over his chest. Keith looked up to see the time on the clock. Nine in the morning. Keith had a class at ten thirty, so he untangled himself from Lance's embrace. 

Lance just grumbled and spread out on his stomach, wrapping his arms around the pillow and arching his back as his legs stretched out. Keith's eyes followed the way his shirt hiked up and his arm muscles flexed slightly before relaxing with a huff. 

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss his cheek lightly. Sure enough, Lance didn't even stir. 

Keith went into the bathroom to freshen up and change, thankful he had most of his stuff in his duffel bag from dance. He was done within fifteen minutes. 

He went back to the bed and shook Lance, not bothering to be gentle because that wouldn't wake him. Lance frowned and opened his eyes, looking confused. 

“I gotta get to class, Lance,” Keith whispered. “I'm gonna get a Lyft, but I wanted to let you know-” 

“But chocolate.” Keith snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. Lance rubbed his face and sat up. “I said I'd make you hot chocolate. What time is your class?” 

“I've got another hour.” Lance nodded and tossed his legs over the side, stretching up before standing. “Your class today isn't until eleven, go back to sleep.” 

“I'm already up.” Lance took his hand and pulled him closer pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Come on, it won't take long.” 

Keith smiled and followed him out to the kitchen. His phone was on the counter and he remembered the message from last night. Keith turned it on and saw he was on low battery and had three messages. One from Shiro reminding him to get to class and two from Roland that he didn't bother opening. 

Lance was humming a song under his breath while he grabbed a small pot, some milk, and a yellow box with an old woman smiling on top. Keith stood next to him, watching as he plopped a solid circle of chocolate into the milk and began stirring gently. 

“When I was little, my sister Veronica and I would always sneak into the pantry when my mom wasn't looking and eat the chocolate tablets. Even now, I do it by myself and I feel like I'm breaking some rule,” he said with a fond smile. 

Keith looked at him, fascinated with the way he made grogginess look good. His hair was a tousled mess and he had the imprint of a blanket on his cheek, his eyes still puffy with sleep. But Keith still thought he looked beautiful. With long limbs covered in light freckles and bright blue eyes that seemed to get more vibrant in the morning sunlight. And that serene smile on his face from fond childhood memories triggered by the smell of chocolate. 

His heart stuttered in his chest and he felt a new kind of nervousness just standing there beside him. Fresh giddiness like this was a new crush he was experiencing, all excitement and wonder. In a way it kind of was because he was finally letting it. He was finally accepting it. 

“What are you looking at?” Lance asked, his eyes flitting to him. Keith shook his head and smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then his jawline and then his neck. “Keith,” He said through a light laugh. “Don't distract me, the milk will burn.” 

Keith smiled and skimmed his lips along Lance's jawline. “Mm, sorry.” 

“You're touchy this morning,” Lance noted as he tilted his head to the side, baring his neck. There were a couple hickeys Keith managed to make the night before, but they were light. Keith decided to fix that. “ _ Oh,”  _ Lance breathed out, putting his hand on the counter and the other over Keith's hand… which was slowly making its way under his shirt. “Fuck.” 

Keith pulled away and smiled at the dark purple hue of the hickey against Lance's honey brown skin. He hummed and looked up at Lance's face, the current euphoria on it as he closed his eyes and let his mouth fall open slightly. 

“You're gorgeous,” Keith whispered. 

Lance's eyes burst open as his cheeks reddened. It was immensely satisfying being the one causing the blushing instead of being made to blush. 

“Oh my God,” he mumbled, abandoning the spoon and the pot in favor of hugging Keith and burying his face in the crook of his shoulder. 

Keith laughed and tickled his sides, causing Lance to burst into laughter as he squirmed. “What happened to burning the hot chocolate?” 

“You're still distracting me!” he said, laughing into Keith's jacket. “No, no, no, stop, I can't- Keith!” He finally relented, instead wrapping his arms around his torso to bring him into a hug. “This is new,” Lance said, still chuckling slightly. 

“I'm happy.” 

Lance pulled back and tilted Keith's toward him with a finger. “Good. Me too.” He leaned in to kiss him, but stopped before their lips did more than brush against each other. “Shit, I still have morning breath-” 

Keith put a hand at the back of his neck and pulled him in all the way. He kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, elated by the way their lips moved together like a perfectly choreographed dance routine. 

“ _ Shit the milk!”  _ Lance suddenly gasped against his lips. He pulled away and returned to the pot which had begun to bubble over and into the fire, sizzling. Keith couldn't help but laugh to himself as he watched Lance salvage what was still in the pot. He poured the milk into a thermos and what was left into a mug. He handed the thermos to Keith with a smile. “Don’t freak if there’s a film over it when you leave it, it does that.” Keith nodded, but before he could answer, Lance said, “Also, I can drive you to school if you want? Or to your place so you can get your motorcycle. No need for a Lyft or anything.” 

“Okay,” he said, if only to have a little more time with him. “Could you take me to campus? I like having time before class so I don’t feel super rushed.” 

“You got it, let me just get my shoes and a sweater.” Lance left his mug on the counter and disappeared into his room. He came back a little bit later in a cozy-looking hoodie with his keys in one hand. “Come on.” Keith grabbed his duffel bag, and Lance grabbed his hand when they left the apartment. “Did you sleep okay? Did you sleep at all?” 

Keith laughed and nodded. “Yeah I slept a bit. And I slept well.” They got to Lance’s car and he handed Keith the aux cord. “My phone doesn’t have too much battery.”

“You can use mine.” Lance handed his phone over and Keith scrolled through songs, adding some the queue. He took Lance’s hand, keeping his grip loose in case Lance needed both hands for turning or something. He hummed along to the music and enjoyed the sound of Lance’s low singing, still riddled with sleep and sounding beautifully hoarse. 

When they got to campus, Keith directed him toward the building his class was in. Lance parked near the curb and turned on his hazard lights. “Thanks for waking me up. Not to sound clingy, but I might have panicked if I woke up and you were gone. At least until I remembered that college classes were a thing.” 

Keith scoffed and squeezed his hand. “I told you I wouldn’t go anywhere.” Lance’s face softened. “And I really am glad we talked yesterday.”

“Me too. You seem… more sure about this.” 

Keith bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah. I feel better about this. But I also wanna let you know, I’m not sure how long it’ll last. M-my head, it gets messy and I-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lance said, touching his face with his free hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll reassure and remind you as much as I need to.” He leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Keith caught the scent of spearmint. “We’re still on for our date Friday, right?” Keith nodded and Lance smiled brightly at him. “Good.” 

He leaned forward again and Keith kissed him. Keith had kissed plenty of people before. For a game, in drunken stupor, out of naivety, or just for the hell of it when he was bored. But no one had ever kissed him the way Lance did. Lance kissed him in this way that felt like he was being attentive to anything Keith did. It didn’t feel selfish or one sided or uneven and awkward. If Keith kissed harder, Lance responded the same way. If Keith was hesitant, Lance coaxed him into it. If Keith wanted it to last longer, Lance was slower, deliberate… like he was now. It made Keith feel like he was melting on the spot. 

“Mm, I gotta go, and if I keep kissing you, I’m not gonna want to leave.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Lance murmured, kissing the corner of his mouth. 

Keith laughed and pushed him away, but Lance wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in as he playfully pressed kisses all over his face. Keith laughed harder, cringing as Lance’s lips and breaths tickled him. “Lance!” 

Lance laughed as he finally pulled back. “Okay, okay. Go be smart and stuff. I have to get home and get ready for class too.” 

Keith kissed him one more time before finally saying goodbye. “I’ll see you later.” Lance nodded and smiled as Keith got out of the car and waved. He drove off and Keith rubbed his cheeks, simultaneously aggravated with how much they hurt while completely unable to stop smiling for longer than a second. 

When he turned around, he felt all that joy twist itself into immediate anger. Roland was standing a little further down the sidewalk. He had a strange look on his face, his cheeks a bright red and his eyebrows furrowed. Keith scowled and turned to go into his building, not sparing a glance back even when he heard Roland call his name. 

He couldn’t find it in himself to feel even slightly bad for the bandage on his nose or the split lip. Not after the things he’d said. Not after all the memories of the way he’d felt after Roland. Especially not after he level of doubt he’d managed to seep into his dynamic with Lance. 

He knew he’d have to see Roland at rehearsals, but he could ignore him there too, if he was smart about it. If he kept everyone busy, moving, if he kept his distance. Roland didn’t get to take Keith’s time up anymore. 

For the rest of the day, Keith didn't get any more messages and he didn't run into Roland. When rehearsals came around, Keith noticed Roland looking at him more. It made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to get cornered again, and he didn't want to risk another fight. 

Colleen wasn't stupid. Keith knew that she knew it had been Keith who rearranged Roland's face. But with both of them holding their tongues, she overlooked it. Keith knew she wouldn't if Roland came back looking worse. He knew it would risk his position as captain. 

Keith did his best to ignore it, texting Lance on his breaks and staying near Colleen, making pointless small talk and observations. He knew that Roland wouldn't go up to him if he stayed with her. 

Except he forgot that Colleen was Pidge's mom- something she'd told him when they were eating the night before. So she gave him a steady look and a raised eyebrow as she asked in that way that suggested he'd better not bullshit her, “If I recall correctly, I saw Lance kissing you after the performance yesterday. What's that about?” 

“Oh. Um. Yes. I don't… I don't know. We like each other-” 

“You're dating  _ Lance? _ ” 

Keith gulped. “Why… did you say it like that? And no not… officially or anything….” 

Colleen pursed her lips. “Because I've known that boy since he was seven years old. And I didn't think….” She hesitated and shrugged. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Didn't think he liked guys?” Colleen only smiled and nodded. “Yeah. He says it's new. But I think he means it.” 

“Oh I have no doubt Lance means anything and everything he tells you. I've always known him to be a sweet boy. I used to think he might end up with my Katie, but their friendship never developed into that. Then he started dating and-” She waved a hand and shrugged as if to say,  _ oh well.  _ “But yes. Lance is one of the most honest and genuine young men I know. And you're one of the most passionate and dedicated. So I really hope neither of you ends up with a broken heart.” 

Keith grimaced and blushed. “Yeah. Me too.” 

Colleen nodded and her chin jutted out slightly. “You wanna tell me why Roland keeps eyeing you like you stole his favorite flannel?” 

Keith might've laughed at that if the mention of Roland didn't make his body go cold. “Why do you notice everything?” 

She laughed and crossed her arms. “I'm a mother of two and a college professor. It's a requirement.” Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You're not gonna let it interfere with the team, are you?” 

“No. I promise. I can separate my personal and professional life.” Colleen nodded and tapped her wrist. “Alright, break is over, everyone! Regroup!” 

For another hour, the team went over dances, focusing more on the group ones. By the time they were done, Keith’s limbs burned pleasantly with exertion and he was ready to get home and take a bath before taking a much needed nap. He started ordering a Lyft, absentmindedly complimenting those who left. 

Then he saw Roland out of the corner of his eye. He looked up from his phone and scowled, grabbing his things with every intention of leaving. But Roland said, “Wait! I need help with this step.” 

“Figure it out,” Keith spat. 

“You’re captain now, right? You’re supposed to help.” 

Keith stared at him, disbelief coating his features. Was he really pulling that card? From across the room, he saw Colleen eyeing them as she packed her things. Keith had promised to separate his personal life from his position as a captain. And even if Roland was full of shit, he had no way to prove it. He was trapped. 

“Fuck you,” Keith muttered under his breath. He crossed his arms and huffed. “Which part?” 

“I can’t get to my spot fast enough when we have to do the turn and jumps. I land wrong then forget to do the shoulder thing.” 

Keith took a deep breath and gestured to the center of the room. He counted him off so he could watch and though he wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, Roland really wasn’t getting to his spot on time, much less managing the next move. “Alright, keep shifting your weight and use the momentum.” He stood beside him and provided the example, calling out the steps as he did them. “As soon as you land, go into the turn and reach out at the same time.” 

Roland nodded, and Keith counted off doing it with him. It was smoother that time, but still choppy. Colleen gave him a slight wave as she left the room. As Keith counted again to watch, Roland asked, “So who was that guy you-”

“None of your fucking business. This is a dance rehearsal, not gossip hour.” Roland rolled his eyes. “Focus. You landed on the wrong foot. Kick out more. Again.” 

“I forgot how much of a perfectionist you become with this,” Roland huffed, starting over. Keith scowled. “Remember that one time you wouldn’t even let me k-”

Keith yanked his arm and gripped it tight, his eyes narrowed as anger rolled through his body. “Either you shut up and work on the dance, or I leave.” 

“That guy doesn’t look like your type.”

“What the fuck do you know about my type?” Roland scoffed, arching an eyebrow and Keith shoved him away. “We’re done here.” 

He felt Roland’s hand on his arm, stopping him. “Hey, come on, I’m just kidding.” Keith snatched away and kept walking. “What made this guy so special, huh? All this time with all your flings and the parties you and your foster brother throw, then out of nowhere you’re with this twig?” Keith stopped, feeling his body heat up so badly his skin started to itch. “And he’s met Shiro?” 

It was taking everything in Keith not to burst. He didn't like being violent. And he could still hear the subtle tremor in Lance's voice, the disbelief in his eyes when he'd asked Keith if he had been the one to hit Roland. 

No matter how much he felt this asshole deserved it, he didn't want Roland to have any hold on him anymore. 

“Is it… is it just because... he kisses you in public?” Keith clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. 

_ Keep walking. Just walk away.  _

“Why him, Keith?” 

“What do you care?” Keith asked through clenched teeth. He didn't want to turn back around. He was barely keeping himself together. “We barely speak for almost a year and then you talk shit and now you wanna know about who I'm seeing?” 

It was quiet for a while. He heard footsteps and he tensed. If Roland laid a finger on him….

“Forget I said anything.” Roland’s whispered reply took Keith by surprise. He watched as he tugged a beanie over his dirty blond hair and left the room. 

Keith's body remained tense and frozen. He took a deep breath and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. Lance was done with class by now. 

Keith dialed and Lance picked up after a couple rings. 

“Hey, babe, what's up?” 

“You mind… giving me a ride home?” 

There was a slight pause before he answered. “Yeah, I can do that. Are you okay?” 

Keith took another breath and let it out with a sigh. “Just a long, busy day.” 

“Okay, well, I'll be there soon,” Lance promised. “You just finished dance, so main building, right?” 

“Yeah. Thank you.” He hung up and went outside, to wait by the steps. Lance was there within fifteen minutes. Keith got into his car and smiled at him, but Lance leaned over and kissed him lightly. “Hey.” 

“Hey. Everything okay?” 

“Just tired.” 

Lance hummed and picked up something from the cup holders. “Well, I was getting boba when you called, so I brought you one. And I thought you might be hungry so I was thinking we could stop by Chick-fil-a or something-” 

Keith leaned over and hugged him tightly, feeling the tension leave his body like streams of a river. He laughed and pressed a kiss to Lance's cheek before pulling back and smiling at him. “You're pretty amazing, you know that?” 

Lance blushed and started stammering. “Oh, I mean, it's just, you know just like, it's just food, babe, I'm not doing anything major, I-” 

Keith laughed and covered his mouth. “Would you just accept the compliment?” Lance nodded, moving with Keith's hand. “Let's go before UPD gets on your ass about being in a fire lane.” 

No, it wasn't just because Lance kissed him in public. Lance was special because he was honest. He cared. He brought Keith a drink and he was attentive to his schedule, he paid attention to the little details, he gave Keith his space and waited for him to open up, he knew when Keith wanted to talk and when he wanted to change the subject, he introduced him to friends, he woke up to make him chocolate the morning, he…. 

He fought. He fought for Keith, fought to prove himself. That's what made him special. That's what made Keith hopeful, and for once, not so afraid of letting himself be. 


	5. Part 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter 5 of addiction, but part 10 if you're reading it alongside Side Effects :) let me know if you have questions!

The warmth of the body draped over him added to the heat of the water, added to the breathlessness and the sweat prickling his skin along with the steam clinging to the back of his neck. 

“La-Lance,” Keith grunted. “I gotta go, pretty boy. I can’t be late.” 

“One day, ten minutes late, they won’t kick you off the team,” Lance panted behind him. 

“I’m  _ captain,”  _ Keith said, his voice hitching as Lance’s hips moved perfectly. “I’ll make it up to you later, but I really gotta get dressed.”

Lance grumbled but eventually pulled away, kissing along Keith’s neck instead. 

After spending the weekend with him (and Pidge and Hunk when they stopped by on Sunday), Keith had taken to staying at Lance’s a couple more times during the week. Lance stopped by his dance practices in the evening to bring him food on Tuesday, and picked him up on Wednesday after his classes. At least Keith could say he was being a positive influence, seeing as Lance liked to wake up with Keith, however early to see if he could convince him to stay a little longer in the mornings. 

Keith stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and dried himself off. As he finished changing, he heard Lance shut the water off. He saw him in the doorway of the bathroom, the towel wrapped low around his hips. 

He smirked and raised an eyebrow as he grabbed his jacket. “Finish yourself off, pretty boy?” 

Lance rolled his eyes and smiled back. “No.” Keith chuckled and went to kiss him before leaving. But Lance grabbed his hand and kept him in place, lips skimming his neck. “You staying tonight too?”

“I can. But I’ll come by after I get lunch with Shiro. He’s meeting with me after practice, so don’t worry about bringing me anything today.” Lance nodded and pulled back to kiss him. “You make it so hard to walk away from you.” 

“Good,” Lance said with a pleased, cocky smirk. 

Keith rolled his eyes and nudged him toward the bed. “Go back to sleep. You don’t have class for another four hours.” He kissed his cheek and inhaled that soft coconut scent that clung to his skin and hair. “I’ll see you later.” 

“I’ll see you later. Text me,” Lance said. As Keith walked down the hallway, he heard Lance’s voice again. “God, you are the epitome of hate to see you go but love to watch you leave,  _ mi principe. _ ” 

Keith turned and saw Lance eyeing him from the bedroom doorway. He only winked in response and walked out the door, hoping Lance didn’t catch his blush. 

When he got to the rehearsal space, Alexa was already holding out a concealer for him. He took it wordlessly and worked on hiding the hickeys Lance left that morning and over the week. 

“That beginning stage of a relationship is the best, isn’t it,” Alexa said with a teasing smile. “Fuck after fuck. I mean you’ve been practically glowing every day.” 

“Please don’t ever say that again,” Keith said, forcing the blush in his cheeks to dissipate. So they’d been spending more time between the sheets since Friday night. It wasn’t a big deal. Sex was fun and Lance was good at it. 

Besides, it wasn't the only thing they did. They did homework, they made chocolate cake in the middle of the night, they binged Netflix, they talked about their classes or their families or about their favorite movies. And it wasn't really a  _ relationship.  _ They hadn't put a name to whatever they had, they were just going with it, which was working out perfectly fine. 

Once all the marks were covered, he got the group together and they started working on the choreography for a new song. It was more experimentation than actual movement for that morning, taking the opinions of everyone to see what fit best. Before they were released that day, they went over the dances they did have down and cooled down with a playful dance that had them all more awake and less moody than they had been at first. 

After Keith dismissed them, he talked to Colleen a little about the drafted choreography they got and they decided on polishing it that evening. He was still grabbing his things when she’d left, and he heard someone clear their throat. 

He didn’t have to turn to know who it was. But it was strange because Roland hadn’t spoken to him directly since the week before. “What do you want?” 

There was no response. Keith looked over his shoulder and saw him standing against the wall, head ducked so his dirty blond hair covered his face. Keith figured that was just as well. He didn’t want to talk to him any more than he had the week before. 

He started for the door and when his hands touched the door handle, he heard him call out a hoarse, “Wait!” Keith sighed and turned to him, arms crossed. “Could I… use some of the concealer?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and didn’t say anything. At least not until Roland looked up and he saw the deep purple bruise around his eyes and on his cheekbone. “Jesus, who did you piss off this time?” 

Roland narrowed his eyes and looked away. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Can I use it or not?” 

Keith sighed and dropped his duffel bag to look for the concealer Alexa let him use. He handed it over and stood aside watching as Roland smeared it on, haphazardly. He kept wincing, and it was obvious he didn't know how to use the thing right. 

“Alright, let me see,” Keith said with a sigh. 

“I can do it,” he snapped. “It just hurts.”

Keith took the concealer and shoved his hands away. “Maybe, but Alexa is gonna strangle me if she thinks I wasted her makeup. Let me see.” He used a finger to smear and blend the makeup, grimacing each time Roland winced and flinched back. “You know you can't keep coming here with these bruises without worrying Colleen.” 

“You were the reason behind the first ones.” Keith shrugged. “Can I ask you something?” Keith narrowed his eyes as he finished. “It's not about the ragdoll that keeps coming by at the end of our practices.”

That made Keith scowl as he wiped his finger. “His name is Lance. Insult him again and I'll be causing more of those bruises on your face.” Roland rolled his eyes. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound jealous.”

“Alright, alright. I'm sorry.” Keith crossed his arms and eyed him warily. “Do you hate me?” 

The question took him by surprise. He recalled the pain he felt when Roland told him to go away, accused him of corrupting him, all the pain that came after Keith had to be at dance rehearsals with him every day, the pain that came from Roland pretending he didn't know Keith as he trailed behind his girlfriend. He thought of how much of a zombie he'd become, to the point that Shiro had no idea what to do for him, to the point that Shiro was afraid to leave him alone. All of that pain and all of that fear that came from it. 

That pain and fear was still there. If he thought really hard about those memories, he could feel that agonizing heartache again. But if he didn't think of them, they were faded emotions. And he knew that was thanks to Lance. It was thanks to that pretty boy who greeted him with a kiss no matter who was looking, who held his hand as they walked no matter how many people stared, who gushed about him to his friends so much it became a source of blackmail for Hunk and Pidge. 

Keith shook his head. “No, I don't hate you. That would be giving you way too much time of day.” Roland stared at him wordlessly for a while. “I don't know what's going on with you. You attack me in a bathroom and tell me all this shit, then all of a sudden you're trying to play nice? What are you trying to get at?” 

Roland shook his head and stood up. “My head's just messed up right now. Thanks for helping me.” He didn't spare another look at Keith before he was heading out the door.

Keith didn't give it much thought. He didn't spare Roland another thought for the rest of the day, not even when he saw him again at rehearsals that afternoon. And Roland seemed to keep his distance too. 

Just like that, it was back to the usual- pretending the other didn't exist unless the choreography stated otherwise. 

By the time Keith went out to where he’d parked his motorcycle, Shiro was waiting beside it with his own. He looked up when he heard Keith’s footsteps and smiled. “So I’ve been craving burgers.” 

“Burgers it is,” Keith answered. With that, they put on their helmets and left campus. Keith followed him until they reached a small little family-owned diner that had been put up. Adam had taken Shiro there on their first date, and it quickly became Shiro’s favorite place for a burger. It had kind service and delicious food- and was typically where he took Keith when he felt they needed to have some brotherly time together. 

They were seated outside, the cool wind welcomed in light of the stifling heat inside. Shiro looked him over, eyes lingering on his neck before he smiled. “So, how’ve you been, stranger? I hardly see you anymore.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Oh, c’mon. I stop at the house every day. It’s not my fault you’re just usually not there when I do.” 

“No, yeah, it’s cool. I’ve replaced you with the giant Stitch in your room. He’s quiet, doesn’t come out of there, and never answers the door when I knock. Not a big difference.” Keith balled up a napkin and threw at him with a slight scowl, which only made Shiro laugh. “No, but really how’ve you been? It just seems like there’s been a big shift with you and Lance, and I just wanted to see how you’ve been feeling about it.” 

It was something about the way Shiro said that, with a kind of hesitance that made Keith nervous to answer. He shrugged and busied himself by drinking some of his soda. “I’ve been good. We’re good.” 

Shiro nodded, and seemed to drop it for the time being. But Keith knew his brother. He knew he was saving the unpleasant stuff until after the food, when Keith had the option of storming off. 

“So, Roland's been acting weird,” Keith said, fishing for anything aside from the elephant in the room. 

It only made Shiro scowl. “Please tell me you're not talking to that piece of shit again.” 

“I'm not. Not a lot. I mean, I'm the captain now, so I sort of have to, but not…. I just meant he's been acting sort of… nice but weird ever since Lance started coming around.” Shiro grunted, taking a bite of the burger that had been placed in front of him. “Well, okay, we're not talking about Roland, we're not talking about Lance- at least not yet- so, why don't you tell me what you want to talk about before you bring up whatever it is you want to say in the first place?” he snapped. 

Shiro only fixed him with a steady, if slightly amused face. “Keith, relax. Eat.” 

He might have argued if he weren't so hungry. Instead, he ate and let Shiro fill the time with random comments about people from work, something funny Adam did, or something he saw on TV. 

Finally the last ketchup smeared get was eaten and their cups were down to ice. Shiro drummed his fingers on the table and Keith waited, feeling his stomach grow tighter by the second. 

“So this new relationship-” 

“It's not a relationship,” Keith interrupted. 

“Right,” Shiro said, voice dripping with disbelief. “So the dates and the texting and the calling and the hickeys and that giant Stitch guarding a strip of photos in your room, plus I'm assuming the sex you keep going to his place for- that's all just usual stuff you do with anyone.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and clasped his hands together. “He has no obligations to me, and I have none to him. We don't have a label, we're not in a relationship-” 

“So if he were to be making out with someone else right now andnyou saw him, you wouldn't be upset?” Keith clenched his jaw, the displeased twitch of his face too quick for him to stop. “Or okay, you're telling me if we threw another party tomorrow, I might find you making out with some stranger by the beer keg? Since you're not under any obligation or label with Lance?” Keith stared at him silently, tampering down the uncomfortable rage that filled his chest at the thought of any of those situations. “If that's the case, why did I bother inviting this guy over to dinner tomorrow?” 

“What's your point?” Keith muttered, kicking at the leg of the table restlessly. 

Shiro sighed and crossed his arms. “My point is that this thing you have with Lance, whatever the hell you wanna call it, might be… moving really fast.” Keith rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Last week, you were terrified of moving forward in this, and now this week you're practically moved in with him, Keith. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're opening up, but I'm scared you'll get too dependent or something-” 

“I thought you said I had the right to be stupid at my age.” 

“Yeah by making impulsive choices, not by being purposefully reckless! I mean, what do you even want out of this? Do you  _ want  _ a relationship, because you won't even name it! Do you want a fuck buddy, because if so you're a little too invested for it-” 

“What the fuck do you care, Shiro?” Keith yelled, not caring about the other table on the other end of the patio staring at them. “You tell me to have fun be young, then you turn around and lecture me about it? What does it matter if I don't want to name it? So what if I don't want to call him my boyfriend? It just means he won't end up being an ex, that's one less label I have to worry about!” 

Shiro stared at him that frustration that had been building in his eyes gone, replaced by that immediate worry and care Keith had noticed the second he'd walked into the Shirogane household. That look that said Shiro knew he was in charge of Keith, of protecting him, that he knew he was the big brother. Sometimes it made Keith feel happy and grateful. Sometimes it made him angry. 

“I care because I'm the one who ends up picking up the pieces and putting you back together, Hippo.” Keith scoffed, but the nickname had its effect. It calmed him down, and extinguished his anger. 

“You had to use that damn name,” Keith muttered. 

When Keith had first arrived at the Shirogane household, he refused to speak. Shiro had asked him his name, but Keith refused to answer. Shiro knew it of course, but he wanted Keith to tell him. And despite his age, he always went to bed with a blanket that had discolored cartoon hippos on it because it was the only thing he had since he was a baby in the orphanage and each of his foster homes.

Which made Shiro take to calling him Hippo until Keith finally spoke to him. 

“I keep telling you, you don't know how to do things in mediation. Yeah, I want you to take risks and have fun and recover from assholes like Roland and… He Who Shall Not Be Named.” Keith rolled his eyes. “But that doesn't mean you have to jump right into it. It's like you want to rush to get as much out of it before it goes away, and… Keith, you can't live like that. Expecting everyone to go away or disappear.” 

Keith didn't say anything to that. He felt like a reprimanded five year old. Shiro let him wallow for a bit, poking at the fry bits and bread crumbs from his burger. 

There was a lot Keith wanted to say, he knew that. He felt that in his chest, words that wanted a way out. But they all became half-thought sentences that made no sense and rendered him silent. 

After a while, Shiro said, “I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. And I'm not trying to make you doubt Lance. I just want you to be careful. You're an adult, you can do whatever you want, I just…. I worry about you.” 

“I can't help but feel the way I feel, Shiro. I don't want to be scared, but that doesn't make it go away.” 

“I know,” Shiro said softly. He waited a minute before asking, “So if he's not your boyfriend I guess I don't have to embarrass you tomorrow. You're still coming, right?” 

Keith smiled a bit before nodding. “Yeah. And he's super nervous about it so be nice.” Shiro scoffed and mimed a halo around his head. “And thank you, by the way. For being there to pick me up.” 

Shiro smiled at him. “It's what brothers do.” He gathered up his trash and kept his eyes on the table. “You coming home or headed to Lance's?” 

“Lance's..,” he said hesitantly. Shiro only smirked and rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, it's cool. I've been getting way more action with you out of the house anyway.” 

“Oh! Oh God, Shiro! Fuck you, I didn't need that,” Keith groaned, throwing more padded up napkins at him. “Seriously a piece of information I could have lived without.” 

Once they got back to their motorcycles, Shiro surprised Keith by pulling him into a hug before he could grab his helmet. Keith sputtered, but eventually wrapped his arms around his brother, knowing Shiro wasn’t going to let go until Keith reciprocated. Shiro’s hugs had quickly become Keith’s favorite. They were the most sincere, most unapologetic, least hesitant. 

His mom’s were always a little too soft, like she was afraid Keith would push her away. His foster parents gave him occasional hugs, feeling that Keith would prefer his distance. Over the years, Keith had foster parents that hugged him in various ways, but none like his brother. These hugs had kept him together on heartbroken nights, had calmed down the worst of his tempers, had comforted him when he least thought he needed it. 

Just like now.

“All jokes aside, you know I’m here for you right?” Keith nodded. “Good. I love you, Hippo. Let me know when you get to his place, so I know you got there safe. And I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll text you when I start the grill.” 

“I love you too, Shiro. I’ll text you. And we’re both looking forward to those burgers. I told Lance yours are the best he’ll ever taste, so, y’know, no pressure.” Shiro laughed and playfully tousled his hair until Keith was groaning and shoving his hand away. “Bye, Shiro.” Shiro nodded and they both got onto their motorcycles before speeding off. 

He didn’t actually lose sight of Shiro until they reached the highway. By the time he got to Lance’s he was trying not to think too much about what Shiro had said. The whole relationship, and what he wanted, and doing things in mediation. He didn’t think he depended on Lance. Maybe they were moving fast, but in this day and age, didn’t most people?

He sent Shiro a text that he was at Lance’s and then tried to shake off the day’s conversation. He went to the front door and knocked, surprised when Hunk answered the door instead. 

“Hey, man!” he greeted, letting him in. Keith walked in and heard Pidge greet him from the living room. “Lance is in the bathroom,” Hunk said. 

“You nervous for tomorrow?” Pidge asked with a smile. “Lance told us about Shiro inviting him over for burgers. He made us help him find a good outfit.” 

“An outfit?” Keith asked.

“To impress him,” Hunk said. “Once we got out of class, we met him at the mall. Swear, the more important the event, the pickier he gets.” Keith laughed and relished in the warm feeling that burst in his stomach. 

Then he heard an exclamation of, “ _ Mi principe!”  _ before he felt a mass crash into his side, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Keith chuckled and blushed, pretending he didn’t see Hunk and Pidge’s knowing little eye contact. “Hey, pretty boy,” Keith greeted, turning to look at him. 

Lance smiled widely and kissed him on the mouth before letting go and plopping down on the couch. “How was lunch with Shiro?” 

He hesitated for a split second before smiling. “Good. Says he replaced me with Stitch.” Lance laughed, but the way his eyes lingered told Keith he knew there was more to it. “What are you guys up to?” 

“Hunk’s gonna make cookies before he goes to the library with Pidge to write an essay,” Lance said. He patted the space beside him to get Keith to sit down. He followed and sat beside him, almost immediately sinking into Lance's side. He wrapped his arm around Keith before freezing. “Is this… okay?” 

“Huh? Yeah, why?” 

“The arm around you thing,” he said sheepishly. 

Keith smiled and leaned further into him. “You're fine. It's different when it's a hug. You're not leading me while we walk or… using it to claim me as property or something.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, and Keith could see the questions brewing in his soft ocean eyes. “You're fine,” he assured, stopping the questions before the could start. 

Lance responded by hugging him tighter. 

“Are you gonna show Keith your outfit for tomorrow?” Pidge asked once they stopped whispering. 

“I mean it's not all that fancy or anything. It's a cookout,” Lance said. 

From the kitchen, Keith heard Hunk snort. “I wish you were that lenient about it when we were shopping!” Lance grumbled and tried to hide his blush. “Come on stop mumbling and help me make the cookies or you get none.” 

“What kind of best friend-?” Lance scoffed and kissed Keith's temple before standing up. “Why can't you just give me cookies, you do it for Pidge!” Lance kept complaining as he walked over to Hunk. 

Pidge just laughed and rolled her eyes as she skimmed through Netflix. Keith waited until he could hear Lance and Hunk laughing in the kitchen before turning to Pidge and nudging her. She looked at him over the rim of her glasses. 

“Can I ask you something?” She nodded and put on a random show Lance had already been watching. She turned to Keith with a raised eyebrow. “How come you guys never… freaked out about Lance liking me? I mean, you guys seem really chill about it, but… Lance said he'd never been with a guy before, so…. I don't know, I guess I expected a fuss.” 

Pidge smiled and shrugged. “I mean, we did flip out in the car when he told us after the party. We weren't expecting it. But after we digested the information along with nursing our hangovers, we figured it was just… Lance. He's got a big heart, and I don't know if he sees it. Maybe it's the poet in him, but he's just… always seen people for more than what's on the surface.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. Poet? He knew Lance liked poetry, but he'd never seen him write anything. Never read anything he'd written. But maybe that's what the worn out journals in his bookcase were full of. Somehow that fit him. Lance the poet. 

“Lance likes to ‘go with the flow’ in life. And honestly, after, y’know his last relationship, we were just mostly relieved that he was so serious about someone again.” 

“He's never talked about any previous relationships….” 

Pidge looked at him steadily, her amber eyes calculating. “I wouldn't expect him to. He doesn't like dwelling on the past. But as friends we were worried. We were glad when you came along. Besides it's 2018, we're past the whole ‘guys can like guys, question mark’ deal.” Keith chuckled and nudged the soles of his shoes together. “You don't still think he's not serious, do you?” 

“Oh, no, that's not it. I just… I don't know.” When Keith asked him before, Lance only said something drew him to Keith. A perfect storybook love story line of inexplicable magnetism that would wither away any logical doubt. A line Keith had accepted because the way Lance said it made it sound genuine. The way Lance treated him made it sound real. Lance the poet. 

Pidge stood up and sat beside Keith. “Keith. Hunk and I haven't seen Lance like this in a really long time.” The way her voice broke at the end made him look over at her. She was smiling, but her eyes were glassy. “It's like he's more himself when he's around you. You have no idea how much I missed that.” She blinked and looked up at the ceiling. “Shit, I didn't mean to get emotional.” 

“No, it's okay,” Keith said. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened with Lance's ex to have left him so messed up. He couldn't imagine someone breaking Lance's heart that badly. But if Lance didn't like dwelling in the past, if whatever this person did to him ruined him so much that Pidge was near tears about Lance being normal, he wasn't sure he wanted to ask yet. He didn't want to make Lance tell him.

Lance had been patient with Keith. Waited until Keith was ready to talk about his own past, backed off when he noticed Keith getting uncomfortable with questions. Keith could do the same for him. 

Pidge sighed and grabbed a textbook, busying herself. Keith looked over at the kitchen and saw Lance looking over at them worriedly. Keith smiled, hoping it would reassure him. Lance smiled and was pulled by Hunk who was asking him for something. Still bent over her textbook, Pidge said, “I mean I get it. It does sound strange, and if this were anyone else, I’d be suspicious too. But Lance is an honest person.” She looked at him and smiled. “If he says he likes you, he means it.”

Keith smiled back and nodded. But Shiro’s question kept rummaging around his brain. 

_ What do you want?  _

At the moment, Keith wanted to cuddle up next to Lance and steady himself by counting his breaths. That’s all he wanted. 

A while later,the cookies were done, Hunk and Pidge had gone to the library, and Lance had his arms around Keith as they sat on the couch. 

“You okay?” Lance murmured in his ear. 

Keith nodded and and leaned back into him. “Just a little spoon kind of day,” he said. 

Lance hummed and hugged him tighter. “What happened at lunch?” 

Keith shook his head. “Ah, you know. Shiro just fulfilling his big brother duties. Making sure I'm not pregnant or something.” 

“Keith.”

“I know, I told him it's biologically impossible but, I mean, big brothers- whatcha gonna do?” 

He felt his head get tilted until he met Lance's eyes. Soft and comforting and the kind of blue that Keith only saw in surreal paintings. 

There was a smile on his face, but a quiet steadiness in that shade of blue in his eyes. “If you don't want to tell me, you can say that too, you know?” 

He wasn't sure why that was so relieving to hear. “I… I don't want to talk about it right now.” Lance nodded and kissed him lightly. 

“We still going to the cookout tomorrow?” Keith nodded. “Cool. Because I was running around  _ como gallina sin cabeza  _ looking for something to wear-” 

“Wait, what?” Keith said with a laugh. “I understood the word hen and that's all.” 

Lance blushed and hid his face in Keith's shoulder. “It's a saying. Like a chicken without its head. You know, chickens kind of run around all crazy when their heads get cut off. My mom liked to say it when she would struggle to get us ready.” 

“Ooh, that's morbid.” Lance laughed softly, and Keith angled his head to force him out of hiding is face. “I like hearing you speak Spanish. It sounds like music.” 

“You should hear me singing in Spanish,” he answered with a laugh. 

Keith brightened and turned to him. “Could I?” 

Lance hesitated and laughed nervously. “I was kidding. I'm not much of a singer.” Keith hummed, swearing he'd heard him singing in the car before. “But I can teach you all the swear words.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and smirked. “What about a poem?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, looking at him uncertainly. “You have a lot of poetry books in your bookshelf. Do you have a favorite in Spanish?” 

Lance bit his lip and thought for a moment. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His voice was small when he spoke again. It was a whispered melody of sounds Keith didn’t understand. The sounds of the s’s overtook the letter between in the softness of his speaking. His mouth moved differently. Keith could hear the occasional lilt, the accent placed on a certain syllable, he felt the rhythm of the words the way Lance spoke them. He could imagine where each line break would go. Lance’s voice got steadier as he spoke, stronger. Keith stared at him, fascinated by the calm expression on his face, wistful even. 

There was a peacefulness in Lance’s face as he recited the poem from memory, eyebrows furrowing now and then, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, the gentleness of his voice, like a caress. Until his voice lowered again and he opened his eyes. They were distant, longing. The smile finally stretched across his face slowly, and Keith was afraid to speak, afraid to break the spell Lance had cast. 

Then those eyes were on him, smiling fondly, chuckling at the awestruck expression on Keith’s face. “That was Pablo Neruda’s  _ El Mar.  _ The Sea. Neruda grew up with the ocean, and usually found a lot of inspiration there. The poem is about the beauty of it, the importance it had and the love he felt for it. I love that poem because I always felt like the words were picked from my brain.” Lance ran his hand through Keith’s hair slowly. “I haven’t recited poetry in a long time. I’m surprised I still remembered it.”

“Why haven’t you?” Keith asked softly, feeling himself melt into him again at the gentleness of his touch. No one had ever touched Keith so carefully, so softly…. 

“Just caught up in other school work. I read them when I have time, but… I haven’t really said any or written any….” He shrugged and set his chin on Keith’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around him, his legs crossed under Keith’s own. Keith was fully encased by Lance, and it was comforting. 

“Well, if you ever wanna read any to me…. I never liked poetry because I never understood it. It felt like a coded message and I never knew how the hell to decode it. But the way you read it, even in another language… it makes me feel like I can understand it.” Lance chuckled and hugged him tighter. After a moment, Keith felt a nod. “Hey, Lance?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I know we have some unfinished business from this morning, but… I think I just want to do this tonight.” 

“That sounds perfect to me.” The response made Keith smile. He knew Lance wouldn’t have gotten annoyed or upset. He knew Lance wouldn’t even have initiated anything more if Keith didn’t. Still, it was nice to be right. It was nice to know him that well. 

They channel surfed through movies until they came upon Shrek 2, which was apparently one of many of Lance’s favorites. He was even mumbling the lines under his breath along with the character, but Keith could hear it clearly at his ear. He couldn’t help but smile at that. It was cute.

Eventually, Lance laid down, bringing Keith with him, insisting he get the prime little spoon treatment. About ten minutes from the ending, Lance fell asleep, his breaths slow and tickling Keith’s neck. 

He waited until the next movie was well over halfway before turning the TV off and pulling Lance into his arms to get him to bed. Lance, heavy sleeper that he was, only grunted in response to being hoisted up and carried. Keith was still careful about laying him down, though. Once he was tucked in, he ran his hand through his silky brown hair and observed the way the faint light streaking in accented his cheekbone, his jawline….

There was a part of Keith that felt like he was on a timer. He didn’t know how long the timer would go, but it was counting down, and Keith couldn’t change that. He wondered if all these little things with Lance would one day become mere memories. Would the little spoon/big spoon switching become what the arm-over-shoulders thing had become? Would watching Shrek and quoting movies as they played become what graffiti had? Would poetry and singing in the car become what dance became- something he still enjoyed but would always have to share with someone who had made him feel robbed? 

He wondered if Lance would show Shrek 2 to someone new in the future. Wondered if he’d think of Keith if he did. It was just a movie. But sharing it with Lance made it feel like more than that, and the idea of one day losing Lance and knowing in the back of his brain that someone new would be the one watching him quote it and drum his fingers along to the music made his stomach flip. The idea of Lance discovering new movies and songs without him made Keith unable to breathe. The idea of someone else becoming his little spoon, his big spoon…. 

Shit, he fucked up. He’d been perfectly fine keeping his distance, and now, within the span of a week, he was clinging to the things that made them Keith-and-Lance. Shiro was right. He had no idea how to do things in mediation. It was either keep Lance at a distance or… fall ridiculously fast and hard for him. 

The problem was, Keith couldn’t just go back to keeping him at a distance. Not when he was in this deep. 

He laid down slowly so he could face Lance and breathed in the soft, sweet smell of his laundry detergent. Dragonfruit? He wrapped an arm around Lance and curled in closer. The knot in his throat eased when Lance tightened his hold on him. Even in his sleep, he brought Keith closer. 

Keith sighed leaned into his chest to let his heartbeat lull him to sleep. 

_ Please be different. It might take me a while to believe it, but please. Please stay. _


	6. Part 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short but ahhhh

There was absolutely no reason to feel guilty. There were no doubts, no unresolved emotions, no… no reason to feel guilty about helping someone. 

The calls had come during the movie, silenced the first two times. The third made something uncomfortable lurch in Keith’s stomach and he’d answered with an excuse of going to the bathroom. 

The voice on the other end…. It didn’t sound okay. Maybe it was all bullshit, and maybe it was some kind of ploy, but Keith could wager that  _ after  _ doing his part as a decent human being. 

A knock on his window made him jolt. He double checked that his door was locked, then went to the window to open it. He could see Roland’s silhouette, but he wasn’t stepping closer. “You gonna stay out there or let me look at you?” he asked, still wary, but very concerned. 

Keith wasn’t stupid. He knew it was suspicious that Roland suddenly wanted his help, wanted to talk after Lance came into the picture. But surely no one could fake such a broken voice like the one he’d heard on the phone. 

A moment later, Roland stepped toward the window. The sight made Keith’s stomach churn with a mix of disgust and horror. 

His left eye was a dark, near-black purple, swollen shut. The welt reached his cheek, making his entire face asymmetrical. He had a cut that went from the side of his nose down to where his upper lip met his lower, that whole part of his mouth crusted with blood. Bruises and scrapes littered the rest of his face. It took Keith a moment to realize his clothes were crumpled and torn. 

“What the hell happened to you?” Keith asked. 

“You said you wouldn’t ask questions.” 

Keith clenched his jaw and looked him up and down. “Considering you’re asking to stay the night here and you get here looking like you got mobbed by a fucking gang  _ and  _ I’m your dance captain, I think I reserve the right to ask.” 

Roland scoffed and paced back and forth, his eyes constantly flitting to the side. “Look, I just need to stay tonight. My paycheck will come through tomorrow, and I’ll get a hotel and stay out of your hair, okay? I don’t have anywhere else to go right now.” Keith stared him down and Roland got closer, his voice dropping. The one open eye full of fear. “You told me you don’t hate me, Keith. Please.” 

Keith let out an exhausted sigh. He knew Roland had plenty of friends. He had a girlfriend. Keith knew he had a strained relationship with his stepfather and mother, knew his dad was entirely out of the picture. Part of him connected the bruises to the faceless asshole Keith had only heard complaints about. But it left the question- why didn’t Roland go to literally anyone else?

“Fine. But be quiet. If Shiro hears you, I can’t promise he won’t make this worse. I might not hate you, but he sure fucking does.” Roland nodded, not even miffed by the comment. With Keith’s help, he slowly made his way in through the window. Keith noticed a few more bruises, but he kept his mouth shut. “Stay here. We’ve got a first aid kit in the bathroom. Don’t make any noise.” 

Roland nodded, and Keith left the room. He could hear Shiro and Adam in the living room, deciding on what to watch next. He went into the bathroom, keeping his steps normal. If he tried to stay quiet, Shiro would catch on. If he overdid the steps, Shiro would get suspicious. 

He grabbed the first-aid kit and stuffed everything he needed into his pocket, just in case one of them happened to be passing by when he walked back to his room. He flushed the toilet, and walked out, starting down the hall. 

“Did you wash your hands?” he heard Shiro shout from the living room. 

“Nope!” he called back. He didn’t hear the next response. He went back into his room, locking it again. When he turned around, he was surprised to see Roland sitting on the floor near the window. “Why did you sit on the bed?” 

Roland looked at him with his one disbelieving eye. “I was sitting outside your window for a while, I’ve got dirt and blood on me. Didn’t think you’d appreciate that on your sheets.” Keith hummed and knelt down next to him, pulling out everything from his pocket. 

Ointment, band-aids, disinfecting wipes, cotton pads. “I’ll lend you something to sleep in. You can take the bed.”

Roland looked like he was about to protest, but then he sighed and nodded. “Thank you.” Keith grabbed one of the disinfectant wipes and tore it open, setting to work. Roland winced, but otherwise didn’t fidget. His gaze moved about the room. “What’s with the giant Stitch doll?” he asked. 

“Lance won it for me at a carnival.” 

Roland hummed. Then after a while, he asked, “Is that where the pictures are from too?” Keith glanced over and saw the strip of photo booth pictures taped up to his wall. He smiled and nodded. “You said he was over today, right?” 

“Yep. He met Adam and Shiro formally.” Keith finished wiping the blood off and grabbed the ointment. 

“Wow. Big step.” Keith didn’t answer. “Can I ask how it went?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “It went well. Some awkward moments, but it was good. They like him.” 

Roland nodded, closing his eye as Keith gently smeared the ointment on his swollen one. It made Keith wince with how fragile and rubbery it felt. He was certain Roland was in pain, but he only clenched his jaw and breathed steadily as Keith finished up. The only band-aid he could put to use was a small one over the cut above his lip. Then he taped the cotton pad over his eye to keep it from getting irritated. 

“Thanks,” Roland said. “For… making me a pirate.” 

Keith had to laugh at that. Roland finally smiled and it soothed Keith’s anxiety about the whole thing. The injuries seemed so horrible, there was part of Keith that wasn’t sure he’d smile again for a while. But it was also weird because he hadn’t smiled at Roland much less laughed with him in a long time. 

“Um, let me get you something to change into. I can bring a soda and some chips if you’re hungry.” 

After a moment of hesitation, Roland nodded and stood up. Keith walked to his dresser and pulled out a shirt and a pair of shorts for him. Then he left the room again and went into the kitchen to grab what little food he could sneak into his room. 

As he grabbed stuff from the kitchen, his phone buzzed. 

_ Ya llegue and missing my koala ❤️ sleep tight _

Keith smiled at his phone and responded a quick good night text. It was unfair how easily Lance made butterflies burst in his stomach. Like he was some fifteen year old with a crush. He couldn’t deny what a wonderful feeling it was though. 

At the sound of the chips and the fridge shutting, Keith heard Shiro call, “Are you eating again?” 

“I’m hungry,” he answered, stopping in front of the living room with a bag of chips, dip, and a soda in his hand. “What are you guys watching?” 

“Marvel movies, wanna join?” 

Keith hummed and shook his head. “I’m kind of tired. See you guys in the morning.” 

They both called a goodnight as he went to his room. He opened the door hesitantly, not wanting to walk in on a half naked Roland. But he’d given him enough time, and honestly, it was nothing Keith hadn’t seen before. If by chance he was still changing, Keith just wouldn’t look. Besides, Shiro would be wondering why he knocked on his own bedroom door. 

Thankfully, Roland was fully dressed, sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. His head snapped up when Keith came in. Keith tossed him the chips. “Don’t make a mess on my bed.” 

Roland opened his mouth before chuckling and shutting it. “Okay. Thanks.” Once he started eating, Keith pulled out some spare blankets to lay out on the floor. Then Roland asked, “Does your boyfriend know I’m here?” 

“He’s not-” Keith sighed, deciding that he didn’t want to deal with questions and have to explain himself to yet another person, much less Roland. “No. He’s asleep.” No reason to feel guilty. “So why didn’t you go to your girlfriend’s? Or one of your other friends’ places?” 

“I don’t…. They’d ask questions. I don’t want to answer them.” Keith huffed and grabbed one of his Stitch for a pillow. “Naturally, my only other option was the ex that hated me until recently.” 

Keith shot him a glare.  _ You said we were never dating.  _ “You’re treading on thin ice, Roland,” he muttered. 

He blushed and lowered his gaze. “Sorry.” 

Without answering, Keith laid down and stared at his ceiling. It felt weird having Roland in his room again. The only times that happened in the past were the times Roland was with him for a fuck, sneaking over in the dead of night. Now, everything was different. 

Now, Keith had Lance. And unlike a few months prior, seeing Roland, or being near him didn’t make him self-conscious and nervous. Now he had no idea what was going through Roland’s head. This time, Roland wasn’t there with the intent he had before. The memories made Keith’s skin crawl, and he fought the urge to scratch himself clean of them. 

His eyes unconsciously drifted to Roland, only to find Roland was already looking at him, chewing slowly. “What are you thinking?” he asked. “Your face looks all… pensive.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “It’s called a resting bitch face. Hurry and finish so I can turn off the light and sleep.” 

It was silent, so Keith started scrolling through his phone to ignore the awkwardness of it. 

He didn't  _ have  _ to tell Lance. Nothing was happening, it was an emergency, and it wasn't important. Besides, as he'd had to explain several times already, they weren't even dating. Even if they were, wasn't Keith entitled to some level of privacy? 

Thinking through it just made Keith wonder why he didn't want to tell Lance. He knew he didn't like Roland anymore. And he knew that if Roland tried something in the middle of the night, Keith could easily fight him off, especially in the state he was in, or furthermore, if he for some reason couldn't, Shiro was a door away. He wasn't in danger, and he wasn't doing anything bad. 

He just didn't want to tell Lance for some reason…. 

Okay, so maybe he did have reasons. Maybe he didn't want Lance thinking he still liked Roland. Maybe he didn't want Lance to get upset with him for helping. Maybe he didn't want to feel stupid and naive for being nice to someone who had hurt him. Maybe he didn't want to have a fight with Lance because it would be their first real fight and what if that jinxed everything and marked the start of a downhill slope?

So no, he didn't want to tell Lance. It was only one night anyway. They weren't even sharing the bed. If Shiro hadn't hated him so much, he'd have sent him to the couch even. It was fine. His brain had to stop over thinking. 

“Um. I'm done.” 

Keith looked over and nodded. “Leave the chips on the desk. If you finished the dip just throw it away.” 

Roland nodded and got up to do what Keith said. Then the lights turned off. Keith unconsciously tensed during that strange moment it took his eyes to get accustomed to the change in lighting. He relaxed when he heard the shuffle of bed sheets. 

“Keith?” It was a soft whisper, but it startled Keith all the same. “You know how… I didn't let you ask me questions after… everything?” 

It was a memory had shoved in the back of his mind. But of course he remembered. Remembered how pathetic he felt when he trailed after Roland, near tears and confused, mumbling half questions until Roland shoved him away and gave him the dirtiest look Keith had ever received from anyone. 

“You're making it really hard to be nice to you.” 

“I'm sorry, I just…. You didn't have to do this. And if you wanted answers…. I'll answer them. I owe you that much.” 

Answers. To things like why the sudden change? Why make Keith feel like he was playing with his mind when it had been Roland who initiated everything? Why deny everything they had been? Why leave, why lie? 

God, Keith wanted answers. At least he'd wanted them then. 

Now, the answers didn't seem to matter. So why ask for them? He shifted, turning his back to the bed and holding onto his Stitch tighter. 

“Don't worry about it. I'm over it. Goodnight.” 

There was no response to that. Neither of them moved. All Keith could hear were measured breaths and the faint hum of whatever movie Shiro and Adam were watching. After what felt like an eternity, Keith figured Roland fell asleep. 

But then he heard him again, his voice softer than a whisper, still shattering the silence. “Keith?” Keith sighed and hummed. “This might not mean anything from me, but I’m glad someone’s doing things right with you.” 

Keith stared at the faint shadows of his wall in the dark. That only brought on a whole slew of new questions. Instead of asking, Keith just answered, “Yeah. Me too.” 

He struggled to fall asleep for a while, a result of the tension he felt being near Roland and the nervousness of the slight possibility of Shiro wanting to come into his room,  _ and  _ the internal debate in his head about telling Lance. When he did manage to sleep, he kept waking up due to some part of his conscious seeping into his unconscious each time he felt he was finally getting some decent sleep. 

By the time the sun shone through his window, he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. It wasn’t long before Roland started groaning as he woke up. He woke up with the slightest amount of light, and had always hated the way the sun streamed into Keith’s room. At that moment Keith had no sympathy, though. Shiro would be up soon and if Keith wasn’t out there joining him for breakfast he’d come check on him because Keith was always up early. 

As Keith folded up his blankets, Roland slowly roused himself, wincing at the sunlight and then at the injuries on his face. 

“Still a fucking early riser,” he grumbled with a raspy voice, watching Keith move around the room. “It’s a Saturday.” 

Oh how Keith knew it. Weekends had started to become his favorite days because he got a chance to wake up way before Lance and watch him sleep. At that moment, Keith should have been waking up to Lance with his hair up in tufts, a line of drool down one cheek, smiling at the way he curled into Keith because he was always cold in the mornings. He should have been running a hand through ridiculously soft, brown hair, pressing soft kisses to warm brown skin- not enough to wake him, but just make him hum in his sleep. 

Instead, he was here, sleep-deprived and anxious. “Are you leaving now or later? I need to get breakfast, but I can’t bring you anything without Shiro or Adam probably seeing me. Where are you planning on going anyway? Did you park down the street or in my driveway because-”

“Dude!” Roland sat up, hands on his head. “I walked here. I couldn’t bring my car. I’ll just walk to the nearest hotel.” 

Walked. Keith knew Roland’s house was about a five minute drive from his own. Walking, that was anywhere between 20 to 40 minutes depending on how fast you walked. The nearest hotel was about 20 minutes out by car. There was no way Keith would have felt comfortable letting him walk that, especially in his current state. 

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, just stay in here. Go back to sleep if you want, but you’re not walking to a hotel.” Keith took a breath and nodded. “I’ll see if I can bring you something to eat. Just stay quiet. And don’t touch anything.” 

Roland nodded, sinking back into the sheets. Keith left the room, and tried to tell himself to act normal. He went to the kitchen and put some waffles in the toaster. Just as they popped out, he heard Shiro’s door open as he shuffled into the bathroom. Another set of steps came into the kitchen. 

“Morning, Keith.” Keith nodded at Adam. “You’re not still mad at me are you?” 

“Huh?” 

“About the honey bunches thing.” 

Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes. “It’s whatever. I just didn’t sleep much, so I feel slow.” 

Adam hummed as he grabbed some cereal. Shiro came in shortly after and microwaved one of those frozen breakfast sandwiches that Keith hated the smell of. Maybe it was his paranoia, but it seemed too quiet. Like they were watching him, waiting on him to slip. Part of him felt like he was going to burst and he considered just telling them that Roland was in his room. 

Oh, but that sounded so bad, and he knew Shiro would lose it faster than Keith could explain. 

“Okay, why aren’t you asking us anything?” Shiro asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“What?” 

Shiro pointed at his plate. Keith was surprised to see his waffles were now gone, and he hadn’t even realized he ate them. “You’ve finished eating and you haven’t asked us what we think of Lance at all. Aside from snap at us for a couple jokes during his visit, you haven’t… brought it up.” 

Keith bit his lip and shrugged. “I figured you guys liked him. You talked and laughed with him a bunch. Plus, even if you didn’t, I still do. So… I dunno.” But they had good points. Had it not been for Roland’s call during the movie and the fact that as soon as Lance left, Keith had been preoccupied with helping and hiding Roland, he hadn’t actually let himself wonder or react to the fact that Shiro now officially knew Lance. He looked at Shiro and arched an eyebrow. “But… what  _ did  _ you think of him?” 

Shiro smirked and shrugged. “I mean if you don’t care-”

“Shiro!” 

Adam and Shiro laughed at his expense. “He seemed pretty cool,” Shiro said. He looked at Keith and his expression softened. Keith could almost see the shift going from teasing, asshat brother to serious, protective older brother. “I think you’re both good for each other right now. He obviously really likes you, and… you’re happy with him. I can see why you always want to be with him.” 

“He’s also a nervous wreck and it’s adorable,” Adam said. “He seemed to really care about what Shiro thought of him. But not to the point of pretending to be something he’s not.” 

“However-” Keith groaned internally. It was too good to be true. He clenched his jaw as Shiro spoke. “I do think it was also obvious you both have a lot to talk about. It’s weird because you guys are somehow taking it slow but also really fast. I think it would help you both to clear up some things.”

“And we’re also sorry if we made jokes that made you both uncomfortable. We didn’t mean to, but like Shiro said, it showed you guys had some stuff to discuss,” Adam added. “I don’t know if my opinion matters much since I’m not Shiro, but I really liked Lance. I hope we get to hang out with him more often. He’s funny.” Keith chuckled and nodded. 

Shiro drummed his fingers on the table and seemed to consider his next words. When he spoke, he was hesitant. “Do you think you’d want Mom and Dad to meet him too? Or your mom?” 

The question made Keith freeze. Shiro was by far the person he was closest to in the family. But his parents were important too. His foster parents had put up with so much of his attitude when he first came to live with them, and he knew they loved him. Even without an official adoption, to them, Keith was their son. And his mom… she had worked so hard to be able to come back into his life. She knew he liked guys, but she never knew about the guys Keith got involved with. It was somehow more nerve wracking to introduce Lance to them than to Shiro because…. He wasn't sure why. 

“I dunno,” he finally said. “I feel like he'd have to actually be my boyfriend for that. Like… boyfriend for six months or more, because it's just- I dunno.” 

After a few moments of silence, he looked up and saw Adam and Shiro sharing one of annoying looks of silent conversation. But it was Shiro who spoke next. 

“Why does it sound like you don't think that'll happen? You really like him. And he really likes you.” 

Keith chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. But it hasn't been long so….” 

“So… you don't want your hopes up,” Adam finished for him. Keith shrugged and swirled the syrup around the plate with his fork. “How long were you and… Roland together?” 

“Little over a month. Technically. None of my relationships have really been more than a few months. I'm trying not to think about it.” 

The mention of Roland reminded him of the stow away in his room and how he needed to get him out soon. So instead of letting the conversation get to that serious point he knew Shiro was directing it towards, he got up to put his plate in the sink. 

He heard an exasperated sigh from where they sat. “Keith-”

“I'm okay,” he assured, stuffing a Pop Tart into his back pocket. “Doing my best to stay positive and stuff.” He stopped by the table again and smiled. “I really am okay. You don't have to worry so much. Both of you.” 

He hurried back to his room and locked the door. Roland was still asleep. Keith nudged his leg a few times before he woke up grumbling. 

He tossed the Pop Tart packet at him. “Breakfast.” Roland sat up and ate the pastry slowly, like he half expected to choke on it or realize it was poisoned. 

“Have you thought of how we’re gonna get out of here without your brother noticing me?” Roland whispered, tearing off another piece. 

Keith mulled it over. Whatever he was going to do, he had to do it soon because he didn’t like the anxiety of listening for Shiro or having to explain why his door was locked. Shiro was a good person, and Keith doubted he would actually do anything to Roland in the state he was in, especially with Adam here. But he’d already kept it a secret all night, and the last thing he needed was another voice- or two, knowing Adam- insisting that he had done something wrong or needed to tell Lance. 

If it had been anyone else, Keith would’ve helped. But if it had been anyone else, Keith wouldn’t have felt he needed to hide it to begin with. 

“Why are you scowling? What did I do?” 

Keith shut his eyes and tried to come back to reality. He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m thinking. I think we should just do what we did last night. Sneak out through the window. Except this time, meet me at the end of the block, and I can get my bike and meet you there. Then I’ll drop you off where you need to go.” Keith sighed and looked at his makeshift eyepatch. “You don’t want to go to a hospital?” 

He scoffed. “For a black eye and a few scrapes? Nah. Can’t afford that.” He crumpled the wrapper in his hand. “I gotta give you your clothes back.” 

“Keep it. If all you have is one other change of clothes, you’ll need it.” Again, worry spiked in him. He had other people to go to. Why wasn’t he asking for help? Why couldn’t he go home? “Start heading out. I’ll meet you in a bit.” 

Roland nodded and walked toward the window, shoving it up. He checked outside then slowly made his way out, not looking back as he started for the sidewalk. Keith shut the window and started changing. Before he left the room, he put the anti-inflammatory ointment in his pocket. 

Shiro and Adam were still at the table when Keith grabbed his keys. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Lance’s,” he answered. Shiro rolled his eyes and smirked. “I’ll see you guys later.” They both called out a goodbye and Keith couldn’t help but wince once the door shut behind him. He hated lying to Shiro, even for small things. 

He opened the garage and grabbed his motorcycle to start heading out. 

He reached the end of the street where Roland was sitting on the curb, letting his dirty-blond hair cover the patch over his eye. He looked up when he heard Keith’s engine. He stood up and stopped just beside the motorcycle. Keith took off his helmet and handed it to him. 

“You can wear it.” Roland nodded and put it on. He messed with the clip and strap until it fit properly. Then he stood there, staring. “Did you forget how to get on a motorcycle?” Keith asked. 

“No,” he snapped. “I just… I don’t know if you’re cool with… it.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I gotta get you to the hotel somehow. Just hold on and no snide comments.” Roland sighed and got onto the bike, hesitantly sliding his arms around Keith. Once Keith deemed his grip final, he took off. 

He could have believed he had a statue latched onto him. During the five minutes it took them to get to the hotel, Roland didn’t move once. And the second Keith stopped in front of the hotel, Roland let go and got off. Keith rolled his eyes and cut the engine as he got off. 

“You don’t have to come in with me.” 

“Do you have money? An ID?” Roland nodded and rummaged in the jeans he had the night before. He pulled out his wallet. “Okay. Well then… keep me updated. If you need to skip out on rehearsals, it’s cool. And here.” He pulled the ointment out of his pocket and handed it to him. “Try to stop getting beat up, okay?” 

Roland gave him a humorless smile. Then he nodded and rubbed his neck nervously. “Thanks for helping me out. I know I’m the last person who should be coming to you.” 

Keith wasn't sure what to say to that. His immediate reaction was to say it wasn't true, but… after everything? It was. A sudden change of a few weeks didn't erase everything Roland said and did. 

So he shrugged and said, “Hm. Second to last.” Roland scoffed and smiled. “I'll see you later.” 

“Okay, Keith.” He nodded once and then turned to go into the hotel. 

Keith sighed and got on his motorcycle again, ready to leave. He didn't think Lance was up yet, so he figured he could catch up on some readings he had for class at a coffee shop. 

Before he actually drove off, he sent Lance a good morning text, figuring he'd ask to go over whenever Lance woke up and texted him. It didn't take him long to get the nearest Starbucks, and he immediately took a table in the corner. He didn't particularly like reading on his phone, but he didn't want to go back home and have to explain why he left his things to begin with. 

When he turned his phone on he was surprised to see a response from Lance. 

_ Como amaneciste, koala?  _

Keith grimaced at the term, but he had to admit it made his heart flutter to know how much Lance liked the way Keith draped himself around him. He liked the way Lance texted him with a few Spanish words. Even if Keith only had the basics, it seemed like it was an important part of him, and Keith liked that Lance shared it with him. 

Keith groaned into his hands, simultaneously annoyed and flustered at how one text from Lance made him melt into a puddle. 

_ Pretty okay wyd up so early? Want me to go over? _

Lance responded when Keith was a paragraph in for one of his readings. 

_ I'm actually not home babe _

_ Um my sister came to visit me. She's annoyed I haven't told her anything about my “gf” 🙃  _

Through text, Keith couldn't really tell what Lance’s tone was coming off as. Was he joking? Nervous? Unhappy? Annoyed? He knew Lance loved his sister, but he knew Lance was also afraid of telling her about him. 

Try as he might, Lance never seemed to fully believe Keith when he said he didn't mind it. He knew coming out was scary for some people. And it wasn't like Lance was hiding him from everyone. 

_ Is that good or bad, pretty boy?  _


	7. Part 14

The wind felt like a slap in the face. Going fast was dangerous, but it was late and hardly anyone was on the feeder road. What few cars were still on the road were speeding on the highway, and Keith knew where cops tended to hide out at these hours anyway. 

He couldn't go back to his house. Shiro would hear him coming in and he'd ask why he hadn't just spent the night. But he didn't want to go back to Lance's. He couldn't. It hurt too much. 

_ Fuck.  _

This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. This pain that depended on someone else, this frantic lack of comprehension stemming from what he felt for someone else and what they didn't feel for him. 

Lance kept poetry, writing, and any bad things locked up so tightly, like he didn't want Keith to know. But Keith couldn't fathom why. He'd already shown he had his own baggage, he'd already laid out some of his own pain for Lance to know about. Hadn't he also proven that he would take Lance seriously- hadn't Lance wanted that?

He made a sharp turn, nearly losing his balance. He skidded to a stop, knowing Shiro was going to kill him for fucking up his tires but he was too pent up on anger to care. He went around the back of the gas station and began pacing in front of the graffiti. The streetlights from the street behind him allowed some light to fall on the shapes and colors, turning it into a washed out sepia. 

He was right. He was right, he was right,  _ he was right.  _

Keith scowled as he stared up at the dragon. 

_ No one's ever gonna love you like me, Keith. You know that right? But a lot of people in this world… they pretend. They pretend to care just to hurt you. We can only trust each other.  _

No, no, no. It wasn't true, and Keith knew it. He had Shiro. He had Adam. He had his foster parents, his mom. 

But Lance was supposed to be different. Lance was the one who said he wanted Keith to let him in. Lance wasn't supposed to make Keith feel like… like everything he'd been told before was true, he shouldn't have had that power in the first place. He knew what it was like for someone to have such an effect on his emotions. He hated it. 

He hated this feeling of being vulnerable. But he only hated it now because he felt hurt. Because he felt like Lance was using it to his advantage even if he didn’t know it, and now Keith was here at this stupid graffiti wall with reminders of everything. Everything _.  _

Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Lance had waited for Keith to be ready to talk, and he’d back off when he didn’t want to. Keith had tried to do the same, but….

There was something about the way he felt when he was listening to everyone talk about their past with him. He felt stupid when he was confused about the writing, and the hesitance his family had about his major. He felt like he should’ve known those things. He should’ve known since before Shiro and Adam asked him that he wanted to be a teacher, and why. 

But he hadn’t known any of it. Because Lance didn’t talk about it. Keith didn’t know why. He didn’t know if Lance just wanted to make Keith think his whole life was happy-go-lucky, or if it was because he didn’t trust him yet, or if it was just because he didn’t think it was important.

Maybe he didn’t even have the right to know. It wasn’t like Keith was his boyfriend. They both clearly didn’t want that. That was reason enough to keep things from each other…. 

Keith felt like throwing something at the stupid wall. Anything. Before he could think it through, he was back on his motorcycle and heading to the 24-hour Wal-Mart just a few blocks down. It was petty, probably stupid, and very unnecessary, he knew that much. But he needed to let himself burst.

He hadn’t let himself lose his temper toward Lance because he’d been on the receiving end of that before. He knew how terrifying it was for someone you liked to suddenly turn on you because they couldn’t handle it. And he didn’t want to let steam off by punching a cement wall coated in old spray paint. There was no way he would explain that to Shiro and no way he’d even be able to drive his motorcycle if he fucked his hand up that badly. 

By the time he was at the gas station, he had his array of weapons. A carton of eggs, a few moldy vegetables that were on clearance, and can of spray paint. 

“Six fucking years,” Keith muttered, opening the carton of eggs. He threw one at the flying griffin’s beady eye. “Six  _ fucking  _ years and you still have me all fucked up!” He threw another and another. “You were wrong! I always- deserved- more- than you!” Keith threw egg after egg, unable to even feel the cold in his fingertips.

He switched to the bag of old produce. Mushy tomatoes, badly bruised pears, anything he could find that he knew would be squishy enough to splatter against the wall. “You don’t own me anymore. You never fucking did.” Keith threw them at the dragon, wanting to destroy the image someone else had created for him, had tried to mold him into. “Powerful dragon my ass,” Keith hissed. More like shackled, tamed weapon. A pet to show off. 

_ Your foster family doesn’t get you, baby. But I do. That’s why I tell you everything. It’s you and me against the universe.  _

Keith threw another fruit. It splattered open, chunks of it flying back as it bounced from the force. “He’s not.... Lance is not…. You were wrong about everyone.” So why were the words still in his head? Why did part of him still believe them? 

Lance wasn’t using him. Wasn’t trying to get information out of him just to hold it over his head. Keith knew that, he knew it in some logical part of his brain, in his heart. 

But those words were still there. That idea of inequality existing because Keith wasn’t worth it, because it was going to be used against him…. That fear was still there. 

And it hurt too. It hurt that Keith had pushed through bad memories to explain to Lance why he was so hesitant about him, had told him a little about his mom, about what it was first like with the Shirogane family…. And for it to feel like Lance wasn’t even trying to push through his own bad memories. Were they just that bad, or did he just not want Keith to know? If Keith had made the effort why wasn’t Lance? And why did it hurt so much that Lance wasn’t telling him? 

Keith growled and pulled his hand back to throw another piece of produce at the art. 

Then he heard a sound. Something wet… like chewing with your mouth open. He grabbed his phone and shined a light immediately, catching a small animal lapping at the bits of food that had fallen to the ground after Keith threw them. Before he could get a good look though, the animal dashed under the dumpster quickly. 

Was that a cat? A dog? Maybe a raccoon? 

Keith rolled a peach toward the dumpster. A small snout stuck out from under the dumpster and sniffed, but when Keith took another step, it receded. Keith shone his light underneath, lowering the brightness to keep from startling the animal. As he fell to his stomach to look, he saw the gleam of the light reflected back with wide eyes, looking like creepy laser eyes staring back at him. But the small body was crouched, shaking at the far end of the dumpster. 

“Hey,” Keith whispered, holding the peach out gingerly. It was a dog. A small dog. It looked like a tiny bear with matted fur and floppy ears. “Come here, buddy. You hungry? I got a lot of snacks.” He broke open the peach and the dog’s snout twitched with interest. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry. I won’t hurt you. Come on.” He whistled gently, but the dog stayed put, staring back. “Okay, have it your way,” he huffed. 

He sat up and stared up at the defiled art piece. He tore apart the peach as he did, leaving pieces of it scattered around him. 

Sure enough, the dog slowly crept out from under the dumpster, finding the pieces of food and eating them hungrily. Keith got a better look at it. It looked like… maybe a German Shepard. The fur was too long for that, but the color scheme was right.One of the ears had a pointy end, despite it flopping, like the dog hadn’t quite grown into them. The other looked clipped, though Keith couldn’t tell if it was from another animal or a human. 

“You look pretty beat up,” Keith said, as though the thing could understand him. “Come here.” He held out his hand, another piece of peach in his hand. “It’s okay.” The dog neared him then backed off, torn between getting its food and not trusting the human figure. “Yeah, I get it,” Keith murmured. “Here.” He tossed the piece halfway between them. The dog flinched, then slowly crept forward to eat the fruit. “Wanna do me a favor and piss on the wall over there?” Keith asked. 

The dog sat, quickly swallowing his food and falling back. Keith tore another piece off. His hands were getting sticky, but he didn’t mind. He worried giving the dog the whole peach would result in the poor thing choking on the pit. But he started tossing the peach pieces a little closer, careful not to move too much the closer the dog got. 

“Did you run away?” The dog tilted its head. Keith gave the dog a once over, shining his flashlight on it. “You’re bleeding. Did someone hurt you?” Again the dog tilted his head further. Keith chuckled. “You’re cute. I’m out of peach, but here.” He held his hand out and the dog slowly walked forward, sniffing Keith’s hand. A hesitant tiny tongue licked out, making Keith laugh. 

Finally, the pup seemed to feel a little more at ease and took to licking all the peach juice from Keith hand and fingers. Keith noticed a collar around its neck, but he couldn’t see the name on the tag. When he turned his hand to pet it, he must have moved too fast because the dog whimpered and ran back to the dumpster, holding one of its hind legs up gingerly. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” Keith sighed, wondering what happened to this poor dog. He dug in his bag and pulled out a box of Nilla Wafers he’d gotten for himself. “You want one of these? I won’t scare you this time.” He huffed and shook his head. “I need to stop talking to you like you understand me. I sound stupid.” 

The dog let out a little huff and stared. Keith shrugged and put a pile of the cookies where he was sitting before he stood up. “Fine. You can eat while I’m not looking at you. I gotta finish my job here.” He grabbed the spraypaint and stood up, heading toward the wall. 

Stupid art, always so well-preserved. All these years and it was better taken care of than the actual gas station. Keith scoffed and uncapped the bottle before aiming at the griffin. He sprayed in haphazard circles, zig-zags, and slashes. Then he turned to the dragon and gave it the same treatment.

Maybe now Keith could let it go. If there was no art to see, there was no reason to come back. No reason to think of him. 

But no matter how ruined the art was, Keith would always remember him. He’d remember everything he’d been told. He could still imagine the weight of the arm over his shoulders, pulling him close.

_ You’ll do it for me, right my love? You won’t say anything, will you baby? You’re coming with me, aren’t you, buttercup? You love me, don’t you?  _

No matter how much Shiro had tried to help when Keith was finally free from that asshole, it was useless. It still was. 

Keith had tried hard all his life to never be defined by the things that happened to him. An orphan? A foster kid? It didn’t mean he had to live his life with that identifying him. Unsure of whether he was Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean, or something else? That was fine. It didn’t matter if he didn’t know his heritage, he could create his own path. 

When he realized he was gay, when he was brought in to different families, any time he was let down, all the struggles of changing schools, then his mom dropping in on him. It was all hard, and it was exhausting, but none of it defined him. He defined himself. His past didn’t have to determine who he was. 

But the effects that people had on him now…. The way he’d been treated, the things he’d been told…. They were burned into his memory as angry reminders. And even when things went well, when things were different, those words, those actions found their way up to the surface to tease him, to shackle him to a past he wanted to leave behind.

He hated it. He hated feeling like he may never truly break free from the grasp of someone who he hadn’t even seen in years. He hated that everything that happened with Roland felt like a reiteration, like life was laughing at him, proving his fears right. 

Keith threw the can at the wall with a shout before he knelt down, balancing himself on the balls of his feet. He pressed his hands to his face and shook his head. He wanted to get rid of that touch of those words of those memories.

Lance was nothing like him. Lance wasn’t trying to make some unbalanced power dynamic. He wasn’t trying to make Keith feel insignificant. Maybe he really just needed time. Maybe he just didn’t want Keith to feel bad for him. He looked stressed when Veronica talked about their dad’s opinion on Lance’s education. Maybe…. 

God Keith felt like he was going in circles. 

No tears. No tears, no tears. He would not cry over someone else ever again. Never. He was stronger than this. He plopped onto the ground, tired and shaking. It took everything in him to keep himself together- just barely. His body shook with the effort until he was gasping for breath. 

_ Why can’t I let you go?  _

Something nudged against his leg, making him start. He gasped as the puppy fell back, startled by Keith’s reaction. “Oh. Hey.” There were crumbs all over the dog’s maw, and Keith raised an eyebrow. “Did you enjoy your cookies? Let me get you more.” He stood up to grab the box of wafers, surprised to see it was empty. “Did you… eat them all?” Keith looked at the puppy who tilted its head. He hadn’t moved closer, but he hadn’t moved away either. 

He huffed and shook his head. “You could’ve left me one, you know?” The puppy yipped and Keith felt his heart melt at the small sound. “Alright, I forgive you,” he said with a chuckle. He sat back down on the ground and pet the space beside him. “Come here.” 

The dog cocked its head both ways in turn before slowly limping over. It pressed a paw to Keith’s leg before deeming it sturdy enough to climb onto, laying over his lap with its bad paw dangling. “Can I pet you?” Keith asked softly. He moved slower this time, giving the puppy a chance to see what he was doing. 

This time, he was able to touch the tangled, wet fur. “You could use a bath, buddy.” He moved his fingers along to the collar to twist the tag toward himself. 

_ Boxer.  _ Keith frowned. TIny, bear-like puppy like this didn’t look like a Boxer. He read the address as he scratched behind his ear. It was close by. A quick drive to the next exit on the highway. Keith knew the street because he passed it on his way to campus. 

“Your family must be worried. You look like you’ve been out on the streets for a while.” He hummed as he looked at his bike. “You’re small enough to fit with me if you don’t squirm too much. What do you say? Wanna go on a ride?” 

The puppy had no idea what Keith was saying but the more Keith scratched at his ear, the more he wagged his furry tail. Keith chuckled and gently wrapped his hand along the underside of his belly, lifting him as he stood up. “Easy, it’s okay,” Keith murmured as Boxer’s front paws wrapped around his arm tightly, like he half expected to fall. “It’s okay. I gotcha.” He unzipped his jacket and tucked the puppy in as best he could, careful of his paw. 

He started his motorcycle, driving slowly, aware of the injured puppy that could easily slip from his hold. But Boxer seemed more than happy to stay with his head turned to the wind. 

At least until they got to the street. There, Boxer started squirming, whimpering, and trying to get out of Keith’s jacket. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Keith said, grabbing him tightly. “Easy, buddy, it’s okay. I’m just taking you… home.” 

The dog was shaking. Even with Keith holding him tightly against his diaphragm, he could feel the tremors. The dog’s tail was curled in between his legs, and Keith was pretty sure he felt urine against his stomach. His ears were flat against his skull, his whimpers sounding similar to a small child’s. He was terrified. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Keith murmured, holding the puppy tightly. “You wanna come home with me?” He hushed the puppy, petting it soothingly. “You won’t go back. It’s okay.” He fiddled for the collar, unlatching it before he dropped it to the ground. “I don’t know what they did to you, but you won’t go back there. I promise.” Keith hunched over the puppy, shushing it until the whimpers quieted. He was still shaking, but he wasn’t trying to get away anymore. 

Keith revved his bike again and headed home. He didn’t want Shiro asking about anything, but he was now covered in dog piss, had an injured puppy, and nowhere else to go. When he made it home, he heard a door open, and Shiro came out, looking half asleep in a T-shirt and boxers. 

“Keith? What the hell are you doing home? It’s nearly two in the morning.” Before Keith could think of a response, Shiro added, “Why… do you have… a dog?” He sniffed the air and grimaced. “And what is that smell?” 

“Long story,” he answered. “I found him. I’m keeping him.” 

“Wh-”

“I gotta shower. And clean him up.” Keith walked past Shiro towards the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and patted the tub. “Come on, boy. Time for a bath.” But the puppy stayed put. He sat, staring at Keith for a moment, then made a move to start for the door. But Shiro appeared in the doorway, and the puppy scampered toward Keith. “Hey! Be careful, he’s really skittish. I think he was hurt by his last owner.” Keith picked him up and gently placed him in the water where he froze, but didn’t cower or whine. 

“Am I going to get any kind of explanation? About anything?” Shiro asked. “Why didn’t you stay at Lance’s if it’s so late? Where the hell did you find a dog?” 

Keith sighed and switched the water to the detachable shower head. The dog’s spine curved like a cat’s, but he stayed. His big eyes blinked up at Keith pitifully. “Found him by the dumpster.” 

“Dumpster.” Shiro leaned against the bathroom sink and waited. “Go on.” 

Keith sighed and rolled his eyes. “I got in an argument with Lance. I left-”

“To the gas station? You went back to that graffiti wall, didn’t you?” 

Keith shrugged. “It’s not so pretty anymore.” He grabbed the shampoo, making a mental note to buy one that was safer for dogs. He didn’t think one time would hurt, so long as he kept it out of the puppy’s eyes, but he knew it wasn’t the best choice either. 

“What are you- Keith, what did you do?” Shiro asked with a sigh. 

“Nothing that wasn’t called for. Right, buddy?” The pup stared at him, hunched over and soaking wet. “I tried taking him home, but as soon as we got to his street he freaked out. He started shaking and then he peed on me. He’s hurt, and I think whoever owned him did it to him.” 

“And so you’re keeping him.” Shiro sat on the toilet seat and Keith tried not to feel watched as he washed the puppy down. “What’d you and Lance argue about?” 

Keith grimaced. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He struggled to get all the soap out of the dog’s fur while being careful of the injured paw. It looked like a deep gash, but as Keith washed him, he noticed a few other gashes in different stages of healing. “Fucking assholes,” he muttered under his breath. “Can you get me a towel?” 

Shiro sighed and went to get one. When he came back, he looked at Keith with curiosity. “Did you guys break up?” 

“We're not-!” Keith blushed and shook his head. “We aren't dating. So there's no breakup. I don't know, I… I left.” 

“Left… him, or just his place?” 

Keith sighed and rubbed his face with the dry part of his arm as he helped the dog out of the tub. “Do you mind? I smell like dog pee and need to shower.” He tried to hand the dog over, but he started thrashing again. “Whoa! Okay, you stay here then.” 

Shiro backed off and shook his head. “Well… just knock on my door if you want to talk.” 

Keith nodded and waved him away. He kept the puppy wrapped in the towel as he took his own shower. He heard his phone buzz and checked the sender. Lance. 

_ I know you're angry, but please just tell me if you got home okay. _

Keith didn't think he'd still be awake. But if he still messaged him, then maybe it wasn't a “break” of any kind. Just an argument. 

Keith wiped the water from his fingers and answered. 

_ I'm home.  _

He turned off the sound on his phone and finished showering. He wrapped the towel around his waist and picked up the dog before going to his room to change. When he was done changing, he worked on trying to dry his new dog off gently. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed the LED light on his phone with the blue color of a received text. He unlocked it and checked the text. 

_ Okay. goodnight. _

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and put his phone down. The dog’s big eyes flitted up toward Keith, as if in question. “Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know the details.” The puppy blinked. “I’ll talk to him eventually. He’s just… confusing me.” The eyes flitted away and his little body shook to get rid of the water on his fur. “Agh! So I know whose side  _ you’re  _ on.” The puppy yipped and crawled into his lap. He started licking at his hind leg and Keith gently nudged his maw away. “Don’t do that.” 

The puppy bit onto his hand, and Keith could feel the way he shook slightly as he restrained his bite to remain playful. “What do you say we give you a new name? That way you get to start over completely.” The puppy responded by biting more of Keith’s hand. “Okay, tell me which one you like.” Keith hummed as he pulled his hand back. “What about Lycan? A little on the nose, I think, but sounds cool.” No response, of course. “Hm, what about… Stitch?” The dog bit towards Keith’s hand again. “Ooh, you don’t like that. Hm. Maybe… Kosmo? With a K because I’m Keith.” The puppy pawed at his chest and yipped. “Hey! You like that one! Alright, Kosmo, let’s wrap your leg up until I can get you to a vet.” 

Keith carried him toward the bathroom again and placed him on the counter. He pulled out the gauze from the first aid kit and wrapped it around Kosmo’s hind leg. Kosmo kept trying to nip at Keith’s hand as he wrapped him up. He had to be careful about how he moved around Kosmo, because fast movements made the him flinch or whine. 

“It’s okay, boy. You’re not going back there anymore. I won’t hurt you. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” He carried him again and placed him on the bed. “You’re safe, Kosmo.” Keith pet his head gently as he stared at his ceiling, thinking of everything he’d said to Lance. 

Maybe it was just an argument, but Keith didn’t know how they were supposed to get over it. It was clear Lance wasn’t going to explain. And it wasn’t like Lance could take back Keith knowing about his writing so he could tell him himself. But Keith couldn’t just say he was fine when he wasn’t even getting explanations for why Lance hadn’t told him. He didn’t want to go see him and have it become an even bigger argument. He didn’t want to not see him and have it turn into something it didn’t have to be. 

Keith didn’t know what to do. It was driving him nuts. Kosmo nuzzled closer to him, snuggling his snout under Keith’s pillow and huffing. Keith decided to pet him to lull himself to sleep and get the thoughts out of his head. 

The next morning, he woke up to a paw clawing the blankets away. Keith blinked in confusion before he remembered that he’d taken Kosmo in. “What is it?” 

The puppy yipped again and again, nearing the edge of the bed before falling back and pawing at Keith again. He couldn’t jump off. He limped around in a circle, whining, but when Keith got up, he started wagging his tail. “Wanna go outside?” Kosmo barked and Keith laughed as he picked him up to take him to the backyard. 

By the time Keith brought him back inside, Shiro was already awake and making breakfast. Kosmo ran into the kitchen with his nose in the air. Keith followed, watching him to be sure he didn’t mark his territory inside. 

“So… did you replace Lance with a dog or something?” Shiro asked as he dropped a sausage to the floor. Kosmo pounced on it and laid on the floor to tear it up. 

“No,” Keith answered.

Shiro gave him a sidelong glance. “Well…. You seem pretty calm about it.” Keith scoffed. “Why’d you go to the gas station last night? Why didn’t you just come home?” 

“I don’t want to be interrogated, Shiro.” 

“I wouldn’t if you hadn’t come home at two in the morning with a dog, post-vandalization, and pretending everything’s okay with this argument. You could’ve gotten hurt, Keith. Or sick! It was cold and that place is disgusting. The dog could have had rabies-”

“Kosmo is fine. He’s just a runaway. I’ll take him to the vet today.” 

Shiro frowned. “Why did Lance just let you leave?” 

Since he was evidently not going to be able to avoid the topic of Lance and their argument, Keith sighed and sat down at the table. “He didn’t. I left because I wanted to. He tried to stop me, but I was angry, and I didn’t want it to make things worse.” 

“So naturally you ran off.” Keith scowled and Shiro rolled his eyes. “Sorry. But you know I’m right.” 

“Whatever.” Shiro snorted and offered him a plate of spam and eggs. Keith accepted it and began to poke at it with a fork. Kosmo seemed interested by the smell, but he paced around the table like he was scared to get too close. “It’s just…. I know we’re not in a real relationship, so I’m probably not entitled to anything. But it still sucks that I’ve told him so much and he never tells me anything. It feels like he’s hiding from me or trying to make me more vulnerable to him, and I don’t like it. Everything I find out, I find out because of someone else.” 

Shiro seemed to take some time to digest Keith’s words. “I’m not.... Entirely sure what you mean by that. I thought Lance talked to you about a lot of things.” 

“Yeah, about his siblings or his favorite teachers in middle school or… all the happy and funny things. Or his favorite movies or songs. But he doesn’t… he doesn’t tell me anything that’s, y’know, upsetting.” Shiro furrowed his eyebrows, and Keith groaned. “Okay, for example, I didn’t know he wrote poetry until one of his friends told me he did. And I figured it must not have been a big deal if he didn’t mention it. Then his sister said-”

“You met his sister?” 

“Yeah, she visited yesterday. But the point is, she said Lance had been writing since he was six. Then he just stopped, out of nowhere. There’s obviously a reason for that, right? But when I asked he lied and when I called him out on it, he just said he didn’t want to tell me.” 

Shiro chewed thoughtfully and nodded. “Okay. Well…. Maybe he just wants you to know the best parts of him. To impress you. It takes time to talk about hard stuff.” 

“I  _ know  _ that!” Keith snapped. “I know that better than anyone! But I-” He took a breath and put his head in his hands. “I’ve opened up to him. I’ve been vulnerable, because I figured he’s genuine and he trusts me so maybe I can trust him. But he doesn’t trust me, Shiro. And I’ve told him about Roland, and about Mom and Dad, about  _ my  _ mom. I’ve told him how you got me into dance. I’ve told him some of the hard stuff. Not all of it, because yeah, it takes time. But he….” 

Shiro let out a long breath and nodded. “I think… people have a right to take longer times to talk about things. I get why you feel the way you do, Keith. After all you’ve been through, I get why you’re assuming or expecting the worst.” He tapped the table until Keith looked up. From the perimeter of the table, Kosmo barked at the sound. “But Keith, after meeting him… he seems to mean everything he says. Everything he does. I think that if he didn’t tell you, he had good reason, and maybe he would’ve with time. But other people got involved. It would’ve been like… if I told Lance about Roland the day he picked you up for a date.” 

Keith sighed and let that sink in. He tried to let the logic override his pride and hurt. Shiro was right. What they had was still new. It wasn’t even official. He’d overreacted. Lance wasn’t Roland. He wasn’t…  _ him.  _ Lance was Lance. He’d taken Keith by surprise and proven he was different from the very start. This wasn’t some power play or secret ploy to reduce Keith to vulnerability. 

It was just bad timing.

“Look, the first fight always sucks. It’s scary. But you move past it.” Shiro crossed his arms. “In a healthy relationship, they’re gonna happen sometimes, but you don’t just run away each time they do. And you figure it out.” Keith hummed and stared at the table. After a while, Shiro asked, “So… do you have money to get dog food or a leash or… anything?” 

“I… don’t know how much all of it costs, but I was hoping Kosmo’s uncle Shiro would help me?” 

Shiro rolled his eyes and got up to grab his wallet. He handed Keith a hundred dollar bill. “You need to find a new job. That should cover all the vaccinations and the basic dog stuff. If he shits inside, you’re mopping.” 

“Yeah, okay, Dad,” Keith muttered with a roll of his eyes. 

Shiro chuckled and took out another hot dog for Kosmo to chew on along with a small plastic container for him to drink water from. Shiro sat on the couch as Keith started scrolling through nearby vets and pet stores.

He started with a pet store for food, a collar, a rope toy, and a leash. He dropped that off at home so he wouldn’t have to tote it on his bike the whole time. Then he stopped at a vet clinic that took walk-ins, hoping the vaccinations and helping the gash on Kosmo’s leg wouldn’t be too pricey. 

By the time he was at the vet’s, he knew Lance would be awake. Keith didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t replied last night, so maybe Lance was waiting to hear from him. But Keith was busy at the moment anyway. 

He waited until after Kosmo got his check up- officially caught up on vaccines and his wounds properly cleaned- before he headed back home. He didn’t like that he could only have Kosmo in his jacket while on his bike, especially since the vet said he’d grow to be a pretty decently sized dog, somewhere within the medium to large breed range. It was a guess, since they didn’t know if Kosmo was mixed or a purebreed. He made a mental note to get the car back from his foster parents. 

It wasn’t until he got home that he decided to call Lance. He answered within the first few rings. 

“Keith? Are you okay? Please tell me you’re not calling to tell me you never want to see me again-”

“Can you have dogs in your apartment?” 

“I- what?” Keith repeated the question. “Um. Probably not, but if I can sneak one up, I don’t think anyone would notice…. Why?” 

“Do you mind dogs in your car?” 

“Do you… have a dog now?” Keith tugged on the rope toy that Kosmo was growling around as he pulled back vigorously with what small amount of strength he had. “Hello?” 

“Uh. Yeah. It’s… a long story. But….” Keith sighed. “I know we should talk after… yesterday.” 

There was a brief pause before Lance answered. “Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Um, no, I don’t mind dogs in my car…. Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“Please.” 

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” 

Keith thanked him and hung up. He pulled Kosmo closer with the toy and huffed. “There, are you proud of me?” Kosmo growled and tugged relentlessly. Keith snorted and shook his head as he continued playing, waiting for the knock on the door. 


	8. Part 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update the series!   
> This is the first time Keith's pov gets longer though, so I'm hoping that these 33 pages make up for my tardiness! I also have school work piling up for the second half of the semester, so that kind of contributed. I'm hoping to get back to regular posting though. 
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested, I have a Ko-Fi! https://ko-fi.com/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney

It was hard to think. There were too many things to think about, all with their own trails of side thoughts. Keith tried to narrow his focus to the act of removing his dance clothes in favor of the clothes he’d worn all day, but the thoughts kept running like a minimized video tab. 

Where the hell was Roland? Just how much trouble had he gotten into if he just disappeared? Why did he feel so bad for caring about what happened to him? Why was Lance being so… nice about it? Even Keith was annoyed with himself for worrying so much about Roland, and here was Lance offering to  _ help  _ and it just…. It was all very confusing. 

Keith got out of his stall and went to the sink, pushing his hair back as he splashed water on his face to tether himself to reality. He let out a frustrated sigh and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Disheveled and frantic. Over Roland’s disappearance? Over Lance’s unexpected reactions? Who fucking knew anymore?

He dried his face with the horribly rough paper towels the campus offered then started for the door. The sight of it made him freeze. The very same spot where Roland had cornered him, used the same harmful words that terrorized Keith’s mind every day, however quiet or loud they might be depending on the day. The very spot they’d started fighting. Roland had called him a psychopath. 

Even so, Keith couldn’t muster up the indifference he partially wished he felt.

He left the bathroom and got back to their rehearsal room. Most of them were leaving, a couple stayed behind to keep listening to music and talk or stretch. Colleen was already gone. Lance was still in the same spot he’d left him, only now Alexa was beside him. 

Lance looked worried. As soon as Keith was within hearing range, Lance said, “Hunk and Pidge haven’t seen him on campus today. Hunk says he hasn’t contacted his group in class.” 

“What’s the big deal? He’s probably just playing hookie. He’s not really known for being responsible. That’s why you ended up as captain,” Alexa told Keith. 

Keith sighed and shook his head. “He was really messed up the last time I saw him. He didn’t want to go home or to any of his friends’ places. I don’t know who left him that way, but if he’s gone M.I.A since, that’s…. I just have a bad feeling.” 

“So… you’re gonna go looking for your ex-boyfriend with your new boyfriend,” Alexa said, looking between them. “This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Can I join?” 

Keith felt his face heat up, but he decided not to comment. “This isn’t a joke, Alexa.” 

She raised her hands in mock-surrender. “Sorry. But seriously, another pair of eyes could help.” 

Lance shrugged. “My car has space. Hunk and Pidge said they were going to the bookstore to study and they’d keep an eye out too. Pidge is also asking his friends if they’ve heard from him with a pretense of having him for a homework group.” 

“I can ask his girlfriend,” Alexa offered, pulling out her phone.

“Okay. Let’s check out the hotel. I swear to God if he just slept in, I’ll wring his damn neck.” He took Lance’s hand and they left the room. When they got to the car, Alexa slid into the backseat, asking for the aux cord as Keith pulled up the directions to the hotel for Lance to drive. 

“You mind putting on your seat belt? I get nervous about that,” Lance said, connecting the car Bluetooth to her phone. Keith glanced at the backseat and saw her sitting with her back to the car door, legs splayed across the seat. She grumbled and moved to sit behind the passenger seat properly as a some alternative indie song started playing. 

Keith tried calling Roland’s phone again as Lance started driving, but it went right to voicemail. “I don’t think he has any battery. It’s sending me straight to voicemail.” 

“Or he blocked your number,” Alexa said. “Aren’t you guys like enemies after the break up?” 

“It wasn’t-! Never mind. He didn’t block it,” Keith snapped. 

Lance looked over at him. “I thought you said you guys weren’t public.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows as that sunk in. He turned around to face Alexa. “How did you know about me and Roland?” 

Alexa looked up with wide eyes, feigning innocence, and Keith had half a mind to kick her out of the car right there. She shrugged. “I’ve been in dance a while. I saw how dopey you got around him when you brought him into the group. Then I noticed the very obvious cold shoulder you started giving each other. And since then, I’ve noticed the way he looks like a kicked puppy around you.” 

Confusion swept over Keith, but he didn’t know how to voice it, so he just stared at her. He managed to condense it into a single word. “What?” 

She sighed and leaned forward. “It’s easy to figure out what happened between you two.” She lifted her phone. “Also, his girlfriend is apparently not even his girlfriend anymore. They broke it off a few weeks ago.”

Keith frowned. Roland hadn’t said anything when Keith brought her up the night he stayed. He turned back around in his seat and stared out the window. No one spoke until Lance had pulled into a parking spot at the hotel. 

Fighting the urge to avoid eye contact with Lance like he found himself doing earlier, Keith looked over at him to gauge his reaction to everything. He looked more serious than he usually did, but if he was angry or annoyed he wasn’t showing it. If he was rubbed the wrong way by Alexa’s little recap, he didn’t look it. Honestly, it made Keith nervous. 

“Do you know his room number?” Lance asked as they got off. 

Keith shook his head. “No. I just dropped him off.” 

“So for all we know, he could have walked in, waited for you to leave, then dipped,” Alexa said. 

“You’re not helping,” Keith said through gritted teeth. Alexa shrugged and followed them into the lobby. Lance gestured to the front desk. Keith sighed and walked up. A girl with tight bun of blonde hair and sharp cheekbones greeted him. “Um hi. I’m looking for someone who came to stay here over the weekend.” 

“Do you know their room number? I can direct you to where the room is,” she said. 

“No. No, I don’t. I know their name though-”

“I’m so sorry, sir, but I’m not allowed to divulge information on guests. If you know them personally, they can come get you or tell you their room number-”

“Yeah, I’ve tried contacting them, they’re not answering, that’s why I’m  _ looking  _ for them,” Keith snapped. The receptionist’s smile became a bit forced.

Keith felt a hand at his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Easy,” he heard Lance murmur. “Hi. I’m sorry, we’re just all a little worried. We haven’t seen our friend in a while, and we’re scared he might be in danger. I know you can’t give us information, but what can you do if we know his name?” 

She eyed them warily, like she didn’t trust them. “I can’t tell you names, room number, check in, or check out information.” 

“He didn’t ask what you  _ couldn’t  _ do he-”

“Keith,” Lance interrupted. Keith scoffed and clenched his fists. “Okay. Would you be able to tell us if he was here at all? No room number or phone or other information, just so we know if we’re in the right place?”

She hesitated before nodding. “I think so. But I can’t give you more information than that.” 

“That’s okay! We really appreciate it. His name is Roland.” 

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, waiting for the rest. Keith stammered and finished for him. “Roland Norman. If he checked in with his full name, it’s Roland Leonel Norman.” 

She typed and nodded. “Well, you’re in the right place.” 

“So.” Keith was slightly startled by Alexa coming up on his other side to lean against the counter. The receptionist looked like she was close to breaking her smiley front now faced with a third person. “You can’t give us information on him, but does that mean you can’t call up to his room to let him know we’re here? We don’t have any other way to contact him, and I don’t think it would be helpful to anyone if we just started knocking on all the room doors.” Alexa laughed, playing a small threat off as a joke. 

The receptionist’s smile was tight-lipped and a flush had made its way to her cheeks. Keith sighed and shut his eyes. “Miss, he’s been missing for a few days. We’re just worried. Could you call up to his room and tell him we’re waiting down here for him?”

She didn’t say anything. She just sighed and grabbed the black phone on the desk. Keith waited with bated breath before the receptionist hung up. “I’m sorry. There’s no answer.” 

“Okay. Um. Then whenever he comes back, could you just….” Keith grabbed a hotel business card and a pen from a cup on the counter. He wrote his number down and the words  _ call me asap -K.  _ “Give him this if he comes back? Please?” 

She took the card and nodded. “Sure thing.” 

“Thank you.” Keith turned away and the three of them started for Lance's car. 

Once they were buckled in again, Lance looked over at Keith with an arched eyebrow. “You're not happy.” 

Keith grimaced, staring at the dash and shrugged. “What if he hasn't been back to his room all weekend?” 

“Well, what else can we do?” Alexa asked, leaning forward to rest on the back of the passenger seat. “It's not like we can go check his house to see if he's gone there.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “Oh shit.” 

Lance let out a breath and turned the car on. “You know where his place is?” 

The discomfort in his voice made Keith cringe and panic. He didn't want to push his limits. They'd just gotten past two arguments over the weekend, he didn't want another. 

“Babe?” 

Keith looked back at him nervously. “You know what, it's okay. We can just wait to see if he calls me back or not.” Lance kept his gaze steady on him, uncertain and quiet. “Really, it's fine. Let's go back to campus so Alexa can get her car and I can get my bike.” 

Keith rubbed his face, hoping to wipe away the anxiety he could feel permeating his skin. Alexa gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before sitting back. Lance started driving. Keith tried to take a normal breath. 

When they got to campus, Alexa got out of the car and leaned down to talk to them before shutting the door. “I'll keep an ear out for any news from his friends. Let me know if you guys hear anything.” They nodded and then she turned her attention to Lance. “Nice hanging out with you. Maybe we can try again under less stressful circumstances.” She turned to Keith and winked. “He's a keeper.” 

Keith couldn't help but laugh. At the comment, at the way his own face heated up, at the way it sparked butterflies in his stomach, at the way it made things normal for a split second. 

“Bye, Alexa.” 

She waved and shut the door, heading for her own car.

“ _ Principe _ , why don't we get you some food before you get your bike? At least to go.” 

Keith shook his head. “Not hungry.” His stomach tightened in retaliation. “I have to feed Kosmo too, I should just get home.” He leaned forward to kiss Lance softly. Then he turned away to open the door, only to hear the lock click in place. A wave of panic swept over him for a split second before he remembered he was with  _ Lance.  _ Lance wouldn’t do anything to him. He turned to face those striking blue eyes with an annoyed scowl. “Lance, what the hell?” 

“Keith.” He arched an eyebrow in response and Lance tilted his head. Lance took a breath and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Lance,  _ what?”  _ Keith asked, getting more agitated by the second. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just- I’ve got a bunch of questions and I don’t know which one to ask first.” He let out a huff and then looked at Keith. “Part of me feels like if I let you go, you’re going to end up heading over to Roland’s place anyway. Am I right?” Keith stared at him wordlessly. “We said we’d be honest, Keith.” 

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I… I want to, but I don’t know if I should. Or I guess, I feel like I shouldn’t want to so I won’t, but I do want to so I might. Does that make sense?” 

Lance stared at the horn of his steering wheel. It was so rare that Lance had a solemn expression like the one he had now, that Keith couldn’t help but think of some carefully chiseled statue of mourning seeing him sitting there quietly. The sharp jawline, the long slanted down lashes the way the lowering sun accented the blue of his eyes, the smooth curve on the bridge of his nose and the high cheekbones that caught the shadows just right. He was so beautiful, it left Keith breathless when he stopped to really notice. 

“I’m gonna ask you something, and I want… I need you to be totally honest. Don’t spare my feelings, just, total honesty-”

“Lance, what the fuck?” Keith asked, short of breath as panic squeezed his chest. 

“Do you still like him?” 

It took a couple seconds for the question to fully register partially because Keith couldn’t connect the emotion of liking someone to anyone who wasn’t Lance, and partially because trying to associate Roland to the question felt bizarre. 

“No,” he answered resolutely. He narrowed his eyebrows when Lance looked at him dubiously. “Lance, I don’t like him anymore. I haven’t in a long time, okay?”

“Then why are you so jittery?” he snapped. “You don’t want to admit how freaked out you are, it’s like you’re hiding something, I just-” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel before letting it go and letting his hands drop in his lap. “Are you scared of me or something?” 

“What? No. No, Lance, not at all.” He hesitated for a second before reaching for his hand. He held it between both of his own tightly. “I’m scared of making you upset. Getting upset leads to fights and I don’t like fighting with you. I feel like I shouldn’t be so freaked out about this whole thing, and I… I’m scared that my being worried will make you mad or make you think I still like him like you just said you thought. And if I make you angry too often then….” He shrugged. 

A gentle hand tilted his face back up. “Keith… you shouldn’t be afraid of making me mad. I mean yeah, I’m a little uncomfortable with how Alexa brought it up or realizing that you know where he lives because you guys had a past, but…. Keith the guy is  _ missing.  _ You’d be heartless not to care. And I get that.” Lance stroked his cheeks with gentle fingertips. “So if you want to go to his house and check off all our bases, tell me that. We can go together, or you can tell me you want to go alone.”

For a moment, Keith couldn't breathe. This was unreal. Lance was unreal. Except he was right in front him. Right there with his worried eyes, the discomfort in the furrow between his eyebrows but honesty and affection in his eyes. 

No one had ever looked at Keith that way before. 

He swallowed and nodded. “Okay. Yeah. Let's go to be sure he's not there.” 

Lance nodded and pulled Keith's hands to his lips. “Okay. Just tell me where to go.” Lance shifted gears to start driving, keeping one hand in Keith's as he started guiding him. 

When they reached the house, Keith felt a wave of bittersweet nostalgia course through him. He remembered sneaking around the side of the house or stopping by two houses short to pick Roland up with his motorcycle. It was such a different time but at the same time it didn't feel so long ago. 

“Come on,” Keith murmured. They got out of the car and started for the front door.

“Is this his parents’ house?” 

Keith nodded. “Easier to live here. I'm campus housing is too expensive and he said it was closer to the school than other off campus housing.” Lance nodded and followed behind Keith as they went up to the door. Keith knocked a few times before stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

The door opened slightly, and a little boy peaked between the crack. “Can I help you?” he asked, sounding like he was getting over a cold. 

Keith smiled at the kid. He couldn't remember his name, but he knew he was Roland’s little brother. He'd met him once but only briefly when he tried following Roland one day that Keith came to pick him up, and Roland had to give him five bucks to go back and ten bucks not to say anything about the guy on the motorcycle. “Hey. Is your brother here?” 

The boy frowned and opened the door a little wider, looking back and forth between Keith and Lance. “Rolo?” 

Keith nodded, but then the boy jumped as another voice came from somewhere in the house. “Benny, why are you at the door?” The door opened wider as Benny was pulled back from view, replaced by a tall man with a striking resemblance to Roland only older with shorter, darker hair. His eyes fixed on Keith. “Who are you?” 

“Oh, I’m Keith. I’m friends with Roland, and I was-”

“Keith?” The way he repeated the name made Keith’s tense. There was venom seeping into his voice, and Keith could see the change in his face. “ _ You.  _ You’ve got some nerve coming here.” Before he could back up, the man had him by the front of his shirt. 

Keith pulled Lance behind him before he could interfere. “Get your hands off of him,” he growled. Keith took his hand, squeezing it lightly to calm him down. 

“I have nothing to say to you,” Roland’s father said. “Get the fuck off my property or I’ll grab my gun. I have every right-”

“Then let me go so I can leave,” Keith answered, his voice low and steady. The man gave him one more once over, face coated in disgust before shoving Keith back. Thankfully, Lance was right behind him to stable him. “Come on,” he said, tugging Lance along with him.

They hurried back to the car wordlessly. Lance drove off, with Roland’s father staring after them until they were out of sight. As soon as Lance got to the second stop sign, he parked the car on the curb and turned to Keith, his hands cupping his face. 

“Are you okay?”

Keith scoffed and nodded. “I’m fine, pretty boy. It’s okay. Good thing you came with me, huh?” he joked. But Lance didn’t even smile.

“How did he know you? Why did he-?”

“I don’t know,” Keith interrupted. “I’ve never met him. Let’s just….” He sighed, and pulled Lance’s hands away from his face. “I should get home to Kosmo. You’re welcome to come over.”

Lance nodded, still solemn. “We’re also getting you food. I’m starving, so I know you are too.” Keith nearly protested again, but his stomach growled and shut him up. 

They got back to campus so Keith could get his motorcycle. Lance offered to pick up the food and meet him at his house. He kept checking his phone, anticipating a call. It hadn’t even been an hour since they stopped at the hotel. As soon as Keith was inside, he opened the sliding door to the backyard and called for Kosmo. 

The puppy ran at him, immediately jumping at his legs and yipping. “Kosmo, you have a bad legs, don’t do that,” Keith chided with a smile as he picked him up. “You hungry?” Kosmo started licking at his face and Keith felt a little of the pressure and worries of the day ease up. There was something so comforting about Kosmo and how carefree he seemed. “Yeah, I missed you too, buddy.” 

About ten minutes later, after Kosmo had scarfed down his food, there was a knock on the door. Kosmo started barking at the door, his tail wagging rapidly. Keith had to pick him up to keep him from zipping out the door when he opened the door. The smell of the food in Lance’s hands hit Keith immediately, and his mouth started watering. 

Keith expected a kiss on the cheek like Lance always gave him when he greeted him. Instead, Lance started petting Kosmo. “Hey buddy! Did you miss me? Somehow you’re cuter than when I left this morning.” Lance looked back at Keith. “Any news by the way?” 

Keith shook his head. “No calls. No texts. And you didn’t give me a kiss.” 

“Wh- Oh!” Lance leaned into him as he shut the door with his foot, but Keith turned away, smirking.

“Nah, I don’t want it anymore.” 

“ _ Keith!”  _ Keith laughed at the pleading tone of his voice. “I brought you food,” he added in a sing-song. 

He bit his lip, looking at Lance’s cocky little smirk. With a roll of his eyes, Keith shrugged. “Okay, okay.” Lance grinned wider and pulled him into a kiss, and whether it was dizzying because it was Lance or because he was hungry, Keith wasn’t sure. But it was wonderful. 

Lance nipped at his lower lip playfully before pulling away. He lifted the Taco Cabana bag. “Come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold. Where’s Shiro? I brought him a plate too.” 

_ Cute, cute, cute.  _ “He doesn’t get home for about another hour. I’ll put it in the microwave for him.”

The way Lance ate was almost amusing. He ate much faster than Keith, even if he was talking. But Keith noticed he ate in sections. He scoop up a spoon of rice, then a spoon of beans, take two bites from his tacos, and repeat the process. After about four of those, he’d reach for his drink. Keith wondered if he even noticed it. 

“What?” Lance asked when he was close to finishing, and Keith was still halfway. 

Keith shrugged and smiled. “Nothing.” Lance narrowed his eyes. “You only have one dimple. And sometimes it’ll show while you talk. Because you kind of smile while you talk. It’s cute.” Lance’s expression changed, not quite sad, but the smile was gone. “What? What’d I say?” 

The corner of Lance’s mouth quirked up. “Nothing, babe. I just always get thrown for a loop when you mention my dimple.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?” 

“I don’t-” He cut himself off and shook his head, smiling. “It’s hard to explain. But I think it’s cute that you pay that much attention.” Keith blushed and lowered his gaze to his food, a small smiling tugging at his lips. 

Lance got up to throw his trash away stopping to press a kiss on the crown of Keith’s head. Blushing further, Keith curled into himself and poked at his food. 

Before Lance could sit down, Keith heard a buzzing sound. He looked over at Lance’s phone, lighting up with Pidge’s picture. “Lance, your phone.” He grabbed it and held it out for Lance as he returned to grab it and answer. 

“Hey, what’s up? Wait, what?” Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulder. “No yeah, we’ll be over in a bit. Tell him not to go anywhere.” He hung up and pulled out his keys. “Pidge and Hunk found Roland at the Starbucks by the library they study at.” 

“Is he okay?” Keith asked as he stood to follow. 

“Yeah, I think. Pidge just said he looks beat up, but you already said that. They’re with him right now. Come on, you can bring Kosmo.” 

Keith nodded and put the leash on Kosmo before following Lance back out to his car. He sent Shiro a text as Kosmo settled happily in the space at Keith’s feet and Lance started driving. 

_ Running errand w/ Kosmo & Lance. Food in microwave. _

He put his phone and tried to tell himself he should be calm now. They’d found Roland, and he was okay. He didn’t have to be so anxious anymore. The jittery feeling in his muscles refused to leave, though, and they only worsened the closer they got to Starbucks. 

Hunk noticed them through the window when they arrived. Lance pointed at Kosmo, and Hunk gestured with a nod of his head. Roland turned, wearing the clothes Keith had let him borrow. His entire body tensed at the sight of them, but he stood when Pidge and Hunk did to come outside. Kosmo started barking at them, his tail indecisive about whether he wanted to play with the strangers or defend against them. 

“Hey, who’s this little guy?” Pidge asked, falling to her knees and holding out her hand for Kosmo to sniff at. 

“Keith rescued him. His name is Kosmo,” Lance answered. Hunk knelt down to pet him as well. Roland was standing a few feet away. Lance offered a smile and a wave. “Hey, man.” Roland gave him a terse nod. 

“What are you doing at Starbucks?” Keith asked, figuring there was no point dancing around things. He’d been worried about him since he didn’t show up to the morning practice.

“Just wanted to be out of the hotel room,” he answered, tugging at his beanie. He was looking between Keith and Lance then Pidge and Hunk who were still playing with Kosmo. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Because I was worried!” Keith snapped. Lance grabbed his arm. He took a breath and rubbed his neck. “You didn’t show up and you haven’t been answering anyone. No one knew where you were, and the last I’d seen you, you were all beat up!” Roland’s good eye widened, flitting to Lance in a momentary panic. Keith scoffed. “He knows you stayed with me.” 

Roland’s face turned bright scarlet. “I don’t have my charger. And I can’t buy a new one because the hotel is taking up all my paycheck. I don’t want anymore questions about my face at school, and I don’t want to be showing up in the same two changes of clothes. I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal.” 

Lance chuckled softly. “You went off the radar completely. Could you really blame Keith for practically arranging a manhunt?” Roland furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Lance cleared his throat and turned to Keith. “Hey, we’re gonna go inside, okay? You should talk to him.” Lance squeezed his hand, and ushered his friend to stand and go inside. 

Keith looked at Roland, waiting for him to say something. But he didn’t. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” 

Roland looked down at Kosmo who was sniffing his shoe. “Maybe if you explain the dog.” 

Keith scoffed and moved over to one of the outside tables to sit. “I found him near a dumpster. He was hurt and he liked me so I took him home. I've only had him for two days.” Roland chuckled. “Your turn.” 

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “What do you want to know, man? If anything I have way more questions because nothing makes any sense.” Keith frowned, and Roland shook his head as he looked away toward a random parked car. “Why are you dragging your boyfriend around to look for me? After everything-”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Keith clarified. Roland rolled his eyes. “Look, I know we’re not friends. But you think I’d be okay with the idea of you showing up dead or something?” Roland looked back him, eyes wide in confusion. “You didn’t tell me who hurt you, and then we couldn’t find you, sue me for assuming the worst.” 

“Jesus.” 

Keith shook his head and stared at him. Roland wouldn’t meet his eyes. He seemed resolute in not saying anything. “Who hit you?” Keith asked. His jaw clenched, but he only gave a half-hearted shrug. “Was it your dad?” No reaction. “What did you tell him about me?” This time, his eyebrows knitted together, but he still wasn’t looking at Keith or talking to him. “He seemed to recognize me. My name at least.” 

“ _ What?”  _ Roland finally turned to him, shock clear in his eyes. “What do you mean? How did you- No. Tell me you didn’t go looking for me at my house, Keith.” 

“What was I supposed to do?” Roland stood up and turned away, his hand gripping his hair. Kosmo, startled by his sudden movement, barked at him. “Roland, why won’t you tell me what happened?” 

“Because there’s no point, Keith! Nothing’s going to change, it doesn’t matter!” Roland turned back to him, frustration clear in the tension of his body and anguish clear in his features. “It won’t change things at home, it won’t change things with me, it won’t change things with you.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Roland remained quiet as he slumped back down in his seat and covered his face with his hands. “Why do care so much?” he asked after a while, moving one hand to his forehead. “You shouldn't care.”

“I care because… I don't know. I can still remember all the good things you did too. Like the time you went to each Toys R Us in the city until you found the toy Benny wanted for his birthday. Or when you spent your last five bucks on a sub and then ended up giving it to a homeless lady under the freeway.” Roland clenched his jaw and kept his gaze on the table. It was true. Roland was kind, which was what made everything he did that much more painful and confusing for Keith. “Maybe you weren't a good person to me, but you are good, Rolo. And no one deserves to be treated the way you've been.” 

The nickname made his eyes finally meet Keith’s. He scoffed and shook his head. “Always looking for the best in people.” 

Keith winced at the comment. He hadn't been too good about that since Roland. He shifted, wrapping Kosmo’s leash around his hand to keep him closer. 

“What'd my dad say to you?” 

“That I had some nerve showing up. Then he threatened to shoot me.” Roland rolled his eyes. “Gotta love living in Texas.” 

“You shouldn't have gone there.” 

“He's the one who did this to you, isn't he?” 

He scoffed and tugged his beanie down. “Big surprise, huh? Kid gets beat up by his homophobic dad.” 

Although Keith had managed to gather the clues for this theory to be the truth, it didn’t change the shock he felt. He couldn’t imagine his foster dad hurting him or hurting Shiro for who they liked. Sure, it wasn’t ideal for them; they’d wanted their sons to take wives and have children, but…. The Shiroganes loved them. Accepted them. Supported them. And Roland was walking evidence of a horrifying alternative that Keith often forgot existed. 

“How did he even find out?” he whispered. 

Roland put his face in his hands. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.” There was a long, silent pause. Keith wondered if Roland would even say anything. Then he took a breath and crossed his arms, keeping his eyes on Kosmo who kept sniffing at cracks in the ground. “I left my laptop on in my room. I’d left just to run a quick errand for my mom after I got home, but it took longer than….” Another brief pause. “By the time I got back, he’d seen every message. I don’t even know why he was in my fucking room, he just-” Roland sniffed and looked up, trying to keep his emotions in check. “I didn’t even get a chance to say anything he just… went for it. He didn’t even care that Benny was by the stairs….” 

Keith reached forward to place his hand on his shoulder, hoping to be some form of reassurance, but Roland twisted away. Keith pulled his hand back. 

“Don’t. I don’t deserve your sympathy.” 

“Ro-”

“The messages were about you,” he spat out. “That’s how my dad knew who you were.” Keith stared at him, confused. Roland still wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I was… I was asking Alexa about the competition coming up, but the messages we had before were about you. I was… asking for help.” 

“Help?” 

Keith could see his face turning red before he continued. “This… before you started seeing what’s-his-face. I wanted to try to talk to you again, be friends. But I knew you hated me, and since you were paired with Alexa, I figured she was my best bet in figuring out how to approach you.” 

Suddenly, it made sense that Alexa knew so much about them. Sure, their sudden dislike for each other had been obvious, but Keith had been so careful not to let others know they were a thing. He’d been careful because Roland asked him to. He told her about it. 

“She said she could try to get you to talk to me, but didn’t make any promises, and that you guys were more dance partners than friends anyway.”

Keith scoffed and tried to reign in his frustration. “If you wanted to be friends, why did you say the things you said in the bathroom?” he muttered. 

“I was being selfish. I’d heard about you with some guy at the last party you threw and…. I knew if I said…. I’m sorry, Keith. It doesn’t make it right, I know that, but… I was hurt and I was so tired.” His voice cracked and Keith watched as he covered his mouth before taking another breath. “In my head, I thought we could be friends. And then we’d graduate and I’d get to leave home and… and I could try again. Do things right with you. But you… you moved on.” Roland scoffed and gestured vaguely. “And he’s fucking perfect. The way he treats you, the way he looks at you, and now he’s helping you find  _ me?”  _ Roland buried his face in his hands again, his entire body tense. Keith felt a knot constricting his throat. “I knew I’d have no chance, and it hurts…. It hurts to see someone giving you what I could have if I wasn’t so….” He sighed. “I wanted to hate you, Keith. I knew if I said… the all the wrong things you’d snap. But I just felt worse and then the look on your face…. I’m sorry, Keith, I’m so sorry for everything I ever said to you-”

“So you figured fucking with my head would help you in the long run?” Keith asked with a scowl. “That’s some fucked up, twisted logic, Roland.” 

“I know,” he answered in a small, broken voice.

Part of Keith wanted to scream at him. To tell him he had no right admitting he’d wanted to be with Keith this whole time. He wanted to tell him off for everything he’d said when he left and in the bathroom. He wanted to throw every horrible thought and sleepless night spent crying over him in his face. 

But he looked so small and broken sitting there. He was curled into himself, in stained clothes that weren’t going to be enough for the weather pretty soon, and he had no place to go back to. He was already in so much shit, and after what his father had done to him…. Keith didn’t want to add to that. 

“You could have told me from the start. You could have told me what your dad would do if he knew. Told me you wanted to wait instead of telling me I tricked you-”

“I know that, Keith,” Roland answered, finally looking at him. “It didn’t feel that easy. I know you. Look at you, you’re with someone new and you’ve had everyone looking for me. What would you have done if I’d told you the real reason I couldn’t be with you? Knowing you, you’d have asked me to move in with you and Shiro or maybe just said you were fine with hiding it from everyone, but I know you wouldn’t have been.” Roland laughed humorlessly. “I mean look at you now. This guy… he does everything you always wanted. You’re happier with him than you ever were with me.” Roland shrugged and looked away again. “I’m just too late.” 

It was quiet for a while again. Keith still absorbing the information, and Roland dealing with the emotional repercussions of his confession. After a while Roland asked, “Did you see Benny? Is he okay?” 

“Yeah. He opened the door. It just sounded like he had a cold.” 

Roland nodded, tears filling his eyes. “He’s been sick since last week. We were supposed to watch Laika movies all weekend.” He wiped at his eyes, wincing when he touched the swollen one. 

Keith couldn’t help but feel his heart break further for Roland. “You could file against your dad,” he offered. “You might get custody of your brother, you’re old enough.”

Roland shook his head. “He’s not a bad man, Keith. He’s done his best ever since my mom got sick. He’s never hurt us.” Keith looked at him dubiously. “I mean it. Not until now. I couldn’t put my mom through that. Or Benny.”

“He hates gay people so much that he’d change into a completely different person because of it?” Keith asked, with distaste in every word. That look in the man’s eyes when Keith stopped by the house and said his name was heartless. Keith couldn’t believe him to be a good man. 

“You don’t get it,” Roland said. “My dad was always the prime example of what a father should be. In every aspect. He’s  _ good,  _ it’s just….”

Keith took a deep breath. He didn’t want to claim he knew Roland’s father better than Roland, but he found it hard to believe the man who had threatened to pull out a gun could be a prime family man example. His opinion wasn’t what Roland needed right now, though. 

“Okay. So what are you gonna do now? You can’t stay at the hotel, and you can’t go home. I can’t keep sneaking you into my house.” 

Roland shrugged. “I don’t know. All my other family is out of the city, and I can’t drop out of school when I’m so close to finishing. And I don’t want to leave Benny or my mom behind, but I don’t know how….” That seemed to be his breaking point. He hunched over and broke down, shocking Keith, and even making Kosmo perk up in concern. “I feel like I lost them,” he cried. “I don’t know how to fix any of this, and I don’t know what to do, Keith.” 

Keith immediately moved from his chair to kneel in front of him. “Hey, this isn’t your fault. And you’re not on your own, okay?” Keith glance into the cafe, noticing Lance, Hunk, and Pidge looking at them worriedly from inside. “Can I get the others to come out here?” Roland shrugged, sniffing into his sleeve. Keith motioned for them to come back, and the three of them immediately stood up. 

“What happened?” Hunk asked. 

“We need to come up with some kind of plan. Roland’s got two changes of clothes, he can’t go home, and he can’t stay at a hotel without ending up broke. Have you even eaten today?” Roland stared at Keith mutely. “Oh God.” 

“Chick-fil-A is right here,” Lance offered. “Do you want something from there?” 

“No, it’s fine,” Roland said resolutely. 

“I’ll go with you, Lance,” Pidge said. “We’ll bring you a sandwich and what, a lemonade?” 

Roland seemed to hesitate, but eventually, he nodded. “Thanks….” 

“We’ll be right back.” Lance started walking with Pidge at his heels. 

Hunk pulled a chair over from the other table and sat down. “Hey, dude. If you need a place to stay, my place is available. I’m not in there much unless Pidge or Lance are over, so you won’t be in the way or anything. I’ve got an air mattress that’s pretty cozy. Hungover Lance and Pidge can vouch for it.” 

Roland let out a small laugh at that. “Are you sure?” Hunk nodded and Roland tugged at his beanie. “Thanks…. I… really appreciate it.” Hunk offered him a kind smile, but Roland was already looking down at the ground. “I’ll, uh, look for a place of my own to stay at. I’ll have to get another job to afford it, but at least until I graduate.”

Keith wished he could help more, but there was only so much he could do at the point they were at. A few silent moments later, Lance and Pidge came back with the food. Pidge handed over the bag and the drink, and Roland couldn’t even bother to pretend to hesitate. He thanked them again and immediately started stuffing his mouth with fries. 

Meanwhile, Lance offered Keith an ice cream cone which had Kosmo pawing at his leg for a taste. “What’d we miss?” Lance asked. 

“Roland can stay with me for a while,” Hunk answered. 

“Uh. I’ve got some clothes I don’t wear much if you need it,” Lance said awkwardly. “Since you can’t go home to get your own.” 

Keith noticed Roland try to keep his face passive, but the offer even made Keith cringe. His mouth was full of food, so the tension stretched out for a while until Pidge said, “My brother has some clothes too. He’s about your size.”

Roland chewed and cleared his throat. “Thanks. Both of you.” He looked down at the ground, sandy hair shielding his bruised face. “You should find someone else to pair with Erika. If you find someone now, they can learn in time for competition.” 

Keith frowned and sat back down. “Wait. You’re leaving the group?” 

Roland looked back at him, moving for more food. “I need another job, Keith. I can’t have two and get my school work done and put enough time into dancing. I don’t have a choice.”

Keith couldn’t say much to that. The whole thing was a difficult situation. The silence settled over them. Roland worked on finishing his food. Keith stared at his hands, still thinking about everything Roland had said and everything happening now. Hunk and Pidge distracted themselves with Kosmo to keep from dealing with the awkwardness of the air around them. Meanwhile, Lance was facing it head on.

He kept shifting from foot to foot, placing his hand on the back of Keith’s before letting it awkwardly slide off. His eyes kept flitting around. Part of Keith wanted to take his hand and try to calm him down. The other part felt like that would be insensitive to Roland after everything he’d just told Keith and everything he was going through. 

Once Roland was done with his food, Hunk said, “If you want we can stop by Matt’s place to get some clothes. That way I can get you settled at my place.” Roland nodded. “We’ll bring the car around.” 

Keith zoned out as Hunk and Pidge said bye to Lance, and he was only vaguely aware of a goodbye said to him. He managed a feeble wave before they left to the other end of the parking lot. 

“You wanna get going too?” Lance asked under his breath. Keith nodded as he stood, feeling heavier and heavier the more everything looped in his head. 

“Uh, Keith?” Keith and Lance turned to look at Roland. He looked embarrassed. “Uh. I just….” Roland’s eyes drifted over to Lance. 

For a moment, Lance looked between them. Then he said, “I’ll wait for you in the car.” 

Keith nodded, watching him go. The tension was clear in his shoulders, and Keith wished he could make it disappear. He turned back to Roland, fiddling with the leash in his hands. “What is it?” 

Roland stood up and took a long, deep breath. “Thank you. For looking for me. Worrying about me. If you hadn’t, I don’t think anyone else would’ve. I know… after everything… I don’t deserve all this help you and your friends are giving me but-”

“Hey, no worries. It’s cool. Really. Just don't disappear again, alright?” 

Roland scoffed at that and shook his head. Then, before Keith could react, Roland had his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Kosmo started yipping at their legs. 

His hold was tight. His hands grasped onto the fabric of Keith’s jacket. His head fit neatly in the crook of Keith's neck, like it always had. And maybe Roland needed the hug.

But it was becoming too much for Keith. He knew in his gut that the hug had more layers to it for Roland. It didn't feel right. Not anymore. Keith had his answers now which was ironic because he didn't need them or want them anymore. He only hoped that maybe Roland could do things right for someone else. Or at least for himself. 

He pulled away from him gently and gestured with a tilt of his head. “Hunk’s pulling up. Expect a lot of messages when you charge your phone up.” He stepped back and smiled, however forced. “Bye, Roland. See you at school.” 

Roland nodded and waved feebly before heading to the car that was idle along the curb. Keith bent over to pick Kosmo up and rushed to get to the warmth of the car. That ice cream cone had only made him colder. 

As soon as he got inside, the unease was palpable. 

The car was started. The radio was on low volume. Lance wasn’t moving. He just stared out the window, like he was looking in his rearview mirror. 

“Can you say something?” Keith asked through a sigh. 

Lance looked over at him, and Keith realized just how much he hated not seeing that dimple on his right cheek. He hated the way his eyes seemed to dim when there was something wrong. Lance managed an empty smile. “So that’s the guy that broke your heart.” 

“I’m over it,” Keith insisted, knowing that his tone was verging on defensive. “Lance, I meant it when I said I don’t like him anymore.” 

“I know, I know. I believe you,” Lance answered, leaning forward to rest his head on the steering wheel. “I just…. The whole thing is fucking with my head. Now he’s staying with Hunk, and I kind of want to know what you talked about, but I don’t want to be  _ that  _ guy, y’know?” 

Keith smiled and reached over to run his hands through his hair before resting his hand on the nape of Lance’s neck. “Look at me, pretty boy.” Lance turned his head, and Keith urged him away from the steering wheel. He placed his other hand on his cheek and pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “He didn’t say anything that changes what’s happening between us.” He pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this.” Lance shook his head, ready to say something, but Keith stopped him by pressing a kiss against his lips. 

He wanted to reassure Lance, wanted to make sure he knew how much Keith liked him. He wanted Lance to know how happy he was with him. Even though he couldn’t figure out a way to voice it, he could show it. 

When he pulled away, he could feel Lance’s warm, uneven breaths against his lips. He skimmed the features of his face with a level of adoration he hadn’t felt in a long time. For the long lashes that fanned out considerably with his eyes shut. For the little freckle just beside his nose, barely noticeable from far away. For the way he bit his lip. And when he opened his eyes, for the pretty blue they were as they looked at him in that way that reduced Keith to a puddle. 

“God if you knew the effect you had on me, Keith,” Lance murmured softly, nudging his nose against Keith’s.

The words left Keith’s cheeks burning, and he chuckled into the crook of Lance’s neck to hide his face. He felt Lance’s fingers brushing through his hair gently, soothingly. “What do you say we go back to your apartment and watch Shrek on Netflix?” 

Lance gasped and pulled back, his whole face lighting up. “Really?” Keith nodded, laughing at his enthusiasm. “You remembered how much I like those movies?” 

Keith scoffed at that. “Babe, you know most of the script to the second movie.” Lance rolled his eyes. “Besides, I think we could both use a destressor today, yeah?” 

“Yeah. That sounds perfect.” 

Keith smiled at him and waited for him to pull out of the parking lot before taking his hand over the glove compartment in the center. 

When they got to the apartment, Keith removed Kosmo’s leash to let him roam free. He sent Shiro a text to let him know he was at Lance’s, then he went to sit on the couch as Lance scrolled through Netflix. 

Once he got the movie to start playing, Keith spread his arms. A smile spread on Lance’s face as he took his spot nestled up against Keith’s side. He could feel Lance relax as his arms wrapped around him. 

Keith had never been a fan of Shrek. He’d watched the movies and he didn’t mind when they were on, but he didn’t care for them. At least not until now. Because now, he got to see the way they made Lance laugh and he could hear the soft whispers of Lance mumbling the lines he knew or singing along to the songs on the soundtrack. He enjoyed hearing Lance say something about a particular scene or line, especially the ones he thought were romantic. Keith would watch these movies forever if it meant watching Lance react to them. 

By the end, Lance was joining in on a rendition of  _ I’m a Believer  _ that had Keith laughing until his stomach hurt. 

“You’re adorable,” Keith teased. Lance rolled his eyes, but the blush in his cheeks gave him away. “Hey.” Lance hummed and let his eyes drift back to him. “Thanks for today. For being so patient and… understanding about everything. And I’m sorry if some stuff made you uncomfortable….” 

“It’s not your fault,” Lance answered, just as softly. His hand came up to Keith’s cheek, his thumb brushed gently along his cheekbone. Such a soft touch Keith didn’t know he could want so badly. “I was just scared of losing you.” 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Keith stared back at him. “Losing me?” 

He nodded and shrugged. “I was just… scared that maybe you still liked him. That by him talking to you again, you were realizing it. Seeing the way he looked at you or the way he hugged you made me think….” He shook his head and shifted to face Keith better. “Keith… I haven't felt like this about someone in a long time. You're a big deal for me, you know? Just like I know he was a big deal for you-” 

Keith put a finger to his lips to stop him. “You really don't realize it?” Lance frowned, his eyes flitting down to the finger at his lips. “ _ You  _ are a big deal for me, Lance. Everything about what we have has been different. I still don't fully know what to expect with you and I still panic sometimes thinking I'll do or say something that'll make you want to go away.” Lance sighed and took the hand at his mouth in his own. He turned Keith's palm toward him and kissed it softly. “What I had with Roland was a mess. What I have with you? It's been so much better and I'm not going to give it up.” 

A softness fell on his features. Keith leaned forward, kissing him hesitantly. It was hard for him. He didn’t like being so open. It had backfired before. It’d been used against him before. He gave his all to people, and often times it left him drained. Keith knew he was risking a lot by voicing what he felt to Lance. 

But that look in his eyes…. Keith needed it to disappear, needed Lance to see he was planning to stay. 

He nudged Lance back slowly until he was laying on the couch. As Lance fixed the awkward position of his legs, Keith settled over him, one hand caressing and holding Lance's face at the same time. 

There were so many things he wanted to say, he just didn't know how. There was so much he wanted to  _ express,  _ and he was at a loss for the right words. Part of Keith was afraid to even search for them, afraid of the vulnerability they would entail. He hoped that maybe instead he could just put it across with action.

That with every kiss Keith trailed down the side of his neck, Lance would know it was Keith's adoration. That with the way he intertwined their hands together, Lance would know it was Keith trusting him. That each impatient grind of his hips and nip of his teeth against the sensitive skin of Lance's throat was Keith's need for him. 

He hoped Lance realized how drastically different this was for Keith. Especially compared to the past year. 

Soft, warm breaths slipped past Lance's parted lips, quick and short. His free hand held Keith's side as he leaned his head to expose his neck further. 

Then suddenly there was a bark at his ear and the light scratch of a claw on his shoulder. It made them both start for a moment before dissolving into a fit of laughter. 

“What's up, buddy? You wanna give me affection too?” Lance asked. Kosmo barked and tried jumping onto the couch to no avail. He settled for pawing at them and Lance smirked up at Keith. “Apparently you've got competition, babe.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek before dipping toward his ear. “You know, he can't reach the bed.” 

Lance hummed, stifling a moan as Keith bit and tugged at his earlobe. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan,” he said quickly. He nudged Keith off of him him so he could get up. 

Keith couldn't help but laugh at Lance's enthusiasm. Their legs tangled and stumbled as they walked down the hallway until they got to Lance's room. Keith laid him down again and moved to lay over him. He kissed him slowly, playfully at first. With a few nips to his lower lip and chaste kisses between fits of laughter and soft smiles. 

He felt Lance's hand come up to the side of his neck. He felt as it slid to the back of his head, his long fingers sitting through his hair gently. Their kisses intensified. Their legs tangled together, like they couldn't get close enough to each other. 

Slowly, Keith made his way back to Lance’s neck, determined to cover him in the proof of his mouth. Whenever Lance looked in a mirror he’d remember. He’d remember how much Keith wanted him, how he lavished him in touches no one else could give him. Caught up in his thoughts, he hadn’t realized he’d started biting as he sucked against the skin until he heard a gasp from Lance. 

He might have stopped if not for the way Lance’s hips lifted to press against Keith’s and the way his hands slid down the sides of his body, fingers tousling the fabric of his shirt. Keith pulled back slightly, happy with the small galaxy he’d created on the side of his neck. 

He shifted until he was straddling Lance. “Sit up for me, pretty boy,” he murmured. Lance did and Keith let his hands trail down slowly to the hem of his shirt. He lifted it, tugging it over his head and discarding it beside them. 

“You too,” Lance whispered. His eyes were bright and wide. Keith smiled and kissed him lightly before reaching back to pull his own shirt off. Lance’s warm hands were on him as soon as his skin was exposed and Keith let out a long sigh. “Exquisite,” he said, so softly Keith almost didn’t hear. He felt warm lips on his collar bone, long hands pressed into his back. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance, his body heat spiking ridiculously fast. 

He spread his hands across Lance’s shoulder blades, then let himself roam the expanse of his back as Lance littered his collarbone with kisses and flicks of his tongue. 

“Lance,” Keith breathed, nuzzling into the wavy hair. Lance hummed. “Lay down.” 

“Uh-uh,” Lance protested, holding him tighter. His kisses made their way up his neck. 

Keith bit his lip as he chuckled. He tilted Lance’s head back with a light tug of his hair. “Why are you being stubborn?” He laid a hand on his chest, nudging him back gently. Once Lance was laying down again, Keith reached for his hand and pulled it up to his lips. “Let me take care of you, pretty boy.” 

“But I wanna touch you too, and-”

Keith covered his mouth and smiled. “Let me take care of you  _ first,  _ then.” Lance stared at him with wide eyes, and Keith noticed his body lose some of its tension. He relaxed into the bed. Keith brought Lance’s hand back to his lips, kissing each fingertip lightly before interlocking their hands. He shifted lower so he could lean down and begin marking his chest. 

He wanted to kiss every part of Lance. He didn’t want there to be a single spot where Lance wouldn’t see evidence of Keith’s touch, his affection. He held himself up with the hand he’d intertwined with Lance’s as the other glided along the side of his body lightly. He could hear Lance’s shaky breaths in response. He let his hand slide along his arm, around his shoulder, let his fingers trace over the ridge of his collarbone, and ghosted them over his chest.

His mouth moved lower to continue a path of fuschia love bites. Lance jutted his hips up slightly and Keith chuckled. “Easy, babe.” 

Shifting his weight to his legs, he slid both hands up along Lance’s chest as he decorated his torso. He felt the quick rise and fall from his breathing. His hands continued until they were tracing the curve of his throat and Lance moaned, wrapping one leg around Keith. 

He skimmed his lips lightly along his stomach. Goosebumps rose on the warm, brown skin. His name sounded like an incantation as it fell from Lance’s lips in a whisper. Keith pulled himself up, resting on the heels of his feet as he traced his fingers teasingly along the top of Lance’s jeans. His arousal was evident in his jeans. Keith couldn’t help but smile proudly at how easily he could get Lance to that point. Meanwhile Lance was completely focused on him, a different kind of darkness in the cerulean of his eyes. 

“Wanna raise your hips for me, baby?” Keith murmured. Lance complied, almost as if he were in a trance. Keith unbuttoned his jeans and worked on tugging them off. He laughed as Lance impatiently kicked them off, ducking when the movement risked hitting him on the head. “Lance!” 

“Clothes are stupid,” he muttered. Keith shook his head, chuckling at his expense. He traced his fingers up the length of Lance’s leg slowly until Lance started laughing and pulled his legs away. “That tickles.” 

Keith smiled and lifted his leg by his calf to press a kiss to his ankle. “What about that?” 

Lance smiled and raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. Keith trailed kisses up his leg playfully, watching that smile widen until it burst into a soft laugh. “Keith!” He used his leg to wrap around Keith and topple him forward. Keith caught himself with his hands on either side of Lance’s head. Lance murmured something in Spanish, something Keith didn’t understand. 

“What’s that mean?” 

“It means you drive me crazy,” he whispered. Keith blushed, but Lance was already pulling him into another kiss, wrapping his legs tighter around him. “Why are your jeans still on?” he grumbled. 

Keith laughed into the kiss and pressed his fingers into the purple bruises along the side of his neck. “Because you don't give me the chance to take them off.” Keith ran a hand along the length of his legs, gently unhooking them from around his hips. “Do me a favor, and stay still.” Lance hummed and caressed Keith's cheek. Keith grabbed his hand and slowly pulled it away from his face to press it into the pillow by his head. “Stay still, pretty boy.”

Lance sighed and shut his eyes, briefly interlocking their fingers before relaxing and stilling his body. Keith smiled to himself as he shifted to litter Lance's stomach with kisses again, softly, slowly. 

He waited for Lance's breaths to slow back down before starting to gently bite and suck to leave more marks. He soothed each one over with a lick of his tongue and it wasn't long before Lance was breathing heavily again. 

It was extremely satisfying to watch each new mark bloom across his skin, to feel the goosebumps and shivers that happened anywhere Keith’s fingers skimmed over. He could feel Lance’s muscles tensing, fighting the urge to move. Keith worked his boxers down just enough to reveal his hip bone. Lance groaned out a curse under his breath when Keith refused to lower his single item of clothing any more. 

Keith rubbed his thumbs in circles along the highest part of his hip, he ran his tongue slowly from just under his belly button down to the waistband of his boxers. He started kissing the newly exposed skin, a hand rubbing lightly along the tent in his boxers. He could hear Lance’s breaths get more erratic, but when he glanced up, Lance had a hand clamped over his mouth. 

“Lance,” Keith said with an underlying reprimand in his voice. He lifted his head to look down at Keith. Keith tightened his grip on Lance’s hips. “Put your hand back where I put it.” He did so hesitantly, and Keith smiled then rewarded him by increasing the speed of his hand. 

It made Lance’s head fall back onto the pillow. Keith moved lower to place kisses along the inside of his thigh as he spread them apart so he had room between his legs. “Keith, you’re killing me,” Lance said with a tight voice. 

Keith didn’t respond to that, but he trailed his fingertips along the inside of his thigh as he sat up, his other hand pushing up the leg of Lance’s boxers. “So soft,” he murmured. Lance’s leg twitched as Keith’s fingers went higher. “And sensitive.” 

“This is payback isn’t it?” Lance breathed heavily. “Because I took so long rimming you last time.” 

That made Keith laugh. “No, baby. Not payback.” He let his eyes drift to Lance’s face, and he watched how his eyebrows knit together, his teeth dug into his lower lip. His eyelids fluttered, and his hands clenched and unclenched around nothing. A small smile tugged at Keith’s lips as he observed him. He moved to straddle Lance, then reached over to take his hands and pull him up. 

Lance opened his eyes and watched him carefully. He leaned in to kiss him, affection making his heart swell as Lance’s hands immediately took to caressing the sides of his face. Lance’s tongue dizzied Keith, and without meaning to, he grinded his hips down, sending shivers through both their bodies. 

Once he started, he didn’t stop. He couldn’t if he wanted to, because Lance was rolling his hips up to meet him. Before he knew it, he had his arms around Lance, holding onto him like he was a lifeline. Lance’s fingers were digging into his thighs so hard, it hurt. His mouth was at his neck, one hand tugging at the roots of his hair and the other pushing into the small of his back to control the movements of Keith’s hips. 

Lance was letting out these little hums, grunting against Keith’s skin between breaths. Meanwhile, Keith’s breath were becoming faster and louder, despite breathing through his nose. He pressed his mouth against Lance’s shoulder to stifle any possible sounds, his body trembling from exertion as well as the fact that each grind brought him closer to that wonderful high. 

He started to pull away because he didn’t want to finish yet. He wanted to build Lance up until he got so desperate, he lost control and managed to fuck Keith until they were both boneless and lightheaded. He wanted to soothe every worry, fear, and tension by making him forget about them all. He wanted Lance to be unable to focus on anything that wasn’t Keith and his kisses and his touches. 

But Lance wasn’t letting him move away. “No, don’t go anywhere,” he huffed. 

“‘M not,” Keith groaned. “Just too close. I don’t wanna come yet.” 

“It’s okay.” Lance guided his head back slightly with a gentle tug of his hair. Keith looked at him through half-lidded eyes. Lance was still rocking his hips and the tug on his hair was just a small taste of something that Keith knew would make him lose it completely. “I wanna see it happen.”

“But I wanna-” Keith gasped as Lance pulled his hips down at the same time he rocked up. “Lance,” he breathed.

The hand in his hair let go, favoring his hips instead. Both hands led him, increasing the speed along with Lance’s own movements. Keith could tell Lance was getting close too- he could hear it in the way his grunts became a little louder, the way he started adding in curses and murmurs of his name. 

“Keep going, keep going, keep going,” Lance said, as Keith surrendered to Lance’s encouragements. He was too close to an orgasm to deny it to himself. 

Keith buried his face into Lance's neck, his mouth open against his warm skin as he gasped for breath. His hands curled into fists at Lance's back. He knew Lance didn't like it, but he bit back the choked whimpers that tried to build in his throat. 

He felt Lance's hand pull the band of his boxers down and practically growled when Lance wrapped his hand around him. He'd stopped rolling his hips up to meet Keith's, but he kept leading Keith's movement with the hard press of his fingers. It wasn't like Keith needed it though; he was rocking into Lance's hand and panting against his neck almost like he was on autopilot. 

The hand at his hip pulled away to gently turn Keith's head until they were face to face. Lance's thumb traced along his lower lip as he smiled at him. Keith let his jaw fall open until he could take Lance's thumb into his mouth, and he bit down on it. 

“Let me hear you.” 

Keith chuckled 

“Let me hear you,” Lance whispered, his breath warm against Keith’s lips. 

It made Keith chuckle to hear him say that. He only responded by biting onto his thumb a little harder and licking him gently as an apology. 

Lance hummed. Then he took his hand away and snapped Keith’s boxers back in place. Keith huffed indignantly, gasping at the feeling of the elastic hitting his skin and the fabric covering him back up. “What are you doing?” Keith asked, grinding into nothing at that point. 

Lance traced his finger up Keith’s torso, up his chest, and along his collarbone. The thumb in his mouth was replaced by two fingers which pressed down gently to coax his mouth open. “Now who’s being stubborn?” he chided softly. “You I like hearing you.” Keith grunted in annoyance, but it only made Lance smile more. “You were so close.” His voice had become so low, Keith strained to hear it over his heartbeat. “So close, and I want to see that beautiful face you make.” A shiver ran after the trace of Lance’s fingertips as they followed the path of his spine. “But if I can’t hear you, then maybe I should just make it harder for you.” 

Keith’s eyes flew open. “What?” 

Lance bit his lip as he gave Keith that cocky smirk he’d had painted on his face from the moment he’d met him. That smirk could get him anything he wanted, and the killer part was that he was certain Lance had no fucking idea. Whether it was a shy smirk or a downright devilish one, it was effective. Keith already felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment over the prospective sounds he would make. 

“How about you be a good boy for  _ me _ this time?” 

Keith gulped, staring at him dumbly. Lance only leaned in to swipe his tongue up Keith’s lower lip, teasing his open mouth with it. Keith let out a shaky breath which prodded Lance to skim his teeth along his lip. His fingers pushed down in his mouth a little more, and Keith knew he was close to drooling. 

“Fuck,” he groaned in surrender, knowing he was about to give Lance what he wanted. Lance responded by using his hand to steady Keith as he grinded against him, but only once. Keith realized what his game was; for every sound, he’d get rewarded with a touch. Lance got what he wanted, and Keith would get what he wanted. 

He tested the theory with a moan, and Lance immediately latched onto his neck, placing chaste kisses along his throat. Keith let out a louder moan, and the lips at his neck parted to allow Lance to nip at his skin. Partially out of spite, and partially out of curiosity, Keith let out a high pitched whine that was louder than any sound he'd previously made in his life. 

It made Lance freeze. And then suddenly, he was laughing. He was laughing so hard, he had to stifle himself by burying his face into Keith's shoulder. 

“Oh is that not what you wanted?” Keith asked sarcastically.

Undeterred, Lance kept laughing though it was softer. His hands cupped Keith's face and he shook his head. “ _ Principe,  _ I'm not asking you to let me hear you just because I get off on it. I don't expect you to sound like a porn star. I'd actually be worried if you did, because then I'd know damn well you were faking.” Keith rolled his eyes. But Lance's gentle hands soothed his frustration, his embarrassment. “Do you know why I wanna hear the sounds you hold back?” 

Keith sighed. “Because you like knowing you make me feel good.” 

The smile on Lance's face softened. “Not just that,” he murmured. Keith arched an eyebrow. “You said you don't like to make noise because it's embarrassing. But when you're with me…. I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back. I don't want you to feel embarrassed with me. I want you to feel comfortable.” Lance brushed his lips against Keith's just barely. 

Keith let his eyes shut, tilting toward Lance. Their lips chased after each other's, but never fell into a proper kiss. “It's just hard to do. I'm used to being quiet.” 

“I know, baby. I know it's hard to just break a habit.” Lance's hands slid into his hair. “Just know I'm not trying to tease you or frustrate you. I'm just trying to remind you that you're safe with me.” 

Keith let his eyes meet Lance's. For the millionth time since meeting him, he tried to detect some sort of hesitancy in his words, some telltale sign in his eyes that would betray an ounce of doubt. And for the millionth time he failed to find it. Lance meant everything he said. 

And Keith had no idea what to do about that. 

He let himself smile back at Lance a bit sheepishly. “I'm supposed to be reassuring you. Not the other way around.” 

Lance chuckled and finally kissed him firmly on the mouth. “I think we do a good job about reassuring each other.” Keith hummed, smiling a little wider as Lance leaned in for another kiss. The hands in his hair tightened slightly, making Keith's eyes shut. “Now, should we finish what we started?” 

“We're nowhere close to finished,” Keith answered with a gasp. 

As Lance rubbed him through his boxers and sucked hickeys against his throat, Keith tried to get lost in the sensations. He did feel comfortable with Lance, and he wanted him to know that. His breaths turned shallow as Lance's hands moved to his ass, pushing into the flesh to rock Keith's hips against him. He could feel Lance's moans reverberating in the places where he kissed him. 

Keith tried to move faster, feeling his breaths hitch with each press against each other. 

“Hah… La-ah! Fuck. Close,” he groaned. He heard his own breaths getting louder the closer he got to his release. Being completely wrapped up in Lance helped. With his voice whispering to Keith, enveloped in his warmth and his scent and his touches. 

He started scrambling for a better position, and Lance wrapped an arm around his torso. The other grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back. 

Keith's mouth fell open and an unreserved moan filled the room. “There you are,” Lance said. Keith could hear the cheeky smile in his voice. “Now just let go for me.” 

He was so close, so fucking close, and he could hear the way his moans and Lance's mingled together like a dirty song. The high hit him hard, causing his limbs to go weak as he leaned into Lance. The mess in his boxers made him wince. He tried to catch his breath as Lance trailed his hands along his body, massaging his thighs gently. 

“Shit,” Keith muttered breathlessly. “I didn't bring a change of clothes.” 

Lance laughed and kissed him over and over until Keith couldn't help but smile. “I'll lend you a change. In the meantime, should I take these off of you?” Keith smirked and nodded. 

Lance lifted him and tugged his boxers away. Keith pulled away to find the lube he knew Lance kept in the drawer of the bedside table. Meanwhile, Lance discarded his own boxers, his eyes following Keith’s body with a dark gaze. 

Keith returned, straddling him as he held the lube in one hand and let his knuckles trail Lance’s member. A shaky breath fell from his lips, and Keith swallowed it with a kiss before leaning in toward his ear. “How quickly can you get hard again if I make you come now?” he whispered. 

Lance sighed and Keith felt a slight roll of his hips in attempt for more friction. “Probably the same amount of time it would take me to stretch you.” 

Keith smirked and pressed the lube into Lance’s hand. “Perfect.” 

He didn’t waste any time in shuffling down to wrap his mouth around Lance’s cock. Lance cursed loudly above him, his hips jutting up in an automatic reaction. “Shit! Fuck, Keith- baby, a little warning next time.” 

Keith blinked up at him and swallowed around the weight in his mouth. He pressed his tongue along the side as he pulled off slowly. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked in a low voice. 

Lance stared at him. His Adam’s apple bobbe visibly, and Keith had to bite back a smirk before he wrapped his mouth around him again. Lance’s hand went into his hair, his finger ran through the thick locks over and over to help him keep them out of his face. “You make it hard to think.” 

_ Good.  _ Keith figured he shouldn’t be thinking about anything but him at that moment anyway. He started bobbing his head at a faster pace. He could feel the pulsing on his tongue. His saliva dribbled around Lance from the corners of his mouth. As Keith’s jaw got used to the stretch, he took more of Lance in, which resulted in his grip tightening in his hair. 

Keith gasped when a swipe of his tongue made Lance yank him by the roots until he was staring at Lance with his head pulled back, open mouth shining with spit and gasping for breath. Something shone in Lance’s eyes. 

“You like that, don’t you?” Keith kept his gaze steady on him, an eyebrow arched. Lance’s hold loosened. His hand massaged Keith’s scalp soothingly. Lance looked at him with a soft smile, his eyes dark with lust and want and something gentle reserved only for Keith and only for moments like these. 

Keith bit his lip, waiting, but not sure for what. When Lance didn’t do anything but smirk at him, Keith lowered his head back down and continued his motions. He felt the hand in his hair move to down his back, the fingers following the ridges of his spine until Lance couldn’t reach further. As Keith worked his mouth around him, he felt Lance’s nails scratch up his back. Little grunts came from Lance’s throat, encouraging Keith. 

He sucked his cheeks in, and Lance removed his hands in favor of holding himself steady with the help of the bed. A low curse fell from his lips and Keith wanted to hear more of it. He liked the way Lance’s voice would hitch when he was overwhelmed, or the way his jaw would tense when he was gasping Keith’s name. And he absolutely adored the look on his face when Keith brought him over the edge- that furrow of his eyebrows, the way his eyes took on a hazy look, the way his mouth would fall open for a few seconds before he bit down hard on his lower lip as he caught his breath. 

“Fuck, it’s not fair how good you are at that,” Lance groaned, before brushing the back of his fingers against the side of Keith's face. 

It still took Keith a little by surprise when Lance did stuff like that. All those gentle touches that made sex feel like a little more than a fuck. All those little moments that erased Keith's fear of being kicked out or left alone after everything was done. A brush of his fingers, a kiss to his forehead, the way their hands interlocked, or their noses bumped together playfully mid kiss…. 

All those things never failed to make Keith's brain short circuit for a while as he let it sink in again. Lance wasn't just another guy. This time wasn't the last time. He wouldn't be cold and alone afterward. He was safe. He was wanted in every way he ever wanted to be wanted. 

Keith took a deep breath through his nose before taking Lance deeper into his mouth. He bobbed his head quickly, trying to work his tongue and lips while still maintaining the pace. He heard Lance’s curses and moans get faster. 

He managed to glance up at him just in time. The tension of his legs had given away how close Lance was, and Keith looked at him at the very moment Lance came. Keith pulled away as leftover spurts hit his chin, watching as Lance’s cheeks flushed and his chest heaved. His eyes were still on Keith, fighting to focus. Keith watched as Lance took his bottom lip between his teeth with little grunts still making their way through. 

Keith didn’t say anything as he leaned in closer to him, legs on either side of Lance, and kissed him. Lance moaned softly as his hand tried to wipe away the mess on his chin. Keith only pulled away to continue kissing his neck. Lance fumbled around until he found his shirt at the edge of the bed and used it to wipe Keith’s face for him. 

“What a gentleman,” Keith said sarcastically. 

Lance chuckled and cupped his hands around his ass. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Keith couldn’t help but smile at the irony before he found Lance’s lips again. They laughed into each other’s mouths as Lance turned to lay him down and shifted over him all without breaking their kiss. It led to a lot of fumbling that otherwise might have aggravated or embarrassed Keith. But there with Lance, it just eased him further. 

When Keith was settled against the pillows, Lance looked down at him with a small smirk. Keith arched an eyebrow, but Lance didn’t say anything. He just traced a finger over the shape of Keith’s lips again and again. 

Then he took Keith’s hand and lifted it to his chest. Lance flattened Keith’s palm against him; he could feel Lance’s heart pounding quickly. “How do you do that to me just by looking at me?” Lance asked him. As if Keith had a reasonable answer. 

He could feel the blush in his cheeks and shook his head. “You just orgasmed. I think that’s the real reason behind this.” 

Lance shook his head stubbornly. “No. It’s you.” He said it so certainly, with that cute smile and that precious dimple in his cheek, that Keith had to believe him. Keith did that to Lance's heart; Keith made it speed up. That's how much Lance liked him. “Hey.” Keith blinked a few times to clear his head. “You okay?” 

He nodded and pressed his hand harder against Lance's chest, against the rhythmic palpitations. “Yeah. Just surreal to think about.” He slid his hand to the nape of Lance's neck. “Now shut up and kiss me.” 

Lance laughed at having his own words turned on him. He leaned in, not quite kissing him, but so tantalizingly close. His breaths intermingled with Keith's as Lance trailed his lips over his. His tongue teased into his mouth, occasionally clashing lazily with Keith's. And that debilitating smirk never dropped from his face. 

Without meaning to, a moan fell from Keith's lips as a plea for Lance to stop teasing him. Instead, he was met with a low hum and Lance's teeth grazing his lip. Lance tugged lightly as Keith let out a shaky breath. 

A hand pushed his legs apart and brought his knee up to his chest before it ran back down his thigh. Lance was a fast learner. It hadn't taken too many times for his confidence to build when it came to fingering him open, and that confidence drove Keith crazy. Because Lance loved to drag it all out. 

He liked making Keith restless, liked watching him squirm impatiently for more without ever giving in to his wishes. 

Except he didn't do that this time. This time he was working him open steadily, but he responded to everything Keith's body did and every sound he made. The feeling of his fingers was a tease in and of itself, fulfilling that need for stimulation but nowhere near what Lance could do.

There was an urgency to Lance's motions this time. An urgency that had Keith gasping for breath and letting out meaningless mumbles and curses. Lance kissed him in an almost feral way, swallowing each sound like they were the air he needed to breathe.

“La-Lance, oh God….” 

“You make my name sound so good,  _ principe.”  _ Lance started kissing his neck and Keith wrapped his hands around his arms, blunt nails digging into his skin. 

After a while longer, Keith pulled away and started turning around. “Okay, okay, okay, I'm good. I'm ready.” 

Lance stopped him with a hand on his torso. “Come on, babe. You know I like looking at you.” Keith rolled his eyes but laid on his back. “Be right back,” he promised with a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Lance shuffled off him to fumble in his drawer again. Keith watched the curve of his back as he moved, counted the scatter freckles that created constellations on his shoulder blades, and reached out to lightly touch the dimples at the small of his back. 

“You're beautiful,” he whispered. 

Lance looked back at him and gave him a shy smile. Keith liked how it looked on him. When Lance was embarrassed or shy, it made him seem a little more human. A little more realistic. And it made Keith feel special knowing he could get him to react that way. 

“I didn't think you could use the word beautiful for guys until you,” Lance whispered. He leaned over and kissed him softly, slowly.

“Want some help with that?” Keith asked once Lance had pulled away. Lance hummed and pressed the condom into his palm. Keith kept his eyes on Lance’s, getting lost in how magnificent they were. Like little pools of blue and a splash of teal at the very edge of the pupil. He knew it was there but could barely see it because of how thin the iris was. 

Then Lance's eyes fluttered shut as Keith slid the condom over him and spread more lube along the length. Keith shifted, folding himself until his legs were over Lance's shoulders, his knees nearly touching his chest. 

“Tell me when you're ready,” Lance murmured, taking a moment to push Keith's hair back. He bumped his nose against Keith's in a way that made Keith smile. 

“I'm good.” 

Lance nodded and Keith felt him begin to push in. He sighed softly, tilting his head back as Lance pushed in a little deeper. He pulled back out and repeated, slowly stretching him more and more with each roll of his hips. 

Keith dug his fingernails into Lance's back, gasping his name between soft curses. He clenched around him and Lance buried his face in his neck, groaning as he shuddered. 

It was such a small thing to do, the whole going slowly. And yet, it left Keith with a flurry of butterflies and weakened limbs. People he'd slept with before had always been eager. It had always been almost animalistic until Keith convinced himself he liked it that way. He liked guys being so desperate for him, they couldn't properly take his clothes off or be patient in their movements. Keith told himself he was just so good at sex, they couldn't think about anything but the pleasure. Even Roland had been rushed in their time together, eager to be with Keith but too afraid to stop and learn how to take his time. But Keith always made excuses for Roland. 

Excuses for all of them that didn't make sense now. Because Lance was so slow, so careful. He'd been so adamant about learning the right way, about not hurting Keith. But his desperation was there. It was there in the way he trembled from holding himself back, in the press of his lips against any part of Keith he could kiss, in the heavy breaths and grunts he made in Keith's ear. 

It had angered Keith at first. He thought Lance was teasing him, drawing him out because he was cocky about his skills in bed. Now, he didn't think he could go back to those desperate fucks that hurt so much at first, that had him stumbling over jeans that hadn't even made it past his knees. 

He wished he could tell Lance all of it. He wished he could be as good with words as Lance was and be able to tell him how much he appreciated every little thing about him that was different. If he could, then maybe Lance would see why no amount of apologies and change of hearts from any previous relationship would take Keith away from him. 

Keith wasn't good at finding a gray area in the aspects of life. Shiro told him all the time, and Keith had told Lance at one point. He'd felt comfortable in the state he was in, with one night stands every weekend and keeping anyone who wasn't his family at arm's length. Even Lance charmed his way into his life, Keith had every intention of indulging it for a few weeks as he waited out the inevitable end. 

At some point, that changed. At some point Keith had gone from being totally adamant about letting Lance go when he wanted to leave to wanting to keep him, wanting to make Lance want to stay. He was totally and completely infatuated with Lance and the cute way he ate and the magic of his words and cheesy lines he said to make Keith laugh and the slow deliberate way he touched him. 

He moved Lance's head away from his shoulder, cupping his face. Lance was gradually building up speed, each thrust leaving Keith a little more breathless. “Lance?” 

“Yeah?” He slowed his movements, and ran his fingers through his hair. “What is it?” 

Keith traced his finger over Lance's lips, feeling the warmth breaths ghost over them. “I won't go anywhere if you don't either.” 

Blue eyes scanned his face for a moment before a gentle smile spread on his face, dimple and all. “I already told you I wouldn't.” 

Keith nodded. “Good.” 

Lance chuckled and leaned down to kiss him so hard, Keith felt lightheaded. Time was a distant concept as Lance built him up higher and higher, every movement so gradual and gentle that Keith felt like he was going crazy. His hands touched wherever he could, and every kiss made his heart pound harder. 

They breathless, shaking, and sweaty. The room was significantly quiet in light of their sounds just moments earlier- the bed frame, the sound of their bodies, their voices hitching on the other’s name between moans. Now it was just their panting breaths and pounding hearts. Lance was resting his head on Keith’s shoulder as Keith’s hand coursed through his hair. 

“You okay?” Lance whispered. Keith hummed in affirmation. “Lemme catch my breath and I’ll help you clean up.” Keith hummed again, sleepily as he rubbed up and down Lance’s arm which was draped over his torso. Lance chuckled and tilted his head up toward him. “D’you forget how to talk,  _ principe?”  _

Keith shook his head. “No. Just sleepy. And warm.” Lance laughed softly and hugged him tighter.

There was a lot Keith still didn’t know about Lance and their dynamic, but one thing he did know was that no one had ever made him feel as content, safe, and comfortable as Lance did. 


	9. Part 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read all comments and greatly appreciate them and have been doing better a lot out answering them as soon as I see them ♡  
> Thank you all so so much for reading!

Holidays were always a little awkward. Keith was able to celebrate twice, but it still left him with a feeling of guilt when he spent the  _ real  _ holiday with his foster family. Still, his mom always looked excited when she saw him, even if it was the day after. 

She was out the door of her house the second Keith pulled up with his motorcycle. “Keith! I hope you’re hungry. I’ve got a small turkey in the oven and it’s almost ready.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets as Keith got off the motorcycle, like she was refraining from hugging him. 

“Yeah! For sure,” Keith answered with a smile. 

He stood in front of her until she gave in and wrapped her arms around him. Her hold was soft, like she didn’t want to hurt him. “I’ve missed you,” she said. “It’s been a while since you visited.” 

Keith sighed and tried his best to enjoy the hug. It was still so awkward with her, like they didn’t fully know each other. And maybe part of it was his fault for not trying to see her more often. “I know. I’m sorry,” he answered. He hugged her a little tighter in apology, and her arms tightened a little too. When she loosened her grip, Keith pulled away and shrugged. “It’s just been a little hectic at school. Senior year and all.” 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on.” She squeezed his arm then led the way back into the house. The creaking sound of the three wooden steps that led to the door sounded vaguely familiar from previous times he’d been there. The creak of the screen door and the hard scrape of the main door as it chipped a little more dirty white paint from the door frame it was badly hinged onto. 

Inside felt cozy. A small couch, a TV on a stand with a few movies and a cabinet with knick knacks. There were a few photos of Keith, mostly as a teen from the photos the Shiroganes shared with her. The smell of savory food filled the small space, and Keith sat down at the small round table where he could see into the kitchen. 

“What have you been up to?” Keith asked, wincing to himself. It sounded like meeting up with a distant cousin more than visiting his mom. 

“Mostly working and a few personal projects to pass the time,” she answered. She moved around the kitchen, taking out plates and dishes with small portions of food on them. Perfect for a two-person Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving. “Yesterday I worked on a song and I watched some movies on the TV.” 

Keith's holidays were never bad, even before the Shiroganes. Whether in the orphanage when he was small or with any of his foster parents, he always had food and someone to spend it with. Hearing the way Karina spent her holidays broke his heart and worsened his guilt. 

When Keith first met her, he demanded answers. Why she left, why she took so long to look for him, what she'd done in all those years knowing he was out there. And she had been as honest as she could be. Keith believed her when she said she'd been in danger. And with the way she shook when she talked about it, he never asked for specifics. She promised to be around more. She was- at least when Keith accepted it. 

His foster parents weren't too fond of her, not only because they worried she would hurt Keith, but because of the strain she had put on their relationship with him. But Keith knew he was all the family she had. He couldn't just let go of it. 

“Could I hear the song after dinner?” 

She smiled and nodded before putting down a plate in front of him. “Of course. But tell me about school? How have your classes been? When is your graduation? How's that dance team going for you?” 

The good thing about not seeing his biological mother for so long at a time was that when he saw her again, they always had a lot to talk about. The bad thing was Keith always held some reserves as to what he could tell her. For example… she didn't know he was gay. 

It never posed a problem before. When he was seeing someone regularly, he wasn't supposed to be, or he had to keep it secret. There was no point in telling her. Now, most of the stories he wanted to tell her about had Lance in them. Now, Lance wasn't a secret he needed to keep from the world. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked as they cleared the table together. She looked nervous. 

“Yeah. Yeah, why?” 

She hesitated before shaking her head. “Nothing. You just seem a little distracted. Did… did your foster parents want you back at a certain hour?” 

Keith looked at her. She was very obviously trying to keep herself focused on the dishes she was stacking in the sink. Trying to put her feelings away so Keith wouldn't worry. It was something he was familiar with doing from time to time. 

“No,” he finally answered. “They're spending today with Adam and Shiro, shopping some more.” She hummed and nodded. “Actually… I wanted to tell you something. Or rather about someone.” 

She turned away from the sink and raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Is this a special someone?” Keith felt himself blush and Karina looked at him with a knowing smile. “It is, isn't it?” She laughed softly, sounding relieved as she gestured him over to the couch. “Okay, okay, tell me about her, then. What's her name?” 

Keith sat on the other end of the couch facing her. He reminded himself that his motorcycle was just outside. That if she called him names or wanted to kick him out, he could leave without looking back. He reminded himself that they didn't have a good enough relationship anyway for it to count as a loss of he had to cut her off. 

“Lance. His name is Lance.” 

He watched the smile melt from her face. Her eyebrows went up and her mouth fell open into a small O. Then her smile returned and she leaned her head on her hand as she faced him. “Lance, huh? So what's so special about him?” 

Even though Keith had been preparing himself to cut ties with Karina a few moments ago, assuring himself that never seeing her again wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, he couldn't help but feel a dizzying flood of relief when she asked that. “You're okay with it?” 

She scoffed and ran a hand through her short hair. “Keith…. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was terrified. And the only thing getting me through that was the idea of holding you in my arms. And when I did…. When you were born, I loved you. I loved you with every fiber of being. I loved all eight pounds and two ounces of you.” 

Keith let out a soft breath. “You remember how much I weighed?” 

She nodded. “And the exact time you were born. Seven eleven pm.” She lifted a hand to reach towards Keith's before hesitating and placing her hand in her lap. “I lost you and it nearly drove me insane, Keith. But I loved you every day we were apart. And I thought of you every day. I did my best to get to a place where I could see you again without hurting you or putting you in danger. And now that I have you, I never plan on letting you go again. I'm your mom, even if I've done a really shitty job at it so far. And I love you so much. No matter what.” 

Keith took a deep breath and let it out shakily. Then he reached forward and took his mom's hand. “Thanks for not giving up on me. I won't give up on you either.” She squeezed his hand and smiled, trying to blink her tears away. 

Keith couldn't help but chuckle at how similar he was to his mom, even growing up away from her. 

“So, tell me. What is he like?” 

Keith bit his lip and smiled to himself. “He's… amazing. He's stubborn and compassionate and empathetic and…. He writes poetry and it's beautiful, especially the way he reads it. He's so thoughtful and not just with me. He's like that with everyone. You know, and it's such a relief to know that. To know that he's genuinely a good person, not just when it's convenient.”

He thought back to all the times Lance had proved that. The way he was careful to never put his arm around Keith's neck, the way he always made sure Hunk and Pidge were getting sleep, the way he'd been so understanding about Roland, and how he'd even brought food for Shiro when he visited. 

“He's honest and he's smart and…. I don't know. He doesn't hide me. He doesn't hurt me. He doesn't lie to me.” His mom frowned and tugged his arm slightly to get his attention. 

“Has… that happened before?” 

Keith gulped. “Yeah. Guys who just… aren't ready to be out or guys who told me one thing and did another. Assholes. It took me a long time to believe Lance wanted to stick around, but he has. And he's been so patient and understanding with me. He's shown me this whole new better side of what it's like to be with someone. I feel comfortable with him. I feel like I'm good enough.” Keith rubbed his face with his free hand, feeling like a schoolboy with a crush. “He makes me happy. God, and he has these gorgeous blue eyes that just…. I don't know why people came up with the phrase ‘drowning in blue eyes’ because that's a horrifying feeling.” Karina laughed. “When he looks at me, it's like I'm flying. Like I'm taking a breath of fresh air. And his smile, is just…. It's unfair how attractive he is when he smiles. He's got the light freckles and the one dimple and it's either this really dorky, big smile or this really flirty half smile and it just…. He has all these little habits that I don't think he even notices. Like how he eats in patterns. Or how he's always moving his leg, but when he's anxious, it's both. Or the way he quotes movies under his breath and taps his finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the song we're listening to. He'll start braiding my hair without realizing it or chew his nails when he's anxious.” 

“You're completely head over heels for him,” she teased, making Keith blush. “How long have you been dating?” 

This time, Keith hesitated. “We're not. It's not official or anything. He's taken me on a few dates and we hang out a lot. We just haven't put a name to it yet…. But I've known him since… late September?” Karina frowned at that, staring at him in disbelief. “It's just… I'm the first guy he's been with like this, and I… I don't want to rush him or anything. Dating can be a lot of pressure, and we don't need that. I don't need that.” 

“Uh-huh,” she said. Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “I mean if you say so.” 

“Wait. What? What's that supposed to mean?” 

She sighed and patted his hand. “I was your age once too, Keith. And my experience in the dating department wasn't great either. I understand not wanting a label or not wanting to rush things, but… at least acknowledge that they're your fears. Not his.” She lifted her hands in defense when Keith frowned. “I know, I know. I don't know you as well as… Shiro might, but…. I'm just saying the story sounds a little familiar. And with the way you talk about him, I don't blame you if you're scared to lose him.” 

Keith bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. Granted, his first thought  _ had  _ been the fact that Karina didn't know him, much less how he felt or what he thought. But considering how similar they acted, he thought it made sense they might think alike too. 

“Yeah, well…. Maybe you do know me better than you think,” he admitted softly. She looked shocked for a second before her smile was back. “Don't you have a song to show off?” he asked. 

She rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. She grabbed her ukelele and returned to sit on the couch.

That ukulele had a handprint of a newborn Keith on the back of it. She’d shown it to him when he first met her and told him she’d gotten the print on it before she had to leave him. That day, Keith painted his hand and placed another handprint beside the original. 

Karina sat back down and started strumming softly. Keith liked listening to her sing. She had a certain raspiness to her voice, and it paired well with the ukulele. When she sang, Keith would close his eyes and wonder what it might have been like to grow up with her. He imagined she would’ve sang to him before bed or when he had nightmares. 

The song was about looking forward to better days, and it resonated with Keith. Granted, he hadn’t felt like that in a while, but he knew what it felt like to want a new start. Again, he felt guilty for not reaching out more. But it wasn’t like she reached out to him very much either…. 

Everything was just confusing when it came to his relationship with his mother. No matter how many times he’d seen her and spent time with her since she found him when he was in high school, it always felt like they were starting from scratch. There was no foundation. 

“I’ve gotta fix some chords and tweak the lyrics, but it’s an early draft,” she said, her fingers randomly plucking the plastic strings. Her expression turned solemn so slowly Keith didn't realize it until she spoke again. “Keith, can I ask you something about what you said earlier?” 

Keith frowned and shrugged. “What part?” 

“You said you had a past with people who hurt you and lied to you.” Keith immediately tensed. He grimaced, and tried to shrug it off, hoping she would drop the topic. “What happened?” 

“It doesn’t really matter. It was a while back, and I’m over it.” She sighed, and it looked like she was going to say something else, but Keith snapped before she could. “Look, I really don’t think you have a right to ask me that, okay?” 

He regretted it the second it left his mouth, but his pride kept him from taking it back. Even when the look on her face made something cold spread in his chest. She clenched her jaw and retreated into herself a bit. Prickly heat crept up the back of his neck. 

“Well, if I’m honest, I think you’re wrong,” she answered. Keith had never heard her voice so cold before. Her voice was often soft and uncertain. “I’m your mother. And the very reason I wasn’t able to keep you is the same as why I have every right to ask that question.” She fixed him with a resolute stare. “You think I haven’t had my share of suffering? You think I don’t know that you’ve had yours?” Keith remained quiet, feeling like a reprimanded child. “I’m asking because I know the lasting effects people like that can have on your life. And I figured maybe I could be a mother to you for once. Because I’d understand and I could do something about it.” Her voice began to waver, and somehow that was worse than the frigid tone. 

Keith stared at her, unable to get his mouth to open and make sound. I’m sorry. Yes. No. Anything. His jaw wouldn’t unhinge, wouldn’t let him speak. Instead, his eyes flitted away and set on the pattern of the cotton pattern of the worn couch. He took a deep breath, hoping that it would help. While it didn’t help him speak, the shaky way he exhaled gave Karina enough to know that she hadn’t spoken to a wall.

Instead of sitting with her back against the arm rest, she shifted to rest on the couch correctly. She crossed her legs and let out a sigh. “When I was young, I felt like I had a lot to prove,” she said softly. Her voice was distant, but it wasn’t uncertain anymore. “As a girl, I thought I needed to be reckless and careless and angry to be taken seriously. I got into a lot of trouble.” Keith wondered how he could’ve inherited so much of his birth mother’s attitude and tendencies when he never had a chance to grow up with her. “And I met Isaac. He made me feel like I wanted to feel. Important. Powerful. Different.” 

“How old were you?” Keith asked, his words stumbled over each other and mumbled so softly he didn’t think she would hear. 

“Sixteen. I was impressionable and I thought I could rule the world at that age. He made that feeling more real. I didn’t realize until later why everyone was so afraid of him or why they respected me through him. I caught him selling drugs to these twelve year old kids behind our favorite pizza place.” Keith grimaced. “I freaked out. And he got mad and….” She shrugged. 

“He hit you, didn’t he?” Some fierce, protective instinct rose in him. The thought of his mother being young and hurt by some immoral asshole made him seethe with anger. 

Karina took a breath, her eyes staying on the floor. “Yep. I was to stay in my place- next to him, quiet and pretty. Turn a blind eye or he’d say it was my fault if I tried to narc on him.” She ran a hand through her short hair, tugging at the ends. “I used to have really long hair and he would wrap it in his fist to keep me still.” 

“Is that why you wear it short all the time now?” Since Keith met her, Karina had short hair, and she never let it grow to touch her shoulders. She nodded and ruffled her own hair. “How did you… get out of it?” 

This time she smiled, and it seemed to smooth every aspect of her face. Like whatever saved her rejuvenated her soul. “Your dad.” Keith felt the shock resonate through him. He’d never heard anything about him. And he’d never asked. “He was a friend from school. I wasn’t supposed to be his friend anymore, but… I’d already lost so much, I couldn’t bear to lose him too. My parents wouldn’t speak to me, partially because they were very busy people, and partially because they were tired of cops escorting me home every other night.” Keith scoffed, and she looked at him. “Told you I was trouble, kiddo.” 

Keith bit his lip and looked at her hopefully. “What was my dad’s name?” 

She glanced at Keith with a small smile. “His name was Nick. He planned for us to run away. We’d just disappear and start over.” She shook her head. “It was stupid-  _ we  _ were stupid... but I was willing to try anything to get away.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Well… smarter than me.” She raised an eyebrow, and Keith felt his tongue turn into lead again, but he was determined to talk. “I never knew I was in a bad relationship until much later. Shiro had to force me out of it, and I hated him for it. I thought… it was just normal or something.” 

“Shiro?” 

Keith nodded. “Shiro said he was a bad influence and I never listened. I missed school and got into trouble and….” He sighed and shook his head, not wanting all those memories flooding back into his brain. “I can’t even….” 

“Can’t say his name, can you?” Keith shook his head. Her hand reached for his again. “I know. It’s hard to get past, even when you think you’re past it. But… Lance. Lance treats you good?” 

Keith nodded. “He’s a good guy. Such a good guy, and sometimes, I don’t really know what he’s doing with me, but I also don’t wanna let him go.” Keith chuckled and rubbed his neck. “The other guy… he did this thing, where every time he wanted me to do something, he’d… put his arm around my shoulders and kind of maneuver me. And he’d guilt me into agreeing or something. I was on a date with Lance and he put his arm on my shoulders and it kind of brought it all back. I told him I didn’t like the feeling, and he’s been so careful about not doing it again. And if he does it on accident, he apologizes so much!” Keith laughed to himself and nervously tugged at his hair. “So yeah. He’s good. Shiro likes him.” 

“Ah, the Shiro approval. Best approval there is.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. 

“I think… I think you’d like him too,” Keith whispered. He looked at her for a second before looking away, feeling nervous. 

“I think I would,” she agreed. “Whenever you’re ready for that.” 

It was quiet for a moment. The anxiety of talking about his past and alluding to a future meeting with Lance and his birth mom mixed with the emotions that swirled in him from the new knowledge he had. It sounded like his mom had it much worse. And if the way she spoke said anything, Keith had an idea about what that danger she’d mentioned before was. But still….

“Um… Karina? What happened to my dad?” 

He risked looking back at her and there was no way to mistake the meaning behind the anguish in her eyes. “Like I said, running away was a stupid idea. It only angered Isaac and made him that much more determined to find me. And Nick. So your dad got me a bus ticket and promised he’d find us.” 

“But he didn’t.” 

She shook her head. “I didn’t want to spend my life running. I didn’t want to put you in danger. I didn’t want you to know what you’d been brought into, and I knew-” Tears began to slide down her face. Keith hadn’t seen her cry since the first day she met him. “I wanted to keep you. I would’ve done absolutely anything to keep you, Keith. I wanted to hear you say your first word and see you take your first steps and I wanted to change every single diaper and take you to Santa pictures at the mall and-”

Keith didn’t think twice before he scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her. She shook and hugged him back with a strength she’d never had in their hugs before. “I know, I know you did what you had to. I know,” Keith reassured. “It’s okay. It’s okay, we found each other.” 

She shook her head, but held onto him, running her hand through his hair over and over like she wanted to soothe him. Keith wanted to stop her tears, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. They had lost years. While his foster parents cared for him throughout the years, they always felt like strangers making him feel comfortable. They were all temporary homes. 

He never got all those childhood memories most people had with their parents. His mother didn’t tuck him into bed or stay with him when he had a fever or take a million pictures of him on the first day of school each year. She didn’t embarrass him with baby pictures to his friends or crushes. He didn’t get those experiences. And she didn’t get to see him crawl or send him off to his first day of preschool or… anything. 

“I’m sorry I made our holiday so depressing,” she muttered. 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “You kidding? I think this is one of the best hugs I’ve gotten in my life.” She chuckled weakly and held him a little tighter. “And I’m glad we talked about these things. You feel a little more real now.” 

She sniffed and pulled away, tilting his chin up. Her eyes mirrored his own in color, shape, and anguish. She smiled and caressed the side of his face gently. “Keith. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but you are worth  _ so much.  _ I'm sorry I wasn't around, but I promise I won't go away ever again.” 

There was a part of Keith that didn't fully believe that. He found it hard to after losing so many people. But he let himself hope it was true. He hugged her again, before pulling back to smile at her. 

He grabbed his phone, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “Do you think I could get a picture of you? I want to be able to show Lance what you look like when he asks what I did over break.” 

“Oh, I'm all messy, though,” she said, wiping her eyes. Her cheeks were pink. 

“We can take one together,” Keith offered. She looked a little surprised before nodding with a new smile. Keith sat closer and put his phone up for a selfie. 

It was the first photo he'd taken with his mom. 

He put the phone down and smiled at it. It felt awkward. That was usually the case when serious conversations happened. Keith felt that way when he came out to his foster parents, when Shiro sat him down and insisted he break up with his high school boyfriend, when he told his foster parents why he didn't want to be adopted. 

It wasn't bad, exactly. It was just…. What exactly did you talk about after spending so much time talking about something so serious? He was still letting all the information settle in him. He was still trying to sort out the confusing feeling of being closer to a half stranger. 

“You graduate soon, don’t you?” she asked, returning to that more reserved version who kept her hands interlocked in her lap.

“Yeah. In May. It feels like a long ways away, but….” He looked at her with a smile. “You can come if you want. And you won’t have to hide in the back like at my high school graduation.” 

She grimaced, her face flushing. “How did you know I was there?” 

“I saw you when we were filing out of there. But then you disappeared.” 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be upset that I was there. But I’d already missed so many milestones… I just-”

“I was happy you were there. And… I’ll do a better job about visiting you more. I promise. But yeah, I’d love for you to be at my graduation.” 

She smiled widely, so genuinely happy that Keith felt proud of himself for inviting her. “I’ll be there,” she promised. 

There was something about being vulnerable and sharing a painful piece of past with each other that held the magic of bringing people together a little more. That's what Keith felt. Their conversation made things awkward, yes, but it also made things easier. It was easier to talk, to laugh together. It was easier to admit to himself that he  _ wanted  _ to share things with Karina. Their conversation felt much more fluid, even though it was about movies and stories from other people they knew.

She told him about the neighbors, one who was sick, another who had the cops there a few days ago, another who was nosy with the whole neighborhood. Keith told her about Lance's sister and Hunk and Pidge and Alexa. How Hunk and Pidge liked each other and how it was painfully obvious but they never did or said anything about it. How Alexa would tease him about Lance when they were partners. How Veronica said he was her favorite person for giving her flowers. 

The sky turned dark as they talked. They got up only to munch on dessert and use the bathroom, but their conversation didn't falter as much as it used to. 

“So…. I want to ask about this guy you're seeing.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. He'd already told her so much. “What about him?” 

“When do you think you'd be comfortable with the idea of dating him? I only ask because… well, kiddo, you already do a lot of the dating stuff. You're with him most of the time, you know his friends, you met his sister, he's met Shiro, the dates. What's… what's holding you back?” She was careful about her question, but she didn't seem so reserved and shy. 

The question made Keith think. It was true. They were halfway there. But neither of them were quite ready for what a label would bring on. “I don't know. I mean there's still so much we don't know about each other and…. I don't know. I'm scared, I guess. Like it might be bad luck. Like as soon as we call it dating, as soon as I call him my boyfriend, that's when it'll all fall apart.” He shrugged and started folding and unfolding a napkin. “If we're already doing the stuff dating entails, why bother with the labels? We've talked about it and I know he feels the same, so….” He shrugged again. 

“Well, I suppose that's true. But you know… it's also okay to want a label and be scared of it.” He grimaced and didn't answer, but he kept his eyes on her. “But okay! I won't ask anymore. I'm really happy you both seem to fit so well together, though.” 

He smiled and whispered a thank you. Then he looked at his phone, eyebrows arching in surprise when he saw the time. He'd never stayed so long before. “I should get going. Kosmo is probably anxious about not seeing me all day.”

“Oh, okay. Want some leftovers to take home?” 

He didn't need them, especially considering they'd held Thanksgiving there the night before and their fridge was well stocked with leftovers. But he still said, “Yeah! Especially the stuffing and the casserole.” 

Karina smiled and stood to pack some food into a couple Tupperwares and placed them in a bag for him. She walked out with him, and she gently tugged his jacket zipper up a little more. “Be careful, kiddo. I'll miss you.” 

“I'll miss you too. Thanks for food and… for talking with me.” She smiled, her eyes glittering in the moonlight. 

And then she was hugging him. Her hug was tight and firm, encasing him completely and for a moment, Keith felt like a little kid being comforted by his mom. “I love you, Keith. So much.” 

Keith felt a knot in his throat, but he swallowed past it and chuckled as he hugged her back just as tightly. She smelled like pumpkin pie. 

He tried to form the words on his tongue, wanted with all his heart to say them back. But he couldn't. “I promise I'll visit more. I need more of these hugs.” 

Karina wasn't upset. She laughed and and pulled away, ruffling his hair gently. “I look forward to it. Go on, your puppy is waiting on you,” she said. She walked back to her front door, waiting under the porch light.

Keith got back to his bike, securing his food before he waved and took off. 

\-- 

When Keith got home, Shiro was still awake. He was watching TV and holding Kosmo in his arms. As soon as Keith walked in, though, Kosmo leapt from his arm and started jumping against Keith's legs. 

“Down, boy,” Keith chided gently. “I missed you too.” 

“How was Karina's?” Shiro asked, getting up from the couch. “You were there longer than usual.” 

“It was good,” Keith answered with a smile. “Really. And I brought more leftovers.” 

Shiro chuckled and took the leftovers to put them in the fridge. “So you're okay?” Keith nodded. “Okay. Mom and Dad said they'd stop by tomorrow to see how you felt. We're getting breakfast with them.” 

“Sounds good.” Shiro looked at him oddly for a moment before smiling. “What?” 

“Nothing. Goodnight, see you in the morning.” 

He went to his room and Keith whistled for Kosmo to follow him as he got ready for bed. Once he settled under the covers, he pulled his phone out and sent Lance a message. 

_ Hey pretty boy, available to talk?  _

There wasn't an immediate answer, and Keith thought he was already asleep. Then before he plugged his phone, a message came in. 

_ Yea! Sorry I just saw this, I've been out with my siblings.  _

Keith smiled and dialed his number. It rang twice before Lance answered. Keith found himself half mouthing the greeting with Lance. “ _ Hola mi principe!”  _ Keith blushed and smiled at the ceiling. “How was Black Thursday?” 

Keith snorted. “Pretty good. My foster parents got a lot of good stuff. I spent today at my birth mom's for like a second Thanksgiving.” 

“Oh? And how was that?” 

“It was really great actually. I can tell you more about it whenever you get back. What about you? Did you do any shopping today?” 

Lance laughed and Keith felt his heart tighten at the sound. “No, no, no we don't go. My mami hears horror stories on the TV, so…. But! I spent today with my siblings and it was really great. Really, really great,” he said. 

Every time he talked about his family, his voice took on a certain quality. Something fond and joyous that was so adorable it made Keith yearn to hold him as tightly as possible. It was a strange reaction to have, so Keith kept it to himself. 

But even so, he sounded so much happier at that moment than he usually did. It was a contagious feeling. 

“I'm really glad to hear you're having fun over there. I know you missed them a lot.” 

“You sound tired, babe.” 

Keith stifled a yawn and grunted slightly when Kosmo plopped onto his stomach. “Just a little. I woke up really early and then I wasn't expecting to be at my mom's so long.” 

Lance hummed softly. “You know what I was thinking the other day?” Keith waited, making a curious hum. “I was thinking about how different everything is with us now. You know, compared to those first couple weeks.” Keith started smiling. “Like, you would never call first before. And you always sounded surprised when I called you.” 

“It was awkward too. The silences made me nervous. Now it's nice.” 

Lance chuckled. “And how Shiro used to hate me.” 

“Shiro did not hate you! He just wasn't sure about you.” 

Lance snorted. “Mm. He hated me. But now he likes me, so it's cool. Although… I do kind of miss when things were new.” 

Keith frowned and turned on his side. His phone pressed between his face and the pillow. “What do you mean?” Was it getting boring now? Were they becoming routine? Was that bad? 

“Well, for example…. How flustered you would get when I took you on a date. Because you didn't know what to expect. Those first few times…. It was kind of cute. Everything surprised you. I remember the first time… we… y'know. It took you a while to relax. You were so careful at first and it was easy to get you to react.” 

“Well… yeah. But I like things now. I like how it feels to be comfortable with you. I like that it feels natural when I hold your hand and kiss you before you go somewhere.” Keith felt his cheeks heating up because he felt embarrassed of himself when he started babbling romantic things like this. “And I'm really glad I felt… good enough I guess, to start a routine of calling you myself. I don't think I ever saw myself doing that.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and while Keith desperately wanted to ask what was going on or why the silence or if he was even still there, he didn't. He kept quiet. Because he didn't want to call attention to the quiet, but when he thought he should, it had already gone on too long. 

Then finally, he heard a heavy breath on the other end. “You know, I really like when you talk like that. When you tell me all these things. Like yesterday too. It's… it's nice.” Lance fell into a fit of muffled laughter and Keith felt himself blushing further. 

“Well, why are you laughing!” 

“No, no, no, babe, not at you! I'm just…. I'm just flustered and I'm not used to you making me flustered this way with all the sweet talk and it's…. It's new. And I really like it.” Keith hummed and fidgeted slightly, mindlessly petting Kosmo who had snuggled up beside him. “I miss you. A lot. I really wanna kiss you and see how much you're probably blushing right now.” 

“Ah, fuck off,” Keith grumbled, laughing slightly. 

“And you're back,” Lance teased. 

Keith rolled his eyes at nothing. “I miss you too.” It was true. Keith didn't think he could miss someone this much in a way that didn't hurt. He could hardly put into words without finding himself scarlet-faced. 

He yawned, mid-thought, and Lance chuckled. “You should go to bed, baby. I'll text you in the morning and call you again at night, okay?” 

Keith nodded before remembering Lance couldn't see him. “Okay, pretty boy. Good night. Sleep well.” 

“I'll dream of you,” Lance answered. Keith could hear the smirk in his voice. Damn pretty boy. 

“I hate you.” But he knew Lance could hear his smile too. Hell, he could probably hear his blush. “Night.” Lance said goodbye one more time before hanging up. 

Keith plugged his phone to charge again and laid back down, suddenly very aware of the missing warmth on his other side. Honestly, Keith liked hearing and seeing Lance get flustered. It was one thing when it was because they were between the sheets or Keith was teasing him by lightly touching the skin on the nape of his neck to purposefully get him riled up on a car ride home or something. It was different when Lance was flustered because Keith simply let himself wear his heart on his sleeve for a few moments. 

He wanted to do it more. He fell asleep with an idea forming in his mind, but no idea how to execute it. 

The next morning Keith woke up with just enough time to get ready to greet his foster parents when they arrived. 

His mother had groceries in hand, ready to take over the kitchen. She kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand to greet him. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yes, Mama,” Keith answered with a smile. 

His father smiled at him and squeezed his arm lightly as he smiled. “How was yesterday? Is Karina doing okay?” 

“She is, she's doing great. It was nice yesterday. We talked a lot more.” 

His father smiled, a little sadly, but it was still genuine. “I'm happy to hear it.” He tousled his hair only slightly before following his wife into the kitchen. 

Shiro came out of his room once the smell of savory food filled the air. Keith watched from the table as Shiro greeted their parents with tight hugs and wide smiles, their mother's hands touching his face and his hair as their father jostled him playfully. The tones of their voices held affection as they spoke to him. 

It wasn't like they were indifferent with Keith; he knew that. Things were just different when you raised one son for 24 years and the other for only eight. Especially when the first two years of that, Keith spent most of the time avoiding them and rejecting their affection. He had his boundaries, and his foster parents acknowledged and respected them. Now, he had no idea how to explain that he didn't have the same boundaries. 

“Takashi, dear, set the table will you?” their mother asked. Keith moved to stay out of the way beside his father as Shiro busied himself. “So Keith, how was your second Thanksgiving? Everything go okay?” 

The way her eyes flickered to him, nervous and worried helped remind Keith that their love was just as real as their love for Shiro. Keith had come back from visiting his birth mom feeling unsure and frustrated in the past. The feeling of starting from scratch each time, the lack of affection, the empty conversations always left him in a poor state of mind and a worse mood. Of course, his parents caught on and worried each time he visited. 

“It was great, Mama. Karina and I talked about a lot of stuff. I feel like it made things different somehow. I feel a little closer to her and I think…. I don't know. I think things will get better now.” 

She and their father shared a look. Keith wasn't sure what it was about, but her eyes seemed to glisten when she looked back at him. “That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad you're building that relationship.” 

Something heavy settled in his chest. He knew they didn't mean to guilt him for building a relationship with his birth mom. It was just frustrating because their relationship with him felt stagnant. He knew they loved him, and he loved them too. But they were still so careful around him, and these tight lipped smiles made him feel like he was doing something wrong. 

Something large and painful lodged in his throat and made him tense. “Um, you know, I'm not that hungry. I gotta… tidy up my room. Enjoy breakfast.” He smiled and disappeared down the hall before they could answer. 

Once he was in his room with Kosmo at his heels, he sat on his bed and hid his face in his hands. He forced the sting in his eyes to disappear and reminded himself he had every right to build a better relationship with his mom. His foster parents didn't even try to improve their relationship with him, so what right did they have to be upset if Keith got closer to Karina? 

There was a knock on his door, that made Keith take a steadying breath. “Yeah?” he called when he was certain his voice wouldn't betray him. 

The door opened slightly and Shiro peeked in. “Hey. Wanna talk?” 

Keith rolled his eyes and sighed. “No. Did they send you again?” They always used Shiro as a buffer, as an in between. 

Shiro frowned and let himself in before sitting beside Keith. “No. I came because I can tell you're upset.” 

“Well they're the ones asking how it went then they go and look all upset when I say it went well! Like I'm not fucking allowed-!” 

“Hey, hey, okay, easy,” Shiro said trying to get Keith to lower his voice and slow down. “They're not upset with you for seeing her or getting closer to her, hippo.” Keith scowled at the nickname, knowing it was Shiro's way of softening him up. “I'm serious. You wanna know what it is they're thinking? They don't want you to know. But neither of you are being honest with each other, so whatever.” 

Keith arched an eyebrow. “It makes sense they'd tell  _ you. _ ” 

Shiro frowned, looking a little hurt, but Keith wasn't in a sympathetic mood at that point. “Keith, they  _ are  _ happy for you. They were always scared that Karina would hurt you, emotionally or mentally. They were scared she'd leave you again, and you'd suffer. The fact that she's trying and you came back this time feeling so happy instead of upset is a good thing and they know that.” 

Keith kept his eyes steady on the strip of pictures on his corkboard. It kept him still, and it kept him from getting more aggravated. “The smiles they gave me were very different from the ones they were giving you. They're upset.” 

“I never said they weren't. I just said they weren't upset with  _ you _ .” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “They want to be closer to you too, Keith. They want their relationship with you to be better, they just don't know how. What hurts them is that she's making progress and they're not.” 

Keith finally looked at Shiro, confused and surprised. “But…. But they're not trying anymore.” 

This time, Shiro looked surprised. “They're not? They visit every holiday. They call you every weekend. They check on you every time after you visit your birth mom.” 

Keith scoffed and looked at the wall again, shaking his head. “That's…. But what about my dance shows? They don't go to those. They don't hug me like they hug you. Even when we lived with them, they never got me in trouble like parents are supposed to, they always went through you!” 

“Do you invite them?” Keith stayed quiet. “You gotta remember what you were like when you started living with us. You didn't want anyone to touch you. It took a long time for you to let me hug you. They don't want to make you uncomfortable, hippo. And they thought you'd listen more to me because we're closer in age and… honestly I think they didn't want you to become bitter towards them. Remember how hard things got between us when I told you to stop seeing… you know?” 

Keith grimaced as he recalled it. Shiro telling him his boyfriend was trouble, that he needed to end it, doing everything possible to get between Keith and the boy he swore he loved. Keith remembered throwing it in his face that Shiro wasn't his real brother, that he had no control or power over him, telling Shiro anything and everything to get him to leave him alone. Keith had grown bitter. Keith told Shiro he hated him at one point. 

“You say they stopped trying…. Maybe you're right. But I think you stopped trying too.” Keith grit his teeth, frustrated with the return of the damn stinging behind his eyes. “They love you so much. You know that right? People don't just foster teenagers for the hell of it. And you know they wanted to adopt you. They still are you as their son just like I see you as my brother.” 

Keith cleared his throat and clenched his jaw, refusing to acknowledge the blurriness in his vision. “You know I see you guys as my family,” he said, his voice slow and heavy. 

Shiro smiled. “Yeah. I do. But I don't know if Mom and Dad know that too.” Keith sighed. “So… come back out there with me and have breakfast. Papa's worried about you.” 

“Yeah, alright,” he muttered. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face before composing himself enough. 

He followed Shiro back down the hallway. He saw his mom in the kitchen, placing food in a Tupperware. When she saw him, her eyes widened and some tension in her shoulders seemed to dissipate. “Keith, I was just separating some food for you to heat up later in case you got hungry.” 

Keith felt something comforting flutter in him. “I… I don't mind eating with you guys.” Her eyes widened a bit. 

“Okay! Let me fix you a plate, then.” She bustled about and his father scooted a chair out for him. 

Keith sat down, suddenly feeling small. He felt like he was 15 again, in their presence for the first time, a baby blanket with hippos tucked in the recesses of his suitcase as his only constant. But he was 21 now. These people became his family, his family became constant. And now that Keith knew what they thought, he was second guessing everything. 

Every side glance wasn't an awkward, uncomfortable thing meant to ostracize him. They were meant to check on him, subtle enough to keep him from feeling overwhelmed. Their small smiles weren't a formality, they weren't fake. They were just nervous and reserved. Every small talk conversation topic wasn't them being distant, it as just them wanting to keep him comfortable. 

“Um. My dance group has a competition coming up in December. Before break.” 

“That must be exciting,” his mother said with a smile. 

Keith nodded. “Yeah. We're all excited. Um. It's free admission… if you guys wanted to go see it.” 

“Well of course we do!” his father said immediately. Keith looked up to see his mother looking at him with an expression of unreserved joy and… hope. “When is it?” 

“You're sure you want us there?” his mother asked gently. It was clear in her tone that she understood if he didn't want them to go. She wanted him to know he wasn't obligated. 

Typically, Keith would shrug and say it was up to them. That it wasn't a big deal, but the offer was there. This time he nodded resolutely. “I want my parents there. It'd mean a lot to me.” He shrugged and smiled. “My friend will be going too. The one I told you about before.” 

“Lance?” Keith nodded. “And he's… just a friend?” his father asked. Shiro smirked to himself. 

Keith blushed, but kept his face neutral. “Well… a little more than a friend. But not… not boyfriend.” 

His parents hummed and shared a smug smile with each other. “Well, if you really want us there, we'll be there,” his mother assured. She returned to her breakfast before more could be said, and while Keith's immediate reaction was to think it was because she didn't care, he tried to reframe it in his head. She didn't want to push. 

It was still a little tense. Shiro still maneuvered most of the conversation. It was still mostly small talk with the occasional mention of Christmas dinner and plans. Keith smiled and nodded, tried to say things too, but… he hated small talk. 

As they finished up eating, he kept thinking about what Lance said the night before. How much he enjoyed hearing Keith be all gushy and how nice it was. He wasn't sure why he didn't like being that way more often. There was nothing wrong with it, and Keith knew he really liked when Lance reminded him how much he liked him. 

Looking at the way his parents held hands over the table as they talked to him and Shiro, he figured maybe everyone liked being reminded from time to time. And there wasn't anything wrong with that. It was vulnerable, yeah, but…. Keith sighed softly, realizing that no matter how much he wanted to learn to be okay with vulnerability, it wasn't something he could just decide to embrace. Even trusting Lance and his parents as much as he did, he was afraid of it, and he had no idea how to change that. 

“Keith? Are you alright?” their father asked. 

He pulled himself from his thoughts and refocused to look around the table. His mother's eyes flitted from him to her food and back. Shiro's gaze was steady on him, confused and worried. His father's gaze was directed toward him but not quite looking at him. 

“Yes, Papa, I'm fine.” He smiled, hoping to reassure them. 

“Well we should get going, we have to get groceries and pick up some dry cleaning.” Their mother picked up the plates from the table and stacked them on the sink. 

“You can leave those, Mama, I'll clean them later,” Shiro said. 

She frowned, but didn't try to wash them. As she gathered her purse and put away what was left of the food, their father took to playing with Kosmo. 

“Do you guys need anything?” he asked as he tugged on a rope that had Kosmo growling and sliding on the other end. “For yourselves or the puppy or anything?” 

Keith shrugged and looked at Shiro. “No, Papa, we're okay. Keith's looking into getting a job, and we're up to date on the bills.” Keith rolled his eyes at Shiro's unsubtle suggestion, but he made a mental note to really start looking. He needed to save up too. 

Their father nodded and was joined by their mother shortly after. “Okay, be good, both of you,” she said, shuffling toward the door. “If you need anything, call us.” 

Shiro nodded and hugged them each in turn. Keith stood back, busying himself with Kosmo before they turned to him. 

“Bye, Keith. Please let us know when you get more information on your competition, alright?” 

He nodded and walked toward them. Shiro squeezed his shoulder and walked away, either to his room or the bathroom. Either way, he was giving Keith his privacy. 

“Um. Thank you guys for making sure I'm alright after meeting with Karina.” His mom smiled, and gave a quick nod. “I….” He felt like he didn't have the right words. He knew everything he wanted to say, but he couldn't figure out how to say it, couldn't bring himself to. 

“Keith?” His dad's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

He took a deep breath and leaned forward to hug them both tightly. Tighter than he ever hugged them before. He felt the hesitation in their arms as they wrapped around him, the surprise in the huffs they let out. 

“You guys are really great parents. And I know I haven't always been the best son, but….” 

Keith shut his eyes, battling the slight embarrassment, the little voice in the back of his brain telling him to shut up and keep it to himself. He let Lance's voice override it. 

_ I really like when you talk like that. When you tell me all these things. It's nice.  _

“I got really lucky with you guys,” he managed to whisper. “And I love you both.” 

He heard a small sigh in his ear and felt both arms tighten around him. “Oh, Keith,” his mother whispered. “You're a wonderful son. We got lucky with you, my dear, sweet boy.” 

They pulled back and his father gripped his shoulder tightly. “Listen. You're just as much our son as Takashi. You know that, right?” 

Keith wanted to say he did. He wanted to nod and agree. But in reality, he felt a giant wave of relief and love when he heard those words. He felt like he could breathe. Instead he just stared, trying to keep his breaths steady. 

“Are you okay, dear?” His mama kept her dark eyes steady on him, calculating but still kind. Her hand hesitantly ran through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face. 

Keith leaned into the touch and nodded. “Yeah.” His voice broke. “I just…. I realized that sometimes I gotta tell people how much I care about them.” She smiled and put her hand on his cheek. He figured he should be honest. “Shiro said… you guys might feel hurt because Karina and I are building a relationship, and I know I've been distant with you guys-” 

“Hey, it's okay,” his mama interrupted. “Keith, we'd rather you have a good relationship with her than get hurt by her. We know she's important to you. We're happy you have it in your heart to let her in your life.” 

Keith took a breath. “But you guys are my family too.” 

“We know, Keith.” His father smiled, and again, while there was something sad about it, it was genuine. “We love you. So, so much.” 

Keith smiled. “I love you guys too.” He stepped back to let them leave, his hands in his pockets. “Have a safe drive, okay? And I'll for sure tell you when I have my competition.” They nodded and hugged him one more time. His mama kissed his cheek, and his papa squeezed his shoulder again. Then they walked out, and Keith locked the door. 

He felt a little strange, but he felt good. He felt happy. Unsurprisingly, his first thought was that he wanted to tell Lance. 

A door opened behind him and he saw Shiro walking down the hall toward him. He had a small smile on his face. “You okay, hippo?” 

Keith rolled his eyes at the nickname, but smiled. “Yeah.” Shiro winked and went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Keith followed him, shadowing him the way he used to when he was younger. Shiro noticed and arched an eyebrow. “I kind of… wanted your help with something? Please?” 

Shiro kept scrubbing. “With what?” 

“It's about Lance. I….” Keith took a breath. “He's always the one taking me on a date. And we were talking and he mentioned that he kind of missed how all that was so new with us. And I said how I like that we're familiar now. And I figured… if  _ I  _ were to take  _ him  _ on a date, it'd still be new, but also… familiar. I don't know, it's stupid-” 

“Hey.” Shiro turned around with a smile as he dried his hands. “It's not stupid. Not at all.” He crossed his arms. “You really, really like him, huh?” 

Keith scoffed. “Was that not obvious when I introduced him to you guys?” Shiro chuckled and shrugged. Keith took another deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I really like him. And he always makes me feel special. I want to do something for him. I know he'd love to be taken on a date for once and I know no one's done it for him before because he's only been with a girl.” 

“Okay,” Shiro said with a slow nod. “So what do you need my help for?” 

“Planning it and… you know I guess distracting him while I prepare? It's just… I know him, and I know what he likes. But I'm scared to go overboard or do something wrong. You and Adam have been on lots of dates and you've planned as much as he has so…. I don't know. You're experienced!” 

Shiro laughed and shook his head before uncrossing his arms and nodding. “Alright. Sure. I'll help you.” 

***

Monday felt slow and stressful. The whole dance group was working on helping their newest member, a junior named James, get the hang of all the moves that had been Roland's. They even got Roland to come in that morning to help him. 

But James was a stubborn person. A fast learner, and talented, no doubt. For some reason, though, he and Keith butted heads a lot. It made it that much harder to teach him. 

The rest of the day was just frustrating because of all the essays and projects piling up just before finals. Keith needed more than a few days of break. 

That afternoon at rehearsal, he was struggling with getting James on time with the others and suggested having him practice off to the side with his partner. 

After giving him an aggravated scowl, James went off to the side with the girl who had been Roland's partner. Keith clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd do anything to get Roland back,” he muttered to Alexa who stood beside him. She snorted and shook her head. 

“Well, hopefully your mood improves in like 10 seconds.” 

Keith frowned. “You're an asshole. It's been a long day.” Alexa just smirked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“ _ Hola, koala, me extrañaste?”  _

Keith turned around, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight of Lance with windswept hair and that perfect half smile, his eyes sparkling and making Keith feel lightheaded. His body moved before he could tell it to, drawn to Lance immediately. He took his face in his hands, his thumb settled over his dimple, and kissed him. 

He wanted to kiss him like Lance was the air he breathed, but his entire team was there, stretching during their break. He didn't need them teasing him or seeing just how weak Keith was in Lance's hands. 

So instead Keith pulled back and brought him into a tight hug, fitting together perfectly. “I missed you so much,” Keith whispered. He felt Lance's arms drape around his shoulders holding him tighter. 

“I came as soon as I got out of my last class,” he answered. 

Lance pulled away and nudged his nose against Keith's. His smile was so open and unreserved. Before Keith could decide to kiss him again, Alexa said, “I hate to interrupt such a touching, gay moment, but our break is up and we have… a lot of work to do.” Her eyes drifted to James. 

“Roland's replacement isn't doing too great, huh?” Lance asked. Alexa shrugged. 

“He's good. It's just… he doesn't listen. He wants to change the routine and he doesn't listen to me,” Keith said. “He gives me a headache.” 

Lance frowned and took his hand. “Can't you get a new dancer?”

“I would, but the competition is in two weeks. No one can get it down that fast and he's already learned most of it. It's just a matter of getting him to stop fighting me.” 

“Well, I'm gonna sit in the corner and work on homework. Do your thing, babe.” Lance kissed his cheek, and Keith felt the blush creeping into his face immediately. 

Keith brought the group back together and worked on the routine as a whole. He felt like his entire body had been energized. Just seeing Lance again after so long made him feel more awake. And finally kissing him again made him ridiculously happy that even James’ stubbornness didn't faze him. 

Once everyone was cooling down, dancing around freely and laughing with each other, Keith went over to Lance. 

“Don't you ever cool down?” Lance asked with a smile. 

Keith pulled him closer with a hand at the small of his back. “I have a different exercise,” he said, flashing him a smile. He saw his eyes widen slightly before Keith kissed him, making up for nearly a week without a taste of his lips. 

When Keith let him breathe, Lance stared at him with dazed eyes. His thumb pressed against Keith's lower lips. “Fuck. I missed those gorgeous eyes.” 

Keith smiled and started to lean in again. “Hey.” He froze and let out a sigh before turning to face James. “We need to change-” 

“We're not changing our routine. Erika doesn't want to change hers either.” 

“Well, with a different partner, you gotta be flexible. It's part of performing.” 

“You think I don't know that?” Keith snapped. He crossed his arms and stood up straighter. “We're two weeks away from competition. You knew what you were getting into when you joined. We can talk about changing things up for the next competition but  _ not  _ now. So stop wasting time complaining to me and everyone trying to help you and do what you're here to do.” 

James glared at him. “You need me. Not the other way around-” 

“Are you seriously trying to threaten me right now?” Keith snarled, stepping closer. He noticed the other dancers looking over at them, the music playing for no one in the background. He could feel Lance behind him, but he wasn't interfering. “Listen to me, James.” Keith stepped even closer. James didn't flinch back, keeping his eyes steady and furious on Keith. “You wanna drop out, go ahead. But you're not gonna make empty threats. Everyone here has worked their ass off all semester if not longer. And  _ you  _ are not going to fuck it up for them. You've got talent. But you're not special.” 

“You have no right to talk to me like that.” 

The words and the look James was giving him made Keith bristle. He gave him a cold smile. “I'm your fucking  _ captain,  _ James.” He noticed James cheeks color, but again, he didn't flinch. “If you don't want me to talk to you a certain way, then change your attitude and watch how you talk to me.” James stared at him with a red face. Keith looked up at the other dancers and sighed. “Get going, guys. See you tomorrow morning.” They looked away and bustled around to leave. Keith kept James in place. Once it was empty, save for Lance still behind him, Keith spoke again. “Tell me right now. Are you leaving the team?” 

James stayed silent for a long while. “No.” 

“Okay then. I don't want to hear about the changes you want to make until after this competition. Don't make me regret letting you join the team.” Keith leaned down to grab his duffel bag and turned to Lance who was distracting himself on his phone. “Babe.” 

Lance looked up and fell in step beside him. Their hands tangled together as they left the rehearsal space. “You okay?” Lance asked. Keith nodded. “Well… seeing you take charge like that was…  _ interesting.”  _

Keith glanced over and saw the shy half smile on his face. He smirked back and bit his lip. “Pretty boy, do you have a kink I should know about?” 

Lance laughed a little nervously and tugged him toward his car. “I mean, not that I know of but…. I won't deny it was kind of hot.” Lance kissed him softly and tugged on Keith's lower lip. “Let's drop off your motorcycle and get some food, yeah? I missed you.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Keith breathed against him. He hadn't realized how badly he craved Lance's touch. It wasn't even sexual. It was just his touch. 

The hand against his side felt like it'd been missing, the lips gently pressing and pulling away from his felt comforting, the fingertips playing with his hand felt familiar. He'd gone so long without the touches Lance always offered and he only realized the withdrawal at that moment when he was receiving them again. 

“I gotta go, I gotta feed Kosmo. Meet you at my place?” Lance hummed against his lips, refusing to let him go. “Pretty boy,” Keith chided playfully. 

“Yes sir?” 

Keith pulled back and arched an eyebrow. “You  _ do  _ have a kink.” 

Lance laughed. “Figured I'd test it out. How should I take that blush in your cheeks? Yes or no?” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “We'll see.” He kissed him one more time and pushed away. “See you at my place. Drive safe.” 

Lance winked at him and got in his car.

Once Keith got to his house, he fed Kosmo and put up his bike. Lance pulled up shortly after, and once Kosmo finished eating, they got into Lance car. Kosmo quickly curled himself up at Keith feet, his head against Keith's leg. They picked up some fast food before getting to Lance's apartment. 

“So how was your break?” Lance asked as they ate. 

Keith immediately told him about Thanksgiving dinner and going to see his birth mom the next day. He told him all about the way she told him some of her past, keeping it vague because he didn't want to indulge in his own. He just said he was a lot more similar to her than he thought. 

“I also took a picture with her.” He put away his trash and sat closer to Lance to show him. “That's her. Her name is Karina.” 

“Holy shit she's h- uh. You look a lot like her.” Lance winced as Keith glared at him and thumped him on the head. “Okay, I'm sorry, but she is very… very attractive and I'm just saying, you know, you also got a lot of those looks and so-” 

Keith grabbed some fries and stuffed them in Lance's mouth. “Stop talking, pretty boy.” Lance nodded and chewed. “Well, I think we'll be a lot closer now. I also mentioned you to her. She said she'd like to meet you whenever we're ready for that.” 

Lance tugged lightly on a strand of hair by Keith's ear. “Yeah?” Keith nodded and Lance smiled. “That'd be nice. Terrifying but nice.” Keith chuckled and leaned into his side a little more. “My brothers want to meet you too.” 

Keith frowned and pulled away from him to look at him. “What?” Lance raised an eyebrow. “You…. You told your brothers about me?” 

Lance sat up and shifted. “Y-yeah. Is that okay?” 

That constricting feeling in his throat was back. Before he could answer, he leaned forward and brought Lance into a kiss. 

He knew Lance wanted to come out to his family eventually. He believed it was something Lance wanted to do for himself. But part of him still couldn't believe whenever Lance told people about him. It still seemed surreal and crazy and…. He couldn't fathom it in his head. 

“What did you say?” he asked breathlessly, holding Lance's face in his hands. 

Lance looked flustered and dazed. “Oh, well…. It's a long story. But my brother Luis overheard us talking and he was really cool about it. Then Vero and Luis helped me tell Marco. I told them I was seeing you and then… I figured out I identify as pan too, so…. In case you still wanted to know my sexuality.” 

Keith smiled at him and shook his head. “I don't need a label to explain how you feel about me. But I'm happy you found one you like.” He kissed him softly and ran his hands through his hair. He laughed and shut his eyes. “I can't believe you told them. They were okay?” 

Lance nodded. “Of course I told them. I didn't know I'd tell them over break, but… I knew I wanted to. It just worked out. I got lucky and they were really chill about it. They're just upset that Veronica met you already.” Keith laughed and hugged him tightly. 

“You're amazing,” he breathed. He felt overwhelmed. He didn't want to let Lance go for a second. He had no idea it could feel this freeing and wonderful to not be hidden. It felt surreal that Lance talked about him to other people, gushed about him, told people close to him that Keith was an important person in his life. 

“You okay,  _ principe?”  _ Keith nodded and forced himself to get a grip. 

But the more he tried, the more his head swarmed with everything. He couldn't help but contrast Lance to everything he knew before, everything he'd experienced. And the more he thought of it, the more he couldn't believe Lance was real. How had he gotten so lucky? 

The way the universe worked in his favor to introduce them, to give Lance the persistence to ask him out even with all the times Keith brushed him off, to bring them to where they were now…. It felt too good to be true. But everything about Lance felt that way. 

“Keith?” Lance whispered his name gently, his hand tilted Keith's head up slightly by the chin. 

“Will you go somewhere with me?” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not commenting on the way Keith's eyes watered or the way his. voice shook. “Sure. When?” 

“Now?” Lance raised his eyebrows, but he nodded. Keith got up and Lance followed him. He looked concerned, and Keith couldn't blame him. He felt… strange. With all those memories and all the realizations that came only after seeing the way Lance was with him. 

He stayed quiet in the car, petting Kosmo idly and only speaking to direct Lance. Once Lance parked, they stayed in the car and Keith stared straight ahead at nothing through the windshield. 

“Babe, I'm getting a little freaked out,” Lance admitted. “Are you okay?” 

Keith frowned. “I…. No. Not really.” He swallowed and shit his eyes. “I'm just thinking about… everything I experienced before you. How I thought it was good or good enough, and now…. Now I'm realizing it was all shit and… and that….” Keith let out a frustrated sigh. He looked at Lance. 

Those ocean eyes were steady on him, glinting with the dipping sunset. They looked like blue palette kaleidoscopes, completely focused on Keith, unaware of the effect they had on him. 

“Remember how I said I got into trouble in high school?” Lance nodded. “I had a boyfriend. The only official one. I was a freshman and… he was a second time junior. I didn't tell anyone about him because…. Well I didn't know my foster family that well and I figured I knew what I was doing. I was his right hand man most of the time, following him in everything he did, doing whatever he wanted me to. He knew how to sweet talk me into it.” He scoffed and sniffed, refusing to let the tears build in his eyes again. “Whether it was being his lookout or ditching half my classes or covering for him or giving him a blowjob. When I was being particularly stubborn, he'd put his arm over my shoulders and pull me close to him steering me around and talking about loyalty and love until I gave in.” 

“Keith….” 

He looked over at Lance. He looked confused and angry even. Keith shrugged. “I was young. I was stupid. I believed him. I believed him when he said he loved me and that no one would love me or understand me the way he did. I believed him when he said we were all we had and that if he was mean it was just because he loved me and didn't know what else to do. I….” Keith shut his eyes again. The ghost of those fingers still hovered over his skin. Why hadn't he just listened to Shiro? 

“Shiro told me he was no good. He was too old for me at the time, he was trouble, he'd get me in trouble. Shiro didn't even know the extent of it. He knew I missed school, knew I'd sneak in late because I was out with the guy, and he knew we were out doing things we weren't supposed to. But Shiro didn't know how he treated me, the things he got me to do, the things he'd say to me.” Keith felt sick. He felt sick to his stomach remembering it all. “I was just so sure I knew what I was doing. And everytime he pushed me around or yelled at me or….” Keith shrugged. “I'd make excuses. All kinds of excuses for him. I didn't want him to leave me. Not even when left me behind and I took the fall for one of his vandalisms. Not even when he talked me into sex and didn't even bother to be careful. Not even when he gave me a black eye because I figured I deserved it, I pushed him too much and I fought back anyway and gave him one too. I apologized for weeks because of that. He never said sorry once.” 

A hand gripped his and he felt Lance pull it up to his lips. Where Keith refused to cry, Lance was already wiping away runaway tears. “ _ Prinicpe… _ that…. He….. He was an abusive, manipulative piece of-” 

“I didn't know that then,” Keith interrupted. “I just knew someone wanted me and that someone else was trying to keep us apart. I'd never been in a relationship before, I figured they were all like that. I figured it didn't matter if we hit each other, we were both guys.” Lance shut his eyes tight and gripped his hand. “I didn't realize I was scared of him, just that I was scared of losing him. So I did everything for him. I wanted to do everything right. Even when Shiro literally forbade me from seeing him like I was some thirteen year old girl in the middle ages, I did anything to be with him. And then my sophomore year, around the time Shiro realized I wasn't actually in dance and was trying to pull strings to get me into it, I found out he was cheating on me.” 

“ _ What?”  _

Keith shrugged. “Some freshman. Smaller than me. Kind of dorky. I found them kissing at the usual spot I met him at. I got so angry and I just…. We got into a fight. The worst of them all. I won, I mean you don't go years being the new kid in school and not know how to fight. But he told me I was too much work. That all I was good for was a fuck and a blowjob.” Beside him, Lance cursed under his breath. A sound full of anger that was mirrored in the slight tremor of his hand. 

Keith looked at him and tilted his face toward him. “It was the best thing that could've happened to me, though. Shiro got me into dance, and the guy graduated that year, so I was free of him for the last two years of high school. I was so broken, that Shiro and I got closer because he was so worried about me. And I started kicking ass in school.” 

He smiled and shrugged. “Then when Roland came into the picture, it just… felt like all of that was being reiterated. He left me because I was a bad person who took advantage of him, because I was too much work, because I wasn't good enough. And I made him excuses too. He wanted to hide and that was okay because he was still mine. Didn't want to call me his boyfriend but that was okay because he was with me anyway. He didn't want to come out and that was okay because a lot of people don't. My first time having sex with him hurt and that was fine because he was just nervous.” 

Keith shook his head. “I was broken when he left me. And my ex's words never stopped ringing in my head. That he was the only one who could love me. If he stopped, who else ever could? That no one would know me the way he did, that he was all I had. Then that I was too much work, only good for sex. So once Roland ditched me, I figured, sure. Why not? Sex was fun. And I was done with relationships label or no label. And if I'm so fucking good at it, why not make the fucking best of it?” 

Keith paused, realizing his grip on Lance's hand was ridiculously tight. All the strength it took to keep himself from breaking was going into holding on to Lance. Wonderful, beautiful Lance. 

He pulled their interlocked hands to his chest. He knew Lance could feel his racing heartbeat. Then he looked up to meet watery cerulean eyes that seemed completely focused on him. 

“Lance, the way people treated me….” Keith sighed and forced the knot in his throat to shrink. “One guy put his hand over my mouth so I'd be quieter. Another told me, as he was fucking me, that I was tighter than his girlfriend. Another guy was so drunk, he barely got my pants under my ass and went for it. Another guy told me to turn around because that way he could pretend I was someone else.” Lance's tears fell faster and Keith reached over to wipe them away. “And they all left as soon as they were done. Left me half dressed or sore on my bed, my floor, in their car. And I told myself over and over that it was fine. I was just that good. I was just that wanted. That I enjoyed it even when it hurt and even when I was alone.” 

Keith smoothed out the furrow between his eyes. “And then you came along,” he said with a chuckle. “With your smirk and your dimple and your pretty eyes. Looking for me and insisting and…. And being so careful and so sweet and so cuddly.” 

Lance laughed, but it was half a sob too. 

“You did everything right. You did everything opposite of them. And even though I know that, even though I should be used to it…. I'm not.” Keith kissed the back of his hand. “I just wanted you to know that I'm so thankful you came into my life and changed everything. I wanted you to understand what I mean when I say you're different and so much more than I ever could have hoped for.” 

“It just… it explains so much. Why you were so distant, why you always looked surprised, why you expected me to disappear…. Why you seemed so scared whenever we were looking for Roland.” Lance touched Keith's cheek lightly. “ _ Mi cielo hermoso,  _ you deserve so much more. You've got to be one of the strongest people I know.” He leaned forward, sharing a salty, gentle kiss with Keith. When he pulled back, he looking at the small gas station shop in confusion. “But why are we here?” 

Keith smiled and kissed him chastely one more time. “Come on.” He opened the door, and Kosmo immediately hopped out and shook himself. He took Lance's hand and tugged him along as they walked behind the building toward the dumpsters. 

“Oh this is where that dragon and griffin piece was,” Lance said, looking up at the wall. “I wonder if they caught whoever destroyed it.” 

Keith snorted. “No. They never caught me.” 

Lance frowned and looked over at him, a bit shocked. Then his expression melted into understanding. “The friend you had who did graffiti. That was the boyfriend.” Keith nodded. Lance looked at the wall again, and instead of curiosity, satisfaction simmered in his gaze. 

“We spent weeks on this one. I'd sit by the fence and watch. He said it was us. That he made it for me.” He stared at the food smears and the haphazard streaks and drips of black spray paint. “I came here a lot. Even when you and me started hanging out. To think. To be angry. I came here after our first big fight.” 

“From the night you met Vero?” 

Keith nodded. “I guess… the things he used to tell me were still in my head. And then I got angry. I got so angry that all these years later he was still fucking with me. So I decided to ruin it. Ruin the last hold he had on me.” 

Lance stepped in front of him, blocking his view of the ruined art. “How do you feel now? Looking at it?” 

Keith smiled and tugged him closer. “Free. Hopeful.” He bumped their noses together. “Lance, I'm not good with words like you are. I can't… fully express to you how much it means to me that you've been so different. But I want you to understand.” 

“I do. I do, I get it. I hate that you had to go through all of that. But I promise you, you never have to go through it again. I will never, ever hurt you or lay a hand on you or make you feel like you're less than me. You will never have to be scared of me, baby.” 

Keith hummed and brushed their lips together, teasing slightly. Then he wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him into a kiss. 

He wasn't good with words. But hopefully his kiss could show Lance everything he couldn't voice. 

When they pulled apart, mostly at Kosmo's impatient insistence, Keith took a shaky breath and offered a smile. “Let's get back. I think I'm done coming back here.” Lance nodded and took his hand, taking him back to the car. 

The ride back was quiet. Keith pet Kosmo wishbone hand, the other intertwined with Lance's until he needed both hands to make a tight turn. Keith figured they both needed the quiet. 

He'd just laid out most of his life for Lance. Reliving it left him tired. And he knew he'd given Lance a lot of information that he needed to let sink in. 

When they got to the apartment, Lance nudged him toward the room. They sat on the bed together with Kosmo curled up into a ball beside them. 

“Did I freak you out?” Keith asked softly. 

Lance shook his head and brushed his fingertips against his cheek. “No. I wanna punch all of those assholes in the face, but… I'm not freaked out. Why would I be?” 

Keith shrugged. “It was… a lot. A lot of baggage. A lot of people I… slept with. Just. A lot overall.” 

Lance smiled and said, “Hmm. Yeah. It was. But it also made me admire you a lot more than I already did.” He pulled Keith closer for a kiss. “You didn't scare me off. You made me wanna stay that much more.” 

Keith chuckled and tugged Lance until he had to shift with his legs on either side of Keith. Lance's arms draped over his shoulders and his hands slid into Keith's hair. He could feel slender fingers massaging his scalp gently. 

“I like you a lot, you know that?” Lance whispered. Keith hummed and wrapped his arms around Lance's torso. “I'm not going anywhere.” 

“I believe you,” Keith whispered.

“Can I ask you something?” Keith nodded, skimming his lips along Lance's jawline. “Why don't you let yourself cry?” Keith pulled back and furrowed his eyebrows. “It's just…. When you were talking, I could tell you wanted to.” A hand pushed his hair back gently. “Keith, I've never seen you cry.” 

Keith grimaced and hid his face in the crook of Lance's neck. “I don't like crying. It makes me feel weak and it's embarrassing for people to see me cry. I've cried alone, but it makes me feel stupid.” Lance sighed in his ear and Keith immediately added, “It's not that I don't trust you or feel comfortable around you, pretty boy. I promise. I don't even cry in front of Shiro anymore. There's no point in it. I can't control being hurt, but I can control my responses. If I don't cry, it feels like I still win somehow.” 

Lance pulled Keith away with his hands on either side of his head. “ _ Corazón.  _ The things you've gone through…. If it hurts to talk about and if it hurt to go through… you have every right to cry. It's not weak or embarrassing-” 

“I know it's not. But it feels that way to me. I just don't like doing it.” Lance huffed, but seeing that Keith wouldn't budge, he begrudgingly let it be. “Don't huff at me,” Keith said with a laugh. 

“I'll just show you all the tearjerker movies. Then you'll have an excuse.” Keith rolled his eyes, but smiled at him. “You wanna be the little spoon tonight?”

Keith bit his lip and blushed slightly. “.... Yeah.” 

Lance chuckled and hugged him tightly. “You got it, koala.” He shuffled back to get off him and nudged Kosmo aside to pull the covers back. “Come on, babe.” 

Keith smiled and got under the covers beside Lance, laughing softly when Lance wrapped his arms around and pulled him in so there was no space between them. Then he snuggled his face at the nape of Keith's neck, making Keith squirm and laugh a little louder. 

Lance's arm draped over one of Keith's so their hands could interlock. Kosmo curled up at their feet. “Hey, pretty boy?” 

A soft hum from behind him. Keith turned ao he was facing Lance. His finger traced the shape of his face, the outline of his lips. Lance's eyes were closed as a peaceful smile settled on his lips. 

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” 

Lance opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. “Of course. Where do you want to go?” 

Keith shook his head. “I have it planned out.” 

That made Lance's eyebrows go up and a smile spread on his face. “You planned a date? For me?” 

He nodded and smiled shyly. “I've never done it before, so I'm kind of nervous…. But I wanted to do something for you.” He winced as Lance's smile grew bigger, his eyes sparkling and his dimple deepening. “I apologize in advance if it sucks.” 

“Impossible.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms and legs around Lance, happy to rest his head against his chest and feel the of his heart. It was beating so quickly and it made Keith feel all jittery knowing  _ he  _ did that. He made Lance's heart race. 

It was almost stifling being beneath the covers and completely wrapped around Lance. He could see how flushed Lance looked, but neither of them really wanted to move. 

Instead Lance kept brushing his hair back with his fingers and pressed lazy kisses to the crown of his head occasionally. Keith realized he was falling asleep when his movements slowed more and more until they stopped completely. 

Keith pulled his head back slightly to look at him. His lips were slightly parted, his breaths slow and steady. Keith was close enough to count each eyelash. Each freckle that nearly blended into his skin from far away. 

“Beautiful,” Keith whispered to himself. Even with the thin line of drool that was starting at the corner of his mouth. Keith smiled to himself and settled back against his chest, taking a shaky breath before he let himself drift to sleep.


	10. Part 20

"What?" 

Keith shrugged and slid his hands down Lance's arms to get ahold of his hands. "I wanna make it official. If that's something you'd wanna do too…." 

Lance looked so surprised and confused. Granted, asking first thing after Lance woke up earlier than normal probably wasn't the best strategic choice. But seeing him shuffling around with his bedhead and after the night before and the way he looked everywhere they went…. Keith couldn't help it. It just seemed right. 

"Where is this coming from?" he asked with a nervous chuckle. "I mean, what happened to not caring about the technicalities and stuff?" 

"I know I said that, but…. I don't know. It's just, I look at you and I get so happy and I can't believe that… you know it's  _ me  _ who gets to kiss you and hold your hand and all that cheesy stuff I never thought I'd care about. I know we don't need labels, but… it would be nice to say I'm your boyfriend and you're mine. It could be more concrete to people and they'd know that, well… we're  _ together _ ." Keith bit his lip and blushed. "I know it's stupid, I mean-" 

"No, no, no I get it. I mean, I said I didn't need a label to know how much I like you, but I did feel more certain about myself when I found a label that felt comfortable." Lance touched his cheek. "You wanna make… what we have more tangible?" 

Keith nodded slowly. "If you'll have me. But if you wanna keep going without the label and the pressures, we can do that too. I just wanted you to know it was on the table." 

Lance's eyes teared up. It should've frightened him, but honestly, Keith liked how much Lance seemed to feel all the time. It was beautiful. His smile was wide as he kissed Keith and laughed softly. It made Keith's heart swell. 

He might have been afraid of the word boyfriend before, but Lance made that fear go away. 

Then Lance pulled away, his smile faltering. He swallowed and looked down. "Of course I want to be official. I'd love to call you my boyfriend." 

Keoth frowned as Lance's voice wavered. His body seemed to tense, closing off. "But…?" Keith prodded. 

"But… I need to tell you something first. And I don't know how to say it or how you'll react." 

Something dropped in Keith's stomach, making him feel suddenly nauseous. "Okay…. What is it?" 

Lance gulped and cleared his throat. "Um. Come on. We should sit." He took his hand, and Keith could feel how badly he was shaking.

Keith frowned and tensed, but followed him as they sat on the couch. Lance was scaring him, but he didn't want to say that out loud. Had Lance done something? Was he sick? 

"If I go in circles or… or get confusing it's… it's because I put off figuring out how to tell you this." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and steeled himself, though he had no idea for what. "Ever since you told me about the guy from your high school, I've been wanting to tell you about this." 

"Lance, wait." Keith tilted Lance's face toward him. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Just because I told you-" 

"I do. I do have to. I don't want secrets between us anymore. I have to face this for me. I promised myself." Keith sighed and nodded. "You remember when you asked about my ex? And why I stopped writing?" Keith nodded. "I couldn't- I didn't want to tell you because they had the same answer." Lance took another deep breath and pulled away. "I had a girlfriend my freshman year at college. Her name was Allura. She was… incredible. She was one of the best people I knew and so kind. I used to tell her she was a real angel God let the earth borrow. And I was lucky to know her." 

Keith didn't expect that. He didn't expect her to be described positively. Any ex who hurt someone as much as Lance seemed to hurt couldn't have been a good person. 

"Our parents were friends, and when hers passed away, we stayed close. Summer after graduation we started dating and…." Lance sighed and rubbed his eyes. "But she was sick. She had been for a long time, but…. We thought we had more time, you know, it was supposed to be manageable and-" His hands were frantic, running through his hair, brushing away tears, covering his mouth. He was still shaking. 

"She died," Keith whispered. It wasn't a question at that point, but Lance nodded. 

"She had type 1 myotonic muscular dystrophy. She was weak and we had to be careful because she got hurt easily. It messed with her in a lot of ways. She couldn't always concentrate, she was tired a lot, she'd have spasms or her joints would lock. We knew it meant a shorter life span, but…. She wasn't supposed to die at nineteen!" 

Keith had no idea what that disease was. He vaguely remembered the phrase from a TV show, but it wasn't something he knew as a fatal disease. Not like cancer or Huntington's. 

"So how…?" Keith hesitated, not really sure what he was allowed to ask and what Lance was willing to say or what he even wanted answers to. 

"The disease messed with her lungs. She had a respiratory problem, and that was linked to a cardiac problem and-" Lance shook his head. "I was dazed most of the time, but… we were gonna go to the beach and she just… couldn't breathe. So we took her to the hospital and the doctor said she'd gotten an infection. Then, before they were gonna release her, something with her heart-" Lance sighed and out his hands to his forehead. "A- arrhythmia or a clot or no not a- I can't remember. I just remember being shoved out of the room and falling apart in the hallway." 

Keith bit his lip and wondered if he could reach out for Lance. If he could hold him or not. 

"Hospitals weren't new. We were there for… sprains and check ups a lot. But this time… felt different." Lance's tears came quicker, and this time it did make Keith panic. "I lost her. I wasn't even in the room with her, I went to get her food and I came back and her uncle, he-" He started gasping for breath, and Keith moved to wrap his arms around him. Then Lance cried out, "I lost my angel.  _ Mi morena _ ." 

Keith froze as he watched Lance break down. He didn't know what to do. Something ugly and heavy settled in his chest, something he tried to ignore. But the way Lance said that, the way he cried…. 

He wondered if Lance had ever moved on from this girl. 

"H-how long ago was this?" 

It took Lance a moment to catch his breath. "She passed away a little after we finished our freshman year. Maybe two or three weeks after…. So almost two years ago." Lance stared at the table with raw, red eyes. He was in some distant place Keith couldn't reach. "She made poetry so easy. I wrote her poems when I was falling for her. When we were together. When she got hospitalized. And when she died, I couldn't write about anything that wasn't her. I got so sick of it, so frustrated that I would cry every time I wrote a line, that I decided not to write anything if it was about her. I haven't been able to write anything since." 

The fact that this girl still had so much of Lance after two years made Keith feel unsettled. He felt horrible for it, because he knew death was hard, and he knew Lance had every right to mourn, but…. He couldn't help but ask himself what that meant for him and Lance. Did he truly know Lance after all? Was everything they had in her shadow? 

"Why didn't you want to tell me before?" Keith asked softly, keeping his expression under control. 

Lance's expression on the other hand showed all of his pain and frustration. He turned to Keith and took his hands. "You already thought I would disappear, I don't-I didn't want you to think- I… I don't know. I wanted to be sure you knew I was serious about you and that I wouldn't scare you off with everything. I felt guilty, I felt like…." He sighed and pressed his forehead to the back of Keith's hands. "I'm not over her death, Keith. It still hurts. I still dream about her. And I've hid it from you before because… I know it's more than you signed up for-" 

"You dream about her?" That ugly feeling stirred in him again as he thought of Lance dreaming about his girlfriend when Keith was holding him. Lance lifted his head and stared at him with shining blue eyes. He nodded slowly. It wasn't just her death. "You're not over her, are you?" 

Lance opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Keith felt something break in him, something fragile and confusing. 

"Keith, it's just… I liked her for so long and when we got together we fell in love and- and we had all these plans for marriage and a family and they just disappeared." 

"I get it," he whispered. He cleared his throat, careful about every movement and every word. He stood up and tried not to flinch when Lance stood up quickly to pull him back. "I just… I need a minute-" 

"Keith, no, please. I know- Look, it doesn't change everything I feel for you-" 

"Just give me a bit to wrap my head around this," Keith said, grabbing him by the arms to keep Lance at a distance. 

"Keith don't leave. Please don't go, I'm sorry-" 

The way he spoke through sobs broke Keith's heart. He shook head and cupped Lance's face. "Hey, don't be sorry. Don't be sorry, okay? I'm not leaving you. I promise." He kissed his cheek softly, suddenly feeling like a real kiss would be inappropriate. "I just need some time to process everything, okay, to think through it-" 

Lance shook his head and hugged him tightly. "No, no, no," he moaned. "Don't go, Keith."

Keith took a deep breath and hugged him back for a moment before pulling his arms away and peeling Lance's arms off of him. He knew Lance was about to panic, but he didn't want to say something stupid on an impulse. He needed to think and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Lance. 

"Sweetheart, look at me." Lance's teary eyes met his and managed to break Keith's heart further. "I'm not leaving you. I'll come back I promise, just please give me some time. Please." 

"Keith…." Lance looked like he wanted to say no, but he let go and stopped trying to pull him back. 

"I'll be back. Promise," Keith said softly. He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, but not before he heard another sob from Lance. 

He gripped his keys in his hand so tightly that the various jagged edges dug into his palm. He grit his teeth, carrying the weight of Lance cries and all the new information and his own disgust with himself at the bitter feelings he had. 

How could he be jealous of a dead girl? 

_ We fell in love.  _

Keith hurried to his car and turned on the engine. He sat with his head against the steering wheel as he tried to get a grip. Then he took a deep breath and started driving. 

His brain swirled with everything Lance told him. The sick girlfriend, the death, the history, the obvious way it still tore him apart. 

How had Keith not seen it sooner? How could Lance possibly be that good at keeping his pain to himself? Keith should've noticed something. Had he consoled Lance after dreaming of her? And what did it say for them and what they had? 

Keith didn't even realize how much Lance was still hurting. Lance was so good at hiding it. Didn't that say something about them? 

Why was Lance even with Keith if he still loved this girl? Keith wanted to be okay with it, he wanted to say it was fine if Lance still loved her, but if he was honest he didn't know how to say that and mean it. 

Keith had put down so many walls for Lance, and he never even thought about how many Lance might have. Even when he let Keith into his poetry, he hid parts of. He hid the parts with  _ her _ . 

It felt like he'd had something stolen from him. And it hurt. 

He pulled up to his driveway and parked. He sat there for a while. He wasn't sure for how long, just that it warranted Shiro coming out to knock at the window. But Keith couldn't move. He just stared at the wheel and the little Toyota logo, following the circle with his eyes. 

He heard a muffled call of his name, but still couldn't bring himself to respond. Shiro banged on the window and shouted for him, which made Keith jump and suddenly he couldn't breathe. 

"Keith, open the door!" Shiro said frantically. Keith fumbled for the lock and the door opened immediately as Shiro crouched down to look at him. "What's wrong? What happened?" 

Keith wanted to form words. He wanted to pull himself together and stop shaking and stop breathing so fast and he just wanted to sit in his room and figure out a way to be okay with everything. 

He was vaguely aware of Adam coming out too. "What's wrong with him?" 

"He won't tell me," Shiro snapped. "Keith, look at me." 

"I'm fine," he muttered. Shiro was about to respond with the obvious, but Keith shoved his hands away and turned the car off. "I'm fine!" He rushed past them, telling himself that he just had to make it to his room. 

He shut the door and ran his hands through his hair. He felt like he had no right to fall apart this much. He left Lance after a vulnerable confession and Lance was the one grieving. 

But his brain couldn't stop creating all kinds of convoluted ideas. He wondered how many photo booth pictures Lance took with her. How many prizes he won for her. If he drove her to eat at the same places. No matter how many times he told himself it didn't matter, his heart felt like it did. 

Keith thought this was a new thing for them both. Now he wondered if Lance saw this girl in him, if he was a sort of replacement, someone for Lance to settle for. Those same doubts from the beginning were swarming in his head, and he hated it. 

An anxious, insistent knock on his door made him tense. "Keith? Did he do something to you?" 

Keith growled and shut his eyes. "No! Just let me handle this!" 

"Keith-" 

"For fuck's sake, Shiro, for once just let me deal with something by myself!" 

The silence that followed made Keith feel even worse. Logically, he knew Shiro was just worried. He knew that Shiro had helped him through a lot before. He just didn't know how to even begin with everything running through his head at the moment. Shiro's adamant pushing wasn't helping him at that moment. 

Besides, Keith didn't need someone else telling him he was a bad person for feeling jealous of a fucking ghost. For feeling bitter towards something in Lance's past neither of them had control over. 

Memories of the night before bloomed behind his eyelids. The way Lance reached for him, the way Keith felt something entirely new by being with Lance in that way. He thought of the warmth that pulsed through him as he slowly fell asleep against Lance, so used to the feeling of someone in his arms now. 

He wondered if Lance dreamt about his  _ angel  _ last night. If his night with Lance had been taken by her. 

He pushed his palms against his eyes angrily, trying to keep the ridiculous tears burning his eyes from falling. He wouldn't cry.

Keith realized he had no idea what death could be like. He'd been left behind by different people, always by choice. Even as a last resort sort of choice, but… still a choice. He'd never experienced what it was like to be left by someone who didn't want to leave, who wasn't ready to leave. The only person he knew who he could feel that way about was his biological dad, but he never even knew him. He didn't feel the pain that came from his loss. 

But Karina had. 

He reached for his phone and dialed her number. The last time he saw her was for Thanksgiving. He'd called her twice in the last two weeks just to awkwardly say hi.

She picked up after a few rings. "Hey, Keith! How've you been?" Keith hesitated, not trusting his voice. "Keith? Is everything alright?" 

"C-can I come see you?" 

There was a brief pause. "Of course you can, kiddo." 

"I'll be there soon." He hung up and started for the door. He didn't see Shiro and while it made him feel unsettled, he was also thankful. He needed to fix one thing at a time. 

The drive to Karina's blurred by for him. He was busy replaying everything Lance told him. He wondered if Karina would be upset with him for reacting the way he did.

She was pacing outside on the porch when he pulled up. She frowned and hunched into herself as Keith got out of the car. 

"Keith? Are you okay?" she asked as she met him halfway. 

"I don't… I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do." 

Karina grabbed him by the shoulders. "Come inside, it's cold." Keith followed her and let her sit him on the couch. "What's going on? Did something happen with your parents? With Shiro?" 

"N-no. It's Lance…. He told me…." Keith paused and looked at his hands. "Just don't think I'm a bad person…." Karina's eyes widened as she looked at him. "He had a girlfriend. I thought she'd… cheated or something. He never talked about her. Never even said he dated someone else. Today… he told me that… that she died and he- he isn't over it. And I get that, I do, but the way he talks about her, I just don't know what to think or do and I feel horrible for feeling the way I do right now so I left and-" 

"Hey, hey, hey!" Karina interrupted, putting her hands on his shoulders to settle him. "Easy there, kiddo. I've had my share of bad people, and I promise you could never be one. Now why don't you tell me what's going through your head?" 

Keith took a breath and shut his eyes. He wanted to be honest. If he couldn't tell Lance, he needed to tell someone else. "I just feel… like this whole time he's been in love with someone else. I'm not saying I want him to love me, but… it feels like I've been sharing him without realizing it or…. If you saw the look in his eyes when he talked about her…. He was just gone. Somewhere else and I had no idea how to bring him back to me, but that's so selfish! At the same time though, how could he have hid this from me for as long as he did? It's like I don't even know him, I mean… it felt like two different people from one moment to the next and I thought…. I thought…. I don't know." 

"Did he say he still loved her?" 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and fought back the sting in his eyes again. "I asked if he was over her. And he said he'd planned a whole life with her. Marriage. Kids. All of it." He shrugged and felt the knot in his throat grow to the point of being painful. "The only reason he's with me is because she's dead…." 

"Keith…. You can't- you shouldn't think that way. All those maybes and what ifs will only drive you crazy. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but what does it matter? He's with you now and regardless of what might have happened if this girl did or didn't die, the fact is she did." 

"Do you still love my dad?" he asked softly, not wanting to look her in the eyes. But when the quiet stretched out, he let his eyes drift back to her. 

There was a melancholic look in her eyes. Not as sad as Lance's, but still in that distant place. "Yeah. I do. He was everything I needed. He helped me and he loved me and he gave me you. And every time I look at you I see a little more of him, and even though it hurts, I'm glad you have so much of him. He was a good person. And all these years later he holds my heart." 

All these years. Keith was 22 now. Karina mourned for that long? What did that mean for Lance?

Keith put his head in his hands and pulled at the roots of his hair to ground himself. "How so I make myself be okay with this? With knowing he'll always love someone else? I want to be okay with it for him, but I don't… I don't know how. I don't want to have a grudge with a dead girl I never even knew, but it hurts to think that… that everything I do will always be compared to her." 

Gentle hands pulled his hand away from hair slowly. "Who said you were being compared?" Keith remained silent. "No one said you had to be okay with this right away. That's probably why he hid it until now. Mourning someone is… a lot of baggage to carry. If you're panicking like this now, what do you think would've happened if he told you right away?" 

Keith knew. He knew he would've turned right around and found someone else to flirt with. Lance's calls would've gone ignored. Keith would've brushed him off more than he had at first. 

"I can't tell you the things you want to know, kiddo," she said softly. "That's something you have to talk to him about. Ask him, explain, hear him out too. He's the only one who can tell you why he told you now, how you can both work through it, what he wants to do next." She sighed and took Keith's hand in her own. "But you shouldn't feel like you don't know him. When someone you love dies, you do change as a person. I wasn't the same girl before your dad died and after. And I'm not the same person I was then now."

"It's not like he was just more mature or sadder or…. He was different in bigger ways. He would write poems for her. Read her books of poetry. He's never even picked up a pen to write a grocery list around me. He read me some of his poems once after an argument and even then, he hid the ones about her. But everyone who knows him- his friends, his sister- they say he's a writer. His poetry books are collecting dust on his bookshelf. It was… such a big part of him and I haven't seen it in action." Keith took a shaky breath. "He's an emotional person. He cries when he's happy, when he's upset, when he sees the St. Jude donation commercials, when he sees a romance film. I thought I could read him well at this point. Then he tells me that in the ten weeks I've known him, he's still been grieving her, loving her, dreaming about her, and…. How could I not have seen that?" 

"Maybe you did see that pain, and you just didn't know it was for her. Kiddo, I'm sure that not everyone knows the things you know about him. The things he cries about. The books on his shelf. And maybe there are things you know about him that his girlfriend never did." She nudged him so he could shift to face her. "It's not a competition though. And listen…. I haven't fallen for anyone since your dad passed away. But I know that if I ever did in the future…. They'd have to be a pretty amazing person." She smiled and touched his cheek lightly. "It's okay that you're freaking out right now. But now the next step is up to you. Are you willing to stay with him knowing he might always have a piece of him saved for her? It's okay if you don't know how to reach the point of being okay with it, but are you willing to try? Because it sounds to me like you wanna be okay with everything. It could help him to know that too. You're allowed to tell him you're confused and not okay right now, but also tell him if you're willing to work on it. With him or on your own."

"I do. I wanna be okay with it, I wanna tell him it's okay, but… I also have questions and I don't want to hurt him by asking them." 

Karina nodded in understanding. "I think he'd prefer answering your questions over watching you tear yourself apart without answers. Besides, if it's any consolation… I think it says a lot about him that he told you this at all. And that you didn't even hesitate to say your problem was not knowing how to be okay with it rather than being upset with him. He trusts you. You care about him. Don't let that go." 

Keith looked at the table and tried to believe that Lance trusted him. Even if he hadn't told him before, he did tell him now, and… like Karina said there was a reason for it. 

"I wanna understand him. But I'm so scared of what he'll tell me." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean… I want to know why he loved her so much. What he felt when he lost her. When he started seeing people again, why he bothered seeing me. But I'm scared to learn about her because then I'll see her in everything and I can't do anything about that." His voice shook, and he willed himself to pull it together. "A selfish part of me wants him to forget her, but I know that wouldn't be right. I know he can't. And I know I shouldn't ask that of him. But I'm so tired of shar-" Keith growled as he felt his voice break. He would not cry about this. 

"Sharing what?" 

Keith realized he had never told Karina about what his past relationships had been. How his high school boyfriend had been shared with a lanky new freshman. Or how Roland had been shared with the world because no one knew about them and it felt like he'd still liked his girlfriend the whole time. Or how most other fucks after that were guys drunk enough to cheat on their girlfriends with a guy. He thought he was done sharing when it came to Lance. 

He thought he finally had someone to himself for once. 

He shook his head, not wanting to think about all of that again. "Nothing. I'm just scared to know everything I want to know." 

"Kiddo, I'm gonna be honest with you. If he loved her as much as he said he did, I don't think he could ever let her go completely. There will always be a part of him that will miss her and love her because she was taken from him. I don't know him well, but from what you've told me with the sweet things he does and how he came out to his brothers over break, I know he cares about you too. And maybe he will love you one day, just as much as he would even if this girl hadn't been part of his life." She tousled his hair gently. "He's gotta have a lot of strength to be able to let someone new in the way he did with you. Don't overlook that." 

"Are you sure I'm not a bad person?" 

Karina laughed and put an arm around him. "I'm positive. You're just a 22 year old. You're figuring it out." She hugged him tightly. "Now go talk to him. He must be driving himself crazy right now." 

Keith sniffed and nodded before returning the hug. "Thanks, Mom." Karina's arms hugged him tighter for a second. "I should go. I'll… call to let you know what happens." He stood up and rubbed his face, trying to refocus. He needed to get back to Lance. 

Karina walked him out to his car and eyed him nervously. "You okay to drive, kiddo?" He nodded. "Do me a favor and text me when you get there? So I know you're okay." 

"I will," he promised. "Thanks again… for talking to me." 

"Anytime, Keith." She smiled as he turned the car on. Then she stepped back and let him reverse. 

Keith grit his teeth and gripped the wheel hard. He hoped Lance wouldn't be angry, but he also wouldn't blame him if he was. Once he reached the apartments, he sent Karina a text to let him know he was at Lance's, then another to Shiro to let him know where he was along with a promise of an apology. 

Then he got out of the car and started making his way up to Lance's apartment. 

When he reached the door, he knocked, but there was no answer. He tried the doorknob and realized it hadn't been locked. 

"Lance?" he murmured. He went inside but didn't see him. He shut the door and walked quietly to Lance's room. Everything looked untouched, but the closet door was open.

When he opened the door further, he saw Lance sitting on the ground, staring at a shoebox. 

"Lance?" 

Lance looked up at him, confused and surprised. "Keith," he breathed. "Keith, you came back." He scrambled to his feet and wrapped his arms around Keith, collapsing against him. 

"I told you I would," Keith said, holding him tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-" 

"No," Keith said sternly, grabbing his face between his hands. "Don't. Don't say sorry. You have nothing to say sorry for." 

"I should've told you sooner, I should-" 

Keith shut him up with a kiss. It wasn't a soft kiss or a needy kiss. It was just a kiss that could be enough for Lance to know Keith wasn't angry with him. For Lance to know Keith still wanted to be with him.

Lance's face was wet with tears, and Keith hated that he'd made him cry this way. "I'm sorry I left. I know you needed me here-" 

Lance shook his head. "It was a lot I know." 

Keith shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "I want to be honest with you okay?" Lance stared at him with frightened eyes and nodded. Keith cupped his face, wanting to erase the fear and pain. "It hurts to know you love someone else while you're with me." Lance's face began to crumble, so Keith tried to speak quickly. "But I know death is hard and I know you might never be over it. I know she'll be part of you and I- I promise I'll learn to be okay with it." 

"Keith I-I…. Yes I love her. But I still like you so much more than you can even imagine. Okay, you gotta understand, I didn't think I'd meet anyone I would care about or want a relationship with after Allura. Then I meet you at a party I wasn't even going to be at, and…. Baby, you've made everything better. Things are colorful again, I'm… I'm me again, and I'm happy and it's because of  _ you _ ." Lance took his hands and kissed them. "You gave me a reason to hope,  _ mi vida,  _ and I would do anything to help you see that." 

"Don't cry anymore, sweetheart," Keith whispered. "I don't want to make you cry." 

Lance shook his head. "It's not…." 

Keith followed his gaze to the shoebox still on the floor. "What is it?" 

Lance sniffed and picked up the box. "I just… I thought I could start to let go. But I can't even open the box."

The shoebox looked dusty. The outline of fingers along the edges where Lance had grabbed it was the only sign that it had been disturbed. He wondered what might be in them. Part of him figured he didn't want to know. He knew it had to be memories of her. Pictures? Letters? Scraps of things he wouldn't understand because they were meant to mean something to Lance, not to him? 

No, Keith didn't want to see the memories. He didn't want to feel like an intruder. 

But Lance was holding onto him, his head rested against Keith's shoulder as he sniffed and shook. Keith took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around him tighter. 

Lance couldn't do it alone. And Keith couldn't handle these insecurities on his own either. 

"You don't have to let go, Lance." A heavy sigh fell from Lance's lips. Keith bit his lip. "You wanna show me what's in the shoebox?" 

"You don't have to do that-" 

"Lance," Keith said with a tired sigh. "I think… it could help both of us…. If it becomes too much, I'll tell you, but…." Keith looked at the box on the floor and the gray tinge it had. "This is part of you. I want to know, and… and you don't have to do it alone."

Lance hesitated and picked up the box. He stared at it for a while before shaking his head. "I'm not ready for this one right now…. But… but when I am… I do want you with me." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. Lance put the shoebox back up on the shelf of his closet. He turned back to Keith and shrugged. "So… where did you go while you were gone? To the graffiti?" 

"What? No. I went home. Then I called Karina." 

Lance frowned. "Your birth mom? For what?" 

"I went to talk to her. I… I wanted to understand your side and I thought she could help because she lost my dad and…. I just needed…." 

Lance raised his eyebrows and looked at Keith sadly. "Why didn't you just ask me?" 

Keith rubbed his face. "I didn't want to make you more upset. I… I feel like a bad person for feeling the way I do about it. It's selfish. I didn't want to tell you." He sighed and began to thread his fingers between Lance's. "I feel like… everything we do is like an echo of her with you now. I feel like I'll start comparing myself to her because I… I feel like she knew a different you. The real you." 

"The real…. What?" Lance pulled away from him and walked out of the closet back to his room. "What is that supposed to mean? You think I'm not real with you?" 

"I didn't say that," Keith answered, following him out. "I just mean that…. Your poetry-" 

"Again with the poetry?" Lance sighed and sat on his bed with his head in his hands. "I told you why I stopped. I'm sorry you didn't get to know that part of me, but I'm still me." 

"It's your major, Lance. Everyone says you've done it since you were little. Can you really tell me it's not a big deal that you gave it up? That's like… me giving up dance and saying I'd still be the same person." Keith sat beside Lance and watched as he deflated slightly. He reached over and turned his face so those pretty blue eyes were looking at him. "I know you. I know how much you can feel, I know that you know all the words to the Shrek movies, I know you eat in patterns, that you can't drive until everyone has their seatbelt on in the car, and that you sleep till noon whenever you can, and that you like to towel dry your hair. I know you love your family more than anything in the world, how loyal you are to Hunk and Pidge, how much you care about your sister and brothers." He smiled sadly. "I know the real you in that sense. But you hid… so much. Your writing, your grief, your fears. They're part of you too and… and I don't know what to think about the fact that I couldn't even tell there was more to know."

Lance stared back at him, his eyes watering. He wiped his eyes and sniffed, turning away from him. "She was so much of my writing. How was I supposed to explain that to you? And if I show you now…." He shook his head. "I've wanted to write something for you. I've had the words at my fingertips, but I… I feel like I'm spitting on her memory. Like I shouldn't write if it's not about her. And I don't want you to think… that if I did write you something that it means any less." 

Keith felt like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. "You've wanted to write me a poem?" What had he done to inspire words in Lance? What words did Lance want to string together? What were the phrases building in him waiting to spill onto paper? What words made Lance think of him? "Really?" 

"Of course I have…. I like writing about important things. And feelings I wanna capture. And a lot of those happen with you." Lance leaned against him. "Keith, I'd do anything to show you that what I feel for you is real and strong. You're not an echo of anyone." 

"What was she like?" Keith whispered. He felt his heart hammer in his chest as he asked. He was terrified of what he'd hear. Afraid that they'd be similar, afraid they'd be to different, afraid to hear the love in Lance's voice. But he wanted to know. He needed to figure out a way to make sense of the way Lance could love her and still want to be with him.

"Keith…." 

"I wanna know. Tell me about… Allura." 

Lance looked at him uncertainly for a moment before he stood up. He went to his bookshelf and pulled out a journal. When he brought it back, Keith recognized it from the day Lance read some poems to him. Lance opened it to the very back. He pulled out a photo, and Keith felt his stomach twist. 

"I took this about a week before she got hospitalized." He held the photo out as Keith tried to keep his hand from shaking. 

He took the picture and looked down at it. He felt a strange relief when he saw that she wasn't Asian. It was ridiculous but… relieving. 

She had dark skin. Long, wavy hair fanned out against a blanket as the sun shone on her. High cheekbones and long limbs. Keith tried to picture her with Lance, but it felt strange.

"She's beautiful," he murmured.

Lance sat back down beside him. "She wanted to be a dancer. She'd been in ballet when she was little, but once her sickness got worse, she had to stop. It was too much and she risked getting hurt. So she took to reading. She liked history a lot." Keith scrunched his nose and Lance laughed. "I know, I'd say the same. She was so smart. And she was so sweet. She liked to sing Spanish ballads and she had a beautiful voice." Lance took Keith's free hand and held it tightly. "One thing she was similar to you about was her stubbornness. You're both stubborn as all hell." Keith bit his lip and tried to breathe steadily as Lance spoke. "She loved my writing. She was the most supportive person. She'd help me revise and edit and rewrite. She was my muse." 

Keith let out a slow breath. "I- I'm sorry you lost her…." 

Lance wiped his eyes and shook his head. "Keith…. Listen to me, okay?" He stood up and knelt in front of Keith, taking both hands in his own. "I like you so much. I fell in love with Allura, and yes, I planned a future with her, but that changed. Okay, and I thought I'd end up alone, I was sleeping around to tell myself I was moving on, to feel something other than pain and then- and then I met you. I don't know what it was, but just seeing the way you walked through the crowd and the way your eyes skirted over everyone… I could never forget the way you looked when I first saw you. No one had drawn me in that way since I lost Allura. And every day I'm with you, I wish for a thousand more. I might live with… with this hurt in me for the rest of my life, but having you with me makes it easier. It's easier to breathe, to laugh, to… to feel like I can be okay." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and bit the inside of his cheek hard. "I don't want you to feel like you're sharing me with anyone. Everything we've done and everything we've had has felt new to me. It's ours." 

Keith pressed his forehead to Lance's and shut his eyes. Hot tears streaked down his cheeks. "I just want you to be sure…. That you're okay being with me. You said you felt guilty-" 

"No, no, no, baby." Lance brushed his tears away with warm hands. "I thought if I moved on… if I let someone new in my life, that I would be… forgetting her or something. But I know that's not true. And I deserve to be happy again, and you make me happy." Lance kissed him softly and smiled at him. Even puffy eyed and red-faced and covered in streaks of tears and a runny nose, Keith thought he was the most beautiful person in the world. 

The way he felt things was beautiful. The way he spoke was beautiful, and maybe it was a hint of what he could write. The way he made Keith feel was beautiful. He thought Allura was lucky to have been the first to experience it. Keith hoped he would be the last. 

"I understand if you want to take back your question," Lance whispered. "If you wanna wait and… and see how we handle this for a bit before we make us official. Though I think you should know my answer won't change. I'm yours. And whenever you're ready, I'd love to call you mine too." 

Keith sniffed and stood up, pulling Lance up with him. "I don't regret asking. Not in the slightest." 

Lance smiled sadly and nodded. "But…." 

"But…." Keith sighed. "I do think we both need time to let all of today… sink in." He kissed him gently and smiled. "But I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" 

Lance sniffed and nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me." He hugged Keith tightly, hiding his face in his neck. "Now can we  _ please  _ have some hot chocolate as comfort food?" Keith laughed and nodded. Lance sighed, going nearly boneless against him. "Thank you. For understanding. For staying. For trying." 

Keith wiped his eyes and kissed Lance's temple. "Thanks for giving me a reason to," he whispered. "Come on." 

Lance nodded and pulled away to put the photo back in his journal and the journal back on his bookshelf. 

A much needed silence overcame them as they walked hand in hand to the kitchen. The sound of residual shaky breaths and sniffs along with the clatter of a pot and the swish of milk were the only things to disturb the quiet. 

They both sat down on the couch. Lance put Netflix on to give them something different to think about. But the look in his eyes told Keith he was still in that distant place. And Keith was in his own. He held his mug in one hand and held Lance's hand in the other. His thumb ran across his knuckles gently. 

"Lance?" He hummed and turned to Keith. "I think… maybe you should write again. Write about her." 

Lance's eyes widened. "Oh. I don't… I don't know. I feel like I'd write the same poem again and again." He shook his head. "I told myself I wouldn't if-" 

"If it was still about her. But you don't want to write about anything that isn't her either. Maybe it's going to be the same in writing. Maybe you'll never be able to not keep coming back to her somehow. And if it's for my sake…. Lance, I don't want you to give up such a big part of your identity just because you don't want to upset me." 

"It's not just you. Honestly… I'm scared. I'm scared it'll be about her. I'm scared it won't. I'm scared I suddenly can't write anymore because it's been so long-" 

Keith laughed. "That's not possible. I remember the poem's you showed me. And sometimes, the way you talk… the way you describe things…. That writer is still in you." He pulled Lance's hand to his lips. "I want to know that part of you. From what I hear, I know a lot of people would be happy to see it come back to life." 

Lance frowned and looked down. "I'll think about it." 

Keith nodded and kissed his forehead. "Well… just know that I wouldn't be upset. And I don't have to read anything you don't want me to see." Keith didn't say how it might make him a bit paranoid not knowing what all Lance would write if it was about her. But he didn't have to because he was trying to be okay with everything. 

When they were done with their hot chocolate, they laid down on the couch. Keith kept Lance in his arms and idly ran his hand through his hair. He hated knowing how much pain he'd felt before. He hated knowing how ignorant he'd been about it. 

There was a strange and primal urge to protect Lance from anything that might hurt him. But how could Keith protect him from memories? Especially when he wanted to encourage this writer part of Lance he didn't know. 

If he couldn't protect him, he wanted to at least… help him through it. 

"Lance?" he whispered. Lance hummed. "Can we…?" He sighed and shut his eyes. "No more secrets. Please. Not important ones. I feel like an idiot for not having noticed how much hurt you were hiding." 

Lance pulled himself up to look at him and Keith opened his eyes. "I'm sorry…." 

He shook his head and gently traced his finger over the bridge of his nose down to his lips. "No, I mean, I get it. I know why you…. I just want to know when you're not happy too." 

Lance scrunched his nose. It was kind of adorable and Keith felt his heart clench. "You do know everyone knows me for being happy all the time, right? Like, even at home, if I'm not telling jokes, my family immediately knows something's up." 

"But you're  _ not _ happy all the time." It occurred to Keith that he had never seen Lance upset of his own accord. The first time was because Keith started an argument about his poetry and once that was resolved, he was only frustrated momentarily when Keith told him about Roland. Lance really did seem like the kind who was never upset. Aside from his reactions to movies and things he read, Keith rarely saw him seriously upset. 

Wasn't Keith supposed to know him better than that?

"I try to be." Lance regarded him steadily. "I just feel like… well no one likes dealing with the bad stuff. I don't like people feeling like they have to help when I'm sad or angry or…. I don't know. Even when Allura died, I just got really distant until I could put up a face long enough for people to think I was okay again."

Keith frowned. He was starting to get frustrated. Didn't Lance understand what he meant? Didn't he get why it felt so wrong to Keith that he didn't know so much about him? 

He tried to keep his temper under control. He didn't want an argument just because he couldn't find the right words. 

He sighed and tried to figure out a way to explain. "Okay…. You know how… how you could tell something was up before I even told you? How you could tell people had been assholes to, that I had… a lot of issues basically?" 

Lance hummed and nodded slowly. "Because of how you acted. Or some of the things you'd say." 

"Okay, well…. I didn't pick up on anything from you. I figured you got heartbroken because Pidge mentioned you being more yourself or something. I thought you had an ex who hurt you and that's why you didn't wanna talk about it. And the fact that I couldn't pick up on what really happened, that I couldn't tell something was wrong…." He sighed, feeling the frustration rise again. 

"It's not because you don't know me," Lance whispered. "I have a big family,  _ príncipe.  _ I had to learn how to have a poker face. It was the only way to have privacy. If you didn't catch on it's because I didn't want you to." Keith wasn't sure what face he made in response, but he knew that it made Lance laugh softly. "Don't pout. It's just…." Lance sighed and shifted to sit up. Keith stayed still, watching him. "This is gonna sound dumb, but bear with me, okay? I don't like showing people when I'm upset because I feel like… like when I need someone to help or comfort me, it's a burden. Like me having problems is a problem for other people, and they only help because… I don't know, they feel obligated. I don't like that feeling, so I just prefer to keep it to myself and just… look on the brighter side of everything so I can just… keep everyone else happy…. I know,  _ I know  _ it's not sensible. But that's how it feels and I can't help that." 

Keith bit his lip and reached over to grab his hand. "I get that. But also…. I asked you to be my boyfriend. That's me signing up for helping when something's wrong. Not out of obligation." Keith pulled himself up and leaned into Lance. "But because I Iike you. A lot. And it's something I wanna do for you. I wanna be helpful and comforting for you like you are for me." 

Lance looked at him, eyes darting back and forth between Keith's eyes. "What if it makes you stop liking me?" he whispered

Keith smiled and shook his head slowly. "Not possible. I'm in way too deep to stop now." Lance chuckled, but his eyes looked pained and Keith noticed the way their color saturated as they filled with tears. "You don't have to change for me. I don't want to force you to do something you don't wanna do. But I want you to know that if you needed it…. I'm here. I want to be here for you." 

Lance shut his eyes and leaned into him, lips ghosting over Keith's. "You're everything I never knew I needed." 

Keith's heart clenched at that. He never thought he'd be someone that important to someone else. Each time he felt he might be, reality hit him like a train. But now, Lance constantly made Keith feel like someone important and good and needed. Even when he fucked up and felt like he still wasn't good at this, Lance made him feel like he could be someone half as important for him as Lance was for Keith. 

He closed the space between their lips and cupped Lance's face with both hands. Lance hummed softly before becoming compliant and melting into Keith. Keith pulled away only slightly to press chaste kisses to the side of his face and against his neck. Lance laughed at the feather light touches and squirmed in Keith's hold. 

"Who'd have thought Keith Kogane could be such a cheesy romantic?" Lance said softly, playfully. 

Keith stuck his tongue out at him. Lance laughed and laid down to rest his head on Keith's chest as Netflix played. 

He sighed heavily and ran his hand through Lance's hair. "I should get going. I have a test tomorrow and I haven't studied. Plus I need to talk to Shiro…." 

"Shiro? Is everything okay?" 

"No, yeah, everything's cool. I just might've… worried him when I went home. And I snapped at him when I really shouldn't have…. Also I should probably mention something about the dance competition this week." 

Lance pulled himself up and looked at Keith worriedly. "What is it?" 

"Um. My foster parents are going…. And so might Karina depending on her work schedule." 

Lance's eyebrows went up as he stared at Keith. "So I…. I'm meeting…  _ all  _ of your parents that night?" 

"You don't have to! I-" 

"Of course I have to, I'm not gonna avoid them, that's rude! But holy shit. Oh man." Lance buried his face in Keith's chest and groaned. "I'm nervous now," he said with a muffled voice. 

Keith chuckled and hugged him. "It'll be okay. They already like you. Because I never talk about who I'm seeing so they know you're a big deal. And Karina likes hearing me talk about you." Lance grumbled incoherently. "I'll be with you. And so will Adam and Shiro. Plus aren't Hunk and Pidge going too?" More grumbling as he nodded. "See? It won't be too bad."

"Alright, alright. I'll try to be calm. I need to work on some final portfolios too though, and you my lovely koala, are a distraction. So let me know when you get home and let me know what happens with Shiro, okay?" 

Keith nodded as Lance kissed him softly on the lips before clambering off of him. He walked him to the door and extended their goodbye a few more kisses before the door slowly closed. Keith sighed and went back to his car to go home, wondering how he could make it up to Shiro.

His stomach tightened when he pulled into his driveway behind Adam's car. He wished Adam wasn't there. He loved the guy but when it came to moments like these, he just wanted a bit of privacy. 

He walked into his house and saw Adam and Shiro on the couch watching something. Shiro looked over at him, but Adam looked at Shiro. 

"Hey," Shiro said. 

Keith offered a tight smile and nodded. "Hey." He glanced at Adam who seemed to get the hint. 

"I should get started on grading those papers at home," he said. He got up and kissed Shiro softly. "I'll see you later." He went to the door and gave Keith a one armed hug. "You okay?" Keith nodded and Adam just smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "Good. I'll see you later. Good luck on finals." 

"Thanks." Adam left, leaving a tense silence behind. Keith stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked over to the couch to sit next to Shiro. "So… hey." 

Shiro turned the TV down. "Everything okay with you and Lance?" Keith nodded. "That's good." 

"I'm sorry." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I shouldn't-" 

"Sorry, I didn't hear that." Shiro tilted his head toward him, and Keith realized what he was doing. 

He punched his arm and growled. "Asshole, I'm trying to apologize!" 

Shiro laughed. "I know, but it's a rare thing to hear from you. Can you blame me?" Keith rolled his eyes. "But seriously. Look, I know you're an adult and you can handle things on your own. Even when you first came to our house, you weren't a little kid. You were almost fifteen, and I know I still treated you like a kid." 

Keith chuckled. "I mean. I still had a hippo blanket." 

Shiro smiled. "I'm sorry too if I overreacted. It's just… the way you looked when you got here…. I panicked. I thought about Roland and I thought about-" 

Keith grimaced and shook his head. "No name. No name." 

Shiro nodded. "Well… No Name. I thought Lance had done something to you and I felt guilty because I let my guard down and I just… I got scared. But you were right. There's things you need to handle without me." 

"It's good to know you'll always have my back though." Keith sighed and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry I freaked you out." 

Shiro shrugged. "You wanna tell me what the hell was going on?" 

Keith took a breath and began to explain everything from the way he'd asked Lance to be official to all the revelations and how confusing it felt. He told him about seeking Karina out because of her experience, which Shiro hadn't known. Then he told him about going back to Lance and deciding to wait a little more. 

"It's still a little weird for me…. I can't help but be a little jealous. If he does write about her, I think it'll bug me a bit, but I also want him to because I know writing is important to him." He shrugged. "I just wanna see how it goes for us now. I want to be sure I can get over myself." 

Shiro hummed and looked at him with a steady gaze. "That. And you don't want this girl between you two at the start of your relationship." 

Keith sighed. "Is that selfish…?" 

Shiro shook his head. "I don't think so. Just be honest about it." He tilted his head and offered a smile. "Are you okay, by the way? It was a lot to be told. A lot to come to terms with within a day." 

Keith bit his lip. "I think so. Like I said, I'm still a bit uneasy, but I want to figure it out. I want to be with him. I just need to find a way to sort my emotions out." 

Shiro's eyebrows went up. "Wow. You've come a long way, Hippo." Keith snorted and shook his head. "You did a good job figuring this one out on your own." 

"Thanks…." Keith smiled shyly, starting to feel that awkward cheesiness of moments that were too personal. "Anyway, what are you watching?" 

Shiro rolled his eyes, but he allowed the subject to drop. 

Keith didn't watch TV for long. He had exams to study for, and he had to be up early for another rehearsal the next day. 

The rest of the week was tiring and long. Keith saw Lance after rehearsals so they could eat together, either on campus or away or with Hunk and Pidge. But then they'd split so they could focus on their studying. Lance needed to seclude himself to focus on his portfolios and projects, and Keith just couldn't fully focus without getting distracted if he was with Lance. 

By the end of the week, Keith was ready to drop. Except he couldn't because he had a performance the next day.

Lance decided to sit in on their last rehearsal. They'd agreed that by the end of it, Keith would go to his place to help him pack so he could go home that weekend for break. Keith hated the idea of being away from him for so long, and since he hadn't spent the night that whole week, he'd hoped to get his fill of cuddly Lance in that night.

As the team was cooling down, Keith plopped down beside Lance and leaned his head against him. "I'm tired," he groaned. 

"Nervous?" 

Keith bit his lip. "A little. At least James caught on quickly. I want it over with. My dreams are riddled with rehearsals and competitions gone wrong." Lance laughed and wrapped an arm around him. "Excited to go home?" 

"Yeah, but also sad to be away from you for so long. Also very nervous for tomorrow to meet, y'know, your whole family…. Just lots of emotions right now." 

Keith hummed and interlocked their hands. "They'll like you. They already do. I mean you're the only one I haven't kept a secret or lied about, so…." Lance raised an eyebrow and gave him a sideways glance. "I'm just trying to reassure you." 

Lance shook his head and chuckled. Alexa and the others started to leave, tossing a goodbye in their direction. "How come Colleen doesn't stay at your rehearsals?" 

"She did, but she has her exams at this hour. She stays in the morning though. She will also be there tomorrow, so another person who is on your side." Lance rolled his eyes as Keith stretched forward to touch his feet before sitting back up with a sigh. "Ready to go?" 

Lance nodded. They picked up some food before heading to the apartment where Lance immediately began to work on a suitcase. Keith sat at the desk with their food as Lance moved back and forth between him and the closet. 

Keith couldn't help but let his eyes drift to the top shelf where the box was. Unopened. 

"Keith!" 

"Yeah?"

Lance frowned and followed his previous gaze. His expression fell and he dropped another shirt into his suitcase. He walked over to Keith who tried to play innocent. "I was asking about your Christmas plans…. Where's your head at?" 

"Nowhere. Just here." 

Lance pursed his lips and tilted Keith's face toward him. "You want me to open the shoebox, don't you?" 

"No! No, not if you're not ready. It's fine." Lance sighed and looked at him tiredly. Keith shut his eyes. "I guess… I just wanna know what's in it that you're so scared to open it. That's all." 

"Then ask me that," Lance said softly. "They're just photos and little snippets of memories I kept. Her favorite scarf, a note she left me in one of my books, pressed flowers she used to keep. Stuff like that." 

"Ah." Keith stifled the jealousy trying to bubble up again. He thought of the tickets and photos he saved as memories of his times with Lance. "So why are you scared to open it?" Feelings. Feelings would resurface. Suddenly Keith didn't want him to open it either. 

"I don't know. I don't want to feel sad about her death again. Not that intensely. Literally opening a box of memories would be… painful." Lance took Keith's hands in his own. "You okay?" Keith nodded. "You don't have to be. That's the point of us waiting a bit more to be official, right? To see how we handle this?" 

"I know. I know, but that shoebox and your journals are gonna be part of this. I have to be okay with knowing and seeing some things and not knowing or seeing others. I just need a little minute to talk myself down, you know?" 

"Talk yourself down…?" 

Keith took a breath and explained. "My first reaction… is a shitty one. It's… jealousy and frustration and…. So I have to think through it, you know? Until I rationalize through it and… remember stuff you said and what I promised." 

Lance ran his hands through Keith's hair and hugged him. Keith leaned into his torso, his hands wrapped around his waist. 

"Thank you for trying so hard for me,  _ mi vida.  _ You don't know what it means to me." He kissed the top of Keith's head before pulling back. "If you have questions, you can ask, you know? I know you might not always like the answer, but… you don't have to just accept things because it's about her." 

Keith nodded, tilting his face up toward him and puckering his lips for a kiss. Lance smiled and obliged, kissing him gently. 

"Do you need any help with packing?" 

"No, I'm almost done. I'm sorry, baby, I know you're tired and you've got a big day tomorrow. I'll clear the bed so you can sleep, alright?" 

Lance kissed his forehead before pulling away. As soon as he moved the suitcase and pulled back the covers, he ushered Keith to change into a pair of PJs and get in bed. He laid down, watching Lance move back and forth before sitting on the floor to fold his clothes properly into his suitcase. He zipped his suitcase, dumped the trash from their food into a bin, then got into bed beside Keith. 

Keith put his arm around him and smiled at the way Lance returned the embrace. It was warm and comfortable, like they were meant to fit together. 

An unnecessary thought tried to creep its way into his head, but he forced it away. He was in this moment. In this space, in Lance's arms, fitting perfectly with him. And nothing else mattered except that and getting a decent sleep. 

***

Surprisingly, Keith woke up to Lance pressing kisses to the side of his face. He wasn't sure what time it was, but the fact that Lance was awake before him had to say something. 

Then he felt a hand sliding down his chest. 

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "What are you doing, pretty boy?" 

"Giving you a great start to a big day." Lance clambered over him. "Morning, sleepyhead." 

"Time is it?" Keith mumbled, feeling his heart speed up as Lance shuffled under the covers. 

"Almost one. You've got plenty of time." 

Keith scoffed, surprised that he slept in so much. Lance pressed his mouth to a steadily increasing length through the fabric of sweats Keith was wearing, and Keith bit his lip to hold back a surprised gasp. 

His breaths came faster and he couldn't help but squirm as Lance moved to pull away his clothes. A hot tongue pressed against him, a hand wrapped around him. Keith shivered and let out a soft moan. 

Then a distant knock made them both freeze. Lance scrambled up from between the covers. 

"Expecting someone?" Keith asked. 

"No. Pidge and Hunk text bef- fuck. It can't be Vero already." Another distant knock, this time more insistent and shortly followed by a notification sound from Lance phone. "Shit." 

Keith laughed and nudged him off. "It's okay. I'll be out in a second just let me wash my face." Lance nodded and kissed him quickly before hurrying off the bed and grabbing his phone. 

Keith got up and went to the bathroom to cool off. He heard the door open and a shout of surprise. Various voices drifted through the wall, and Keith figured Hunk and Pidge came with Veronica. 

He left the bathroom once he was a little more presentable and headed toward the living room. 

Then unfamiliar voices registered in his head and he froze. But he was already too far down the hallway, and several pairs of blue eyes had already seen him. Two older versions of Lance with slightly different details stared back at him as Veronica waved happily and Lance gave him an apologetic look. 

"Uh…. Hi?" 

Loud Spanish filled his ears as the two guys hurried toward him. "He's even more attractive in person, dude. Nice job!" the one with longer, shaggier hair than Lance said. He had the same wide smile and the same dimple, only this one had stubble. 

"It's great to meet you, man! We've heard a lot about you," the other said. He had darker hair, slightly shorter the the first's, and a slimmer build than both Lance and the other one. His smile was basically identical to the others. 

"Uh… you must be… Lance's brothers." 

They both nodded, staring at him with cocky little smirks and excited sparkling eyes. 

Lance walked toward him and shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Keith, I had no idea they were coming too." He glared at his siblings. "You could've told me so I could give him a warning!" 

"And miss the look of sheer embarrassment on your face right now?" the second one said. "Nah." He turned to Keith and arched an eyebrow. "D'you spend the night?" 

Keith felt his cheeks heat up, but Lance punched his brother's shoulder. "Luis,  _ porfavor!"  _

Keith cleared his throat. "If you're Luis, then you must be Marco," he said looking at both brothers. 

"Yep! Easier way to remember is that I'm the one with kids, as you can tell by the bags under my eyes." 

Keith chuckled and nodded. "Excited for today, Keith?" Veronica asked as she made herself at home on the couch. 

"A little nervous. You're all going?" 

"Duh! We gotta support our baby brother's man, you know?" 

"Luis," Lance groaned into his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Keith." 

Keith had to laugh at Lance's embarrassment. It helped to know he wasn't the only one trying not to panic in that moment. "It's alright," he whispered. 

"Lance,  _ manito,  _ you should know you're not on our nice list right now. You were gonna have Vero meet him again while we remained oblivious?" Luis said, plopping onto the long couch. "Fucked up, man." 

"Yeah, well, I wanted to ease him into my big, overbearing family okay?" Lance sighed and stood beside Keith. "You alright?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"You haven't… moved." 

"Oh!" Keith hurried to sit on the couch, but Lance's siblings still burst into laughter. 

"We don't bite," Marco said with a wide grin. It was almost chilling how similar the guys all looked. 

"So… where are the kids. Um… Sylvio and Nadia, right?" 

Marco nodded, suddenly brightening. "Yeah those are my little monsters. They're with their mom. I didn't even tell them I was coming, they would've begged to come, but we haven't explained… uh, well  _ you _ to them yet. And they might not keep quiet with our Ma." 

Keith nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense." Keith cleared his throat, trying not to squirm under the curious eyes on him. Years of instinct kicked in, and Keith lifted his chin, kept his expression blank except for a slight smile, and kept his movements measured. 

Inside he was a tidal wave of panic and unease, but he made sure to look calm and in control on the outside. Meanwhile, Lance was very tense and uncomfortable. He was tense, his knee bobbed up and down obnoxiously, and his eyes kept flitting around. 

"Ignoring the awkward air you guys are creating," Veronica said as she splayed across the arms of the couch, "how were finals?" 

"Mine were alright. I don't know if I got A's on them all, but I know I passed them," Keith said. "The classes were fun, but the essay questions on the finals were nuts." 

"What's your major?" Marco asked. 

"Psychology. And a philosophy minor but I finished those classes." 

"Damn,  _ flaco.  _ You got yourself a hella smart one," Luis said. Lance blushed and fidgeted. "What about you? How'd the portfolio for your writing class go?" 

Keith struggled to keep his confusion from showing. A heavy weight settled in his chest. 

"It was fine. I used some crap from high school for the assignments so they obviously needed editing, but I didn't have to write anything new." He shrugged and Keith glanced at him, wondering why the hell Lance hadn't told him about that either. They'd agreed; no more secrets. 

"Still not writing?" Veronica asked, her tone soft. 

Lance rolled his eyes. "Can we not do this again? Especially now?" 

The McClain siblings shared and look before dropping the topic. At least now Keith knew. He knew why and he knew the backstory. Now he didn't feel stupid.

"Anyway, are you guys hungry? I could see if Hunk is up for making a pre-show lunch?" 

"Hell yeah, I love his cooking," Marco said. "It could rival Mami's." 

"I'll tell her you said so," Luis said. Marco flicked him. 

"Cool, lemme call him." Lance got up and started back for his room. 

Keith followed with his eyes before Veronica nudged his foot. He looked at her and she gestured toward Lance. "You should calm him down. He looks like he's about to have a panic attack." 

Keith didn't say anything before he got up and went to Lance's room. 

He was on the bed, leg still bobbing up and down and his hand in his hair as he scrolled through his phone. "Hey." Lance looked up and let out a breath when he saw Keith. "You alright?" 

"Yeah. Just… don't want them to scare you off." 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. "I told you. I'm in too deep to go anywhere." He walked toward him and sat down beside him. "I should be the one freaking out." 

"You are," Lance pointed out. "You got all 'stoic-faced, mysterious bad boy' with them. You do that when you're nervous and don't want anyone to know." Keith chuckled and felt some his unease melt at the way Lance knew him so well. "You're upset about the writing class. I saw your look." 

"I didn't have a look." 

Lance looked at him, unimpressed. "You give me a side glance and flare your nostrils when something I do or say bugs you." 

"You're too observant." 

Lance smiled. "I was a writer. Old habits die hard." Keith took his hand. "I didn't tell you about the class because I didn't want anyone getting excited about it. I'm a writing major, I have to take these classes. But like I said, it's all old work that I half-assed and I don't plan on anything new anytime soon."

"Okay," Keith murmured. "I believe you. You gotta relax, pretty boy. I can handle your siblings. Call Hunk and Pidge. You always get a little calmer with them around." 

Lance nodded and dialed Hunk. Keith sat beside him and held his hand tightly. As Lance spoke, Keith busied himself with counting the freckles on his hand. 

"They're all here, man. By surprise. Yep. Would you be up for cooking a meal at my place before the dance competition? Yeah of course we'd help…." Keith snorted and Lance elbowed him. "Oh. Um. He knows it's at my place right? So… I'll be here. Uh, okay lemme ask. No it's cool hold up." Lance tilted his phone away. "Hey so…. Hunk is asking if it's cool for Roland to come." Keith raised an eyebrow. "I know. He says he's been really lonely and he doesn't wanna just leave him alone. Roland says he'd be up for it if you are." 

Keith took a deep breath and sighed. "Sure. It's already ridiculously awkward. Why not?" Roland had been staying with Hunk for a while now, and Keith wondered if he'd gotten a chance to see his mom and brother at all. He didn't blame him for being willing to come over if everyone else had cut him off. 

Lance chuckled nervously then put the phone back to his ear. "Yeah, it's cool. Okay I'll see you soon. Drag Pidge over here too. Bye!" Lance hung up and gave Keith a wide smile. "Awkward group lunch is a go. What a perfect way to relax before a major performance, koala." 

Keith shrugged. "There are worse things." 

Within the next hour, Lance's apartment was full of people. While it wasn't a ridiculous amount, the small space made it feel crowded. It reminded Keith of the parties he would rope Shiro into throwing. 

Roland came in with a sheepish expression behind Hunk and mumbled a thanks for letting him come over. Lance was kind as ever, assuring him it wasn't a big deal and to make himself at home. It was a bit comedic seeing his reaction to the McClain siblings gathering around them to greet Hunk and Pidge. 

The smell of food quickly filled the space as Hunk took over the kitchen. Roland stayed near him to help whenever he needed it and to stay away from any awkward situations. 

Meanwhile, nervousness began to eat at Keith. He'd slept so much of the day away and he began to get anxious over time. Would he be able to eat before he had to meet his team? Were they ready for competition? It wasn't the major competition, more of a showcase for the public. The public would decide who won, not actual judges, so it wasn't really a huge deal. At the same time, though, Keith really wanted to win. It didn't help that so many people were going to see him. He was used to Shiro. Sometimes Adam tagged along when he had time. 

It made him slightly dizzy to think that everyone here,  _ and _ Shiro and Adam,  _ and  _ his foster parents  _ and  _ his birth mom would be there today. Somewhere between Lance becoming the victim of Marco's tough love headlocks, he slipped away toward the guest bathroom and tried to calm down. 

It was all muscle memory and focus. Everything would be fine. He had several hours before the performance, and half of the people going had already seen him in a dancing environment. This was something he was good at, something he was proud of. 

There was a knock at the door and he called out, "Just a sec!" He sighed and shook himself out, composing himself before he had to go continue making an impression on his sort-of-not-quite-yet-boyfriend's brothers. 

When he opened the door, he was surprised to come face to face with familiar hooded eyes. Roland took a step back. "Sorry. Just wanted to see if you were alright. You looked kind of… off." 

"I'm fine." 

Roland nodded. "Right. Um. Are you ready for the show tonight?" 

"Ready as I can be," he said with a shrug. "James caught on quick after you helped him through some of it. He just has an attitude problem." 

Roland smiled and arched an eyebrow. "You're one to talk." Keith crossed his arms, but Roland lifted his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying! You know I'm right." 

"Whatever. So… how do you like staying with Hunk? Have you gotten a chance to see Benny?" 

Roland's smile faltered. "Yeah. I went a couple times while my dad was at work. Didn't really know how to explain why I was gone, you know? My mom doesn't say much. Just asks if I'm okay and lets me hang out with him for a while." He shrugged. "Hunk's cool. He tries to include me in a bunch of stuff so I can be distracted. Cooking or movie nights he has with Pidge and… well today. He always bakes cookies when I get back from seeing Benny." Roland smiled again. "Kind of ironic that your boyfriend's best friend is the one helping me out." 

Keith didn't bother correcting him that time. He liked how it sounded. It made his heart stutter, and they were halfway there already. "Don't make it weird," he said with a light hearted roll of his eyes.

Before Roland could answer, movement from the corner of his eyes drew both their attention. Lance was at the end of the hallway, smiling as he walked toward them. "Hey. Everything okay?" 

Roland tensed almost immediately, but he nodded. "Yeah, I was just about to get back to Hunk. Lunch is just about ready." He gave Keith one more small smile before walking away quickly. 

Lance let him pass then walked the rest of the way to be in front of Keith. His dimple didn't show despite his supposed smile. "What?" Keith asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Nothing…. Just wondering what he was doing over here." 

Keith snorted. "Just checking on me. I was getting anxious and I needed a moment." Lance frowned, and Keith immediately reached over to smooth out the furrow between his eyebrows. "You jealous or something?" 

"Of course not!" he answered indignantly. "Just… making sure he's behaving himself…." Keith scoffed and shook his head. "Anyway, why anxious? Is it my siblings? I know we can be a lot when we're together-" 

Keith reached over to put his hands on either side of Lance's face, squishing his cheeks together. "You guys are fine." Keith smiled as he recalled the way Lance still seemed flustered with having Keith and his brothers and sister in the same space. "I like seeing you guys interact. It's kind of cool seeing the relationship you guys have. And you are adorable." Lance grumbled. "I'm just nervous about tonight." 

Lance pulled his hands away from his face and leaned into Keith's ear. "We could say we're getting something from the store and I could try and help it go away? My plan to help your nervousness was interrupted before…."

Keith gulped and chuckled softly. He put a hand against his chest to push him back. "As tempting as that is," he said in a low breath. "The idea of sneaking off and coming back to your siblings makes me a little uneasy. Plus it'd be rude to leave so many people at your place." Lance huffed, making Keith chuckle. 

"Well, come eat a little. My brothers' antics might help you take your mind off things."

Sure enough, throughout their meal, Marco and Luis managed to distract Keith. The only thing was, they switched his nervousness from the dance competition to making his first impression. He'd been taken by surprise enough at first that it hadn't fully registered he was actually meeting them. 

Now, as Lance sat beside him in the living room, he was well aware of the two pairs of blue eyes scanning him and scrutinizing him, occasionally sharing glances. Roland was quiet and stayed nearer to Hunk and Pidge if Hunk was gone. Hunk and Pidge and Veronica had no problem going off on their own conversations. 

"Is he always this quiet?" Marco finally asked Lance.

Keith felt his cheeks burn, but felt the need to speak for himself. "Around new people, yeah…. Sorry about that." 

"The staring doesn't help," Lance said with a slight edge.

"Sorry! Sorry. It's just…. It's different actually seeing…." Luis trailed off and blushed as well. "Okay, well what are your plans after the competition?" 

He shrugged. "I don't really have any. You guys leave afterwards, right? My parents might go to dinner, but that's an awkward situation I still don't… know about." Keith trailed off not wanting to explain too much. 

"We don't have to leave right away. Honestly the later it is, the less traffic we'll probably hit," Veronica said. "If you want us to stick around." 

Keith smiled and nodded. "Of course." Honestly, he was hoping to find a way to make a better impression on Lance's brothers. He knew his awkward quietness was often misconstrued and standoffish. The only reason they didn't think he was an asshole was probably because of Lance. 

An alarm went off, making Keith jump. That meant he had to get ready and go within the next hour. 

"I have to get going. Most of my stuff is at Shiro's, and we're meeting with Colleen at the main building," Keith said softly to Lance.

"I'll walk you out." 

Keith smiled and stood up to turn to the others. "Thanks for the food Hunk, it was amazing. I'll see you all at the show. We can figure out what to do afterward," he offered. 

"Sounds like a plan," Veronica said. 

"Break a leg, man," Roland said with a smile. Keith smiled back a little awkwardly, but still with sincerity. Echoes of the phrase followed as everyone wished him luck. 

Lance took his hand and walked him out, past the front door, past the main lobby, all the way to his car. "We can do this whole Meet-The-Siblings thing again another time," Lance offered. "For now, focus on the performance, okay? You're gonna do amazing." 

"Thanks, pretty boy," Keith said with a smile. Lance blushed slightly. "Could I get a good luck kiss?" 

Lance rolled his eyes, but smiled as he pulled Keith toward him. His hands rested on Keith's hips and he stepped closer with that heart-melting smirk just before he pressed his lips against Keith's, managing to take his breath away. He didn't know how Lance managed so much through a kiss. 

It was a gentle kiss, with strong hands tugging him impossibly closer. Keith had his hands on either side of Lance's face, thumbs running back and forth along his cheeks. Lance's mouth moved gently, soothing Keith's anxious energy and grounding him in a reality of just Lance. 

Lance pulled away and brushed his nose against Keith's. "I'll see you there, okay? You'll be great." Keith nodded and pressed one more kiss against his lips before pulling away to get into the car. 

He could see Lance in the rearview, waiting for Keith to be out of sight before going back.

Time managed to simultaneously drag out and race forward. While Keith was anxious to hurry and get to where he needed to be, the time it took him to get home and get ready, go to campus, and make it to the downtown outdoor theater felt like it passed in a flash. 

Keith's team was performing in the second half of the night, after intermission. Keith felt himself tense further and further as he watched the groups of people come and go, curious to what was happening, and leaving when it was too crowded or they'd lingered too long. After the first few performances, Keith couldn't help but acknowledge that the skills did provide good competition. 

"Nervous?" Keith's gaze flickered from his view of the stage on the wings of the stage toward the person talking to him. James. "Me too." 

"You'll do great you picked up on it fast." 

"Well, I had a good, no-bullshit teacher." Keith snorted and rolled his eyes. "So who's here to see you?" 

"Um. My parents. My brother and his boyfriend. My…" Dammit. Keith was really tired of not knowing what to call Lance. "We're not dating, but he's-" 

"Ah, a boy toy?"

"No!" Keith snapped, turning to glare at James. "He's not a boy toy. We just haven't made it official. He's here with his siblings and some friends." James hummed. "Who's here for you?" 

"I didn't invite anyone. I get too nervous." Keith nodded and turned back to the current performance. This one was one of the weaker ones. One dancer kept lagging behind and the movements didn't seem to match with the rhythm of the music. "Intermission is after this. Two more groups, then us." 

"Thanks. I want everyone gathered as soon as intermission is over. I want us on deck to be on deck." James nodded and turned away. 

"You seem to have warmed up to him," another voice said. Keith turned and saw Alexa sipping a large drink as she stood beside him. He eyed the drink, but didn't say anything. 

"Once the back talk stopped, he became tolerable." Keith grimaced. "I've never felt this nervous before." 

"Don't fucking drop me." Keith rolled his eyes at her. "Come on, intermission is gonna start. Maybe you could get a little pep talk from your not-boy-toy." 

"Jesus, how long were you standing behind me?" 

Alexa just laughed and gestured him to follow. "Come on, I saw Lance and some guy who looked like him walking around with popcorn." Keith followed her as the last group received their applause and left the stage. 

The crowd dispersed to get food, walk around, meet up with those who had already performed. Keith walked with Alexa until he noticed the McClain siblings with Hunk and Pidge and Roland. 

"Jesus, you can tell they're related," Alexa muttered. Keith snorted. 

"Keith!" Lance broke away from the group to meet Keith halfway and hug him tightly. "Hey, Alexa. When do you guys perform?" 

"We're the third group the next half," Alexa said. She nodded toward the others. "What's with the clones, Danny Phantom?" 

"Okay, one-love the reference. Two- these are my siblings. Marco, Veronica, and Luis. Guys, this is Alexa. She's Keith's dance partner. And over here, this is Hunk and Pidge." 

"Oh wait, you're the girl who did the shot challenge that one-" 

"Don't remind me," Pidge said with a groan. "I think I nearly died that night." Keith frowned before recalling the time Lance mentioned Pidge getting sick.

"Nice to meet you. I'd been wondering who that was," Alexa said. She sounded kind of impressed. "You doing alright, Roland?" 

He nodded, but didn't say anything more. Lance looked at him then looked at Keith. "Hunk and Pidge are gonna split from us to watch so they can stay with Roland." Before Keith could ask why, Lance continued. "He doesn't want Shiro to see him." 

Keith grimaced and nodded. Beside him, Alexa let out a low whistle. "The tension never seems to lessen when I'm around you guys." 

"Why do you always have to point it out?" Lance groaned. 

She shrugged. "I'd rather not beat around the bush." Keith sighed and shook his head. "I'm gonna get started on stretching." She punched Keith's shoulder playfully. "See you in a few." 

Keith turned back to Lance. "Have you heard from Shiro? I can't have my phone on me, so I don't know where they are right now. Or if my parents made it. I'm really nervous, and I don't like that." 

"Okay, okay. Easy. Come here." He pulled Keith away from hearing range of the others. "Look, most of us have already seen you perform. And you're amazing. You're so good, and it's something you love to do. Just think about that when you're up there. You told me dancing saved you. Gave you something to turn to, something that was yours. Show us that. Show  _ me _ . I won't take my eyes off you." Lance kissed him chastely and smiled. He hugged him tightly and discreetly moved his lips next to Keith's ear. "And trust me, I'm gonna find a way to get you alone at some point tonight and show all of my awe and appreciation." 

Keith gasped and buried his face in Lance's shoulder. "Your siblings are  _ right there, _ " he chided. 

Lance only laughed and kissed his cheek. His hands ran through Keith's hair soothingly. "Okay, ignore the last comment. But I mean everything else." 

Keith hummed. "I didn't say I wanted to ignore it." Lance smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I should get going. I'll introduce you properly to my parents once the performances are over." 

Lance bit his lip and took a deep breath. "Cool. Okay, get up there and kick ass,  _ príncipe."  _

Keith smiled before turning away to head backstage. His group was there already, stretching and joking with each other. About ten minutes later, the performances started again. Keith took deep breaths to calm himself down. Once his group had to be on deck, he pushed past own anxiety to try and help the others with their own nervous jitters. 

He reminded them to focus and have fun, that they'd practiced and rehearsed for a long time, and this was their chance to showcase it. 

When his group got called on stage, there was the usual polite applause before a performance. Keith heard a couple whoops, and he was positive two of them were Lance and Shiro somewhere out in the crowd. 

Keith took a deep breath. He was good at this. He loved dancing. He just had to let the rhythm wash over him and everything else would fade away like it always did. 

The music began. The energy of the music tensing, the audience waiting to see what the group would do, the dancers preparing for their movement, all of it fed Keith until it burst at the drop of the beat. Suddenly, there was movement all over the stage, synchronized so naturally it felt like breathing. 

He could hear the occasional gasp that flickered through the audience at a particular move or for a certain dancer. He heard them singing along. When he managed to look out, he saw some people swaying to the beat or singing along. 

The music washed over him, taking the anxieties away. Even when he caught Karina watching from one spot with a candy apple in her hand or his parents and Shiro and Adam in another spot, it didn't faze him as much as he thought it would. 

His body moved by habit, the movements automatic in the memory of his muscles. The cheers and whoops made him feel almost powerful. 

By the time the two songs they'd mixed together were over, Keith was breathing heavily and energized and sweaty. The cheers were more authentic this time, and the whoops were even louder. The first pair stayed on stage as the other hurried off. A quick on stage change brought on another cheer as the dancers revealed their second dance costume underneath. 

Alexa stood beside him and bumped him with her hip. "Ready?" she whispered. He nodded. The others were scrambling to change into their respective costumes in the small closed off section backstage. It was the one downside of an outdoor theater and stage. Although it did allow for a way bigger audience. 

By the time Keith and Alexa got back to the stage, the second couple was bowing and heading off stage right as James and Erika were going up. 

Keith held his breath. James was still new, and to Keith, it was clear in the hesitance of some of his movements. The audience, however, didn't seem to notice. Once they were done, more applause and cheers rose from the crowd. They exited, and Keith walked to the center with Alexa. She squeezed his hand and they both took a deep breath before bowing their heads. 

The music was slow, but it still had adrenaline pumping through him. Keith could hear the reaction of some who liked the song. His hands were steady and confident as he moved with Alexa. At some point as Keith had Alexa in front of him, he looked out at the crowd and spotted Lance and his siblings closer to the front. 

God, Keith loved the way Lance looked at him when he danced. The awe in those gorgeous eyes made him feel special like no one had ever made him feel. Lance's whole body was slightly pitched forward and he was grasping Veronica's hand in his own. He was smiling, looking so proud and so amazed, Keith couldn't believe it was for him. 

When he lifted Alexa up over him, he heard a gasp from white a few people. He noticed the way they winced, expecting her to fall. But it had gotten easier and easier to lift Alexa, and he knew he wouldn't drop her. When he saw Lance, he wasn't wincing. He wasn't tense. He just looked certain, mystified as a smile tugged at his lips. Knowing how confident Lance was Keith's abilities boosted his own confidence.

He imagined Lance in Alexa's place, and suddenly the dance meant more. Suddenly, his movements weren't just fluid by memory, but by emotion. He shut his eyes and realized he was being more expressive than usual. 

When Alexa slid down his body, he heard a few immature whoops from guys in the audience while also hearing some coos from girls. Then Lance's favorite part. The part that always made Lance go crazy. 

Alexa ran toward him, shoving him back. Keith took his measured stumbles before pulling her back in and reversing every move. As people caught on, he heard the gasps and whispered comments that fluttered in the wind. 

It was like everyone was holding their breath. Up until Alexa and Keith ended up in the original positions, adding a moment to collapse on the floor and curl into an embrace. 

The cheers were revitalizing. But nothing could drown out the very clear cheers and whoops that came directly from Lance. No shame, no hesitance, no restraint- just unabashed hollering from him, cheering Keith on. 

Keith and Alexa got up and, dizzy with relief, Keith pulled her into a hug. She smiled and high fives him before they bowed and hurried off stage for the next couple. 

"We fucking did that shit!" Alexa said with a relieved laugh. "We did good." Keith chuckled and nodded as they rejoined the others who had already performed to watch the rest. 

It was out of pure politeness and the fact that colleen would wring their necks if they left that they stayed for the last performance. Everyone was tired, hungry, and cold. 

They waited to change and, after signing a sheet that would help Colleen know who left and who she still had to keep track of, they immediately dispersed into the crowd. 

Shiro found him first since he already knew where to wait for him. Adam was next to him, smiling. On the other side of Shiro, were their parents. They looked… proud. His mom looked close to tears, giddy with energy. Keith had never seen such a big smile on his dad's face since Shiro's college graduation. 

"Amazing as always," Shiro said, quick and to the point because he knew Keith got uncomfortable with anything mushier. 

His parents on the other hand…. 

"Keith, honey, you were- oh my goodness you were wonderful! I'd never seen you like that, it was a whole new side, and it was incredible! Honey, you did so great!" His mom gestured with her hands, obviously trying to reign herself in. 

"You should be proud of yourself, son," his dad said, putting a hand on his wife's shoulder. "We know we are. We'd heard of your performances, but getting a chance to see it…." His smile softened. "Thank you for inviting us." 

Keith blushed at the praise. "Thank you guys for coming." He hesitantly stepped toward them and gave them both a nervous hug. His dad seemed just as nervous. His mom simply hugged him tighter. As he stepped back he noticed an uncertain movement in the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Karina waving awkwardly. "Hi, Karina " he greeted, just as nervously. 

She smiled and stepped forward, keeping her distance. "Hey, kiddo. You were amazing up there." 

Keith rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Thank you. I'm really happy you made it. Um, you know my parents and Shiro. This is his boyfriend Adam." 

Karina nodded and awkwardly shakes their hands. "Yes, hello." His foster parents hesitated, but remained polite, and their smiles seemed sincere enough. "I think someone wants you, by the way, kiddo," she said, gesturing behind him. 

Keith turned to see Lance shuffling nervously between his siblings, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, and his face surprisingly red for such dark skin. He felt nervous butterflies burst in his own stomach as he smiled back.

He walked over to him and held his hand out. "You okay?" he whispered. 

"Totally," Lance answered, sounding very much not okay. He put his hand in Keith's, and Keith tried to ignore the giggling and smirking from his siblings. 

He turned back to his parents only to find the same knowing smirks on their faces. Keith felt himself turn red, and he squeezed Lance's hand for assurance. 

"Um, Lance this is my foster mom and my foster dad. This is Karina, my birth mom. Guys, this is Lance." 

"H-hi. It's plice- I mean nice- it's a pleasure to meet you… all." Behind them, Keith could hear Lance's brothers stifling laughter. "Please,  _ please  _ ignore my brothers." 

Keith laughed nervously beside him and looked at his parents. They looked amused. Curious. Maybe even fascinated. 

"I've heard a lot about you, Lance. It's plice to meet you too," Karina said with a wink as she shook his hand. 

Lance half-laughed, half-groaned. 

"Keith talked about you enough that I feel like we already know you," Keith's foster mom said. 

"Oh my God," Keith muttered under his breath. "Um… so… are you and your siblings leaving or…?" 

"We can stay for a while longer. It's not a long drive at all, especially if Marco drives." Lance smiled. "You were breathtaking by the way." Keith felt himself get impossibly redder. He could barely breathe. "Hunk and Pidge are near the funnel cakes, if you want one." His eyes flickered over to a funnel cake stand. 

Keith was about to say he didn't want any, but he looked over and saw Roland next to Hunk, looking over nervously. "Oh. Okay. You'll be okay?" 

Lance looked at the three parents as well as Shiro and Adam who were smiling at him in a way that gave Keith first and second hand embarrassment. "Yeah. Go ahead." 

Keith hesitated, but he walked over to Hunk and Pidge anyway. They congratulated him on a great performance and Pidge made a comment about how proud her mom was of him too. Roland was off to the side, clearly staying out of Shiro's line of sight. 

"You were great. As always," he said with a smile. Keith gave him an awkward smile, unable to keep the memories from resurfacing in his head. The playful, secret kisses as Roland showered him in compliments when they first got together, the way Roland always said Keith had been born to be a dancer and followed with, "and I was born to watch you dance." 

Roland wasn't obnoxious about his feelings. Keith really couldn't tell if Roland was still into him or not. He'd been good about keeping his distance and being respectful, especially to Lance. 

"The new guy picked up on it fast," Roland continued. 

"Yeah, he's gotten better. The team does miss you though. You coming back by chance?" 

Roland sighed and shrugged. "I dunno about that. Stuff is still kind of scrambled…. But you should enjoy tonight. I guess those are your parents over there? All over Lance?" Keith looked over his shoulder and winced when he saw the way the three of them surrounded Lance as he laughed nervously and started talking with his hands. "Meeting the parents. That's huge." 

"Yeah. That's them…. We were gonna get food, I think, if you wanna come?" 

Roland snorted. "I don't think that's a good idea." He gestured over. "I'm not dumb enough to get within 10 feet of Shiro." Keith grimaced and nodded in understanding. "It's okay…. You're lucky they care about you so much, you know?" 

Keith looked back again. His foster mom was holding Lance's face in her hands and shaking him. As much as it made Keith want to die of embarrassment, he couldn't help but also feel a little guilty. Here was Keith with his three, accepting, loving parents, fascinated and overjoyed at Keith introducing someone to them. Meanwhile Roland could only go home for a few hours on the days his dad worked as he lived with someone he hardly knew except as his sort-of-ex's sort-of-boyfriend's best friend. It didn't seem fair, and suddenly Keith wanted Roland not to have to see any of it. 

"I'm sorry," he finally said, though he wasn't sure why. 

Roland didn't look surprised though. Just exasperated. "I said you were lucky. That's not something to be sorry about." Keith shrugged, and Roland rolled his eyes and laughed. "Go save him. He looks afraid. Have a great dinner. You guys did great today, I have no doubt the school placed in the top three." 

Keith wasn't sure if he was going to go in for a hug or not, but then Roland just smiled and walked over to Hunk. He whispered something to him, and though Hunk looked worried, he nodded and made a promise of some baked thing Keith hadn't heard of. Roland said bye to Pidge and then started to head out, staring at his phone. 

Hunk and Pidge joined him when he got back to his family, so he introduced them too. Lance visibly relaxed a little once his friends got there, but he still immediately reached for Keith's hand when he was close enough. 

"He's very attractive," Karina whispered when Lance pulled away to greet his friends and bring his siblings into the group. 

"And such a sweetheart," his foster mom added as she stood on his other side. 

"Man, most people only deal with one mom trying to embarrass them and now I have two." He turned to them, smiling at their expressions of pure joy. "But really. Go easy on him. He's really nervous." 

"We'll be plice, don't worry," Karina said. His mom burst into giggles beside her. Keith rolled his eyes, but he had to admit he liked seeing his moms get along. Of course it was going to be over a boy Keith was seeing. 

"So, everyone here going for dinner?" Keith's dad asked. 

"If it's not a bother. We'll pay for ourselves," Veronica said, pointing to herself and her brothers. 

"I'll cover me and Pidge," Hunk said. 

"Of course it's no bother," his mom insisted. "We'd love to get to know you all. Especially you!" She squeezed Lance's face between her hands and smiled before ushering them all to get moving. 

Keith had to groan and blush, but Lance seemed flustered enough for them both. As they walked, Lance's brothers got on either side of Lance, obnoxiously close to the point of Keith having to stumble away. "How come Keith gets to be embarrassed and you don't?" Luis asked. 

"Yeah, isn't it only fair to your man here that we keep the level of embarrassment even?" 

"Don't. Even. Think about it," Lance said, glaring at them each in turn. Marco and Luis gave him wide, cheeky smiles and said nothing else before shoving Lance towards Keith. "I'm ready to crawl under a rock and die," he muttered. 

Keith chuckled and took his hand. "Yeah. Me too." 

"You can go with Keith, manito. Get a break from these assholes," Veronica said. "Just let me know where we're going." 

"Well Shiro usually takes me to Carino's after a performance. I think that's where we're going. Just follow Adam's car." Keith chuckled as he watched everyone walking to the parking lot, talking together. "Gotta say, this is a sight I never thought I'd see." 

"What? Your family and mine blending to make a giant arsenal of unadulterated embarrassment?" 

Keith laughed and shook his head. "No, I meant. Well, it's hard to explain. I never thought I'd see Karina getting along with my parents. And it trips up to see Shiro talking with Hunk and Pidge, but still with your siblings. And just how interested they all seem to be in both of us. I was so used to just Shiro and Adam and…. It's different now." 

Lance pulled Keith's hand up to his lips to kiss it. He waited until they were in the car to say anything else. 

"My siblings know you're important to me. They know what a big deal it is that I feel the way I do about you. And you know why now." Keith bit his lip and nodded. It was a little strange having Lance bring her up. "They already like you. They just wanna give me a hard time. As for your parents-" 

"They love you," Keith interrupted. "You're the first person I ever told them about or introduced them to. To them, that makes you a favorite. Maybe even more than Adam." 

Lance laughed and covered his face with his hands, though he still had Keith's in one of his own. "Wow. That explains the cheek pinching." 

Keith laughed and nudged his nose against Lance's. "I've told you so many times, and I'll say it again. You're a big deal for me too." 

Lance made a happy little hum. Then he leaned in to kiss him. Keith cupped his face, losing himself in the taste of Lance's lips. It was unfair how easy it was for Lance to make everything melt away with a simple kiss.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you," Lance whispered as he pressed soft kisses to the side of his face and along his neck, "because we had an audience… but you should know I go fucking crazy every time I see you dance. You were incredible and beautiful and amazing and I couldn't breathe or think or look away. You enraptured my entire being." 

Keith blushed at his words and the warmth they gave him. He felt short of breath, flustered by the praise and the feeling of Lance's lips against his neck. "I saw you looking at me," he stuttered. "I half-expected you to jump me backstage." 

Lance pulled back and frowned. "If I knew it was an option I would've." Keith laughed and kissed him on the lips again. 

A harsh knock at the window made them jump. They looked out the window to see Pidge with one hand at her hip and the other on the car. She had a mischievous little smirk that made Keith nervous. He rolled the window down, filling the car with wintery air. 

"Lance, you should know Luis seems to be permanently scarred seeing you two suck face." Keith looked at Lance who visibly paled. "So I'm here doing what he was supposed to. Keith, your parents said they're gonna head to some buffet so everyone can eat enough. They said to just follow them because they can't remember the name." 

Keith smiled and said nodded. "Got it. Thanks." 

She smirked. "Don't distract your driver, Lance." 

Lance mimicked her in a high pitched voice, which made her laugh as she walked away. 

"Alright, let's see how dinner goes," Keith said, putting the car in reverse. 

\--

Surprisingly, dinner wasn’t unbearable. It felt like an interview in a way. Keith’s parents asked Lance all the usual questions. Where he was from, what his major was, what he liked to do for fun, etc. Keith could tell it made Lance a little antsy since he wasn’t writing anymore, but he managed to stay calm, and his siblings only exchanged looks. Hunk and Pidge helped talk him up, which made Lance blush sometimes, but otherwise there were no embarrassing stories to taint his image in front of anyone. 

Meanwhile, on Keith’s side, Shiro and Adam mostly kept quiet, the former basking in the amusement of watching Keith have the spotlight for once. Lance’s brothers were easy to get along with. Luis’ demeanor had changed slightly, and Keith wasn’t sure what to make of it. He wondered if it had really been from seeing Lance kiss him in the car. Luis wasn’t rude or anything… he just wasn’t as playful as he had been before. They were both loud like Lance when he was comfortable. He wondered if it was just because they were together, because Veronica was louder than usual too, but Lance seemed quieter. 

It was kind of fascinating to see them interact because their relationships were so different from his and Shiro’s. While Marco was the oldest, he was also the most playful and the one who laughed the most and who made the most double-entendre jokes under his breath. Veronica was clearly the one who kept them in line, like the alpha of the group, but since she was also the one most comfortable with the situation, she was still the one teasing Lance the most. Luis seemed to be the most observant as well as the one most attached to Lance. If Lance moved, Luis’ eyes followed, like a protector or something. It was a strange change from the playful, almost child-like manner he’d had earlier that day. 

Plates piled up as everyone finished and went for seconds and thirds and dessert. Lance left to join Hunk and Pidge on raiding said dessert table, and Karina took the spot Lance had just been sitting in. She had a teasing little smile on her face that made Keith blush without her saying anything. 

“He’s a sweetheart,” she said. “You know, he reminds me a bit of your dad.” 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “How?” 

She smiled wider, her eyes distant in the same way Lance’s got if he talked about Allura. “He was always so considerate and thoughtful. He was like a river- steady, strong, gentle. Just what I needed. The way he looks at you reminds me of the way your father would look at me.” She put her chin in her hand. “He makes you really happy.” 

Keith chuckled and blushed, running a finger over his fork. “Yeah. Of course he does.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I guess that’s a good way to describe him.” Except Keith had seen the other side of Lance. The unsteady parts of him that needed reassurance, the weaker parts of him that needed to be held together, the fire that could flare when he was pushed to his limits. Keith felt special knowing he was one of the few who might have seen those sides of Lance. 

“It’s nice seeing you smile so much, kiddo,” she said softly. 

Before Keith could answer, Lance came back with his plate piled high with brownies, cookies, jello, a side bowl of ice cream topped with gummy bears, and chocolate dipped strawberries. He just sat on the other side of Keith, assuring Karina that she didn’t need to get up.

Keith snorted at the piled up food, and Lance frowned. “Well, it’s not all mine. The jello is yours.” 

“I’m touched,” Keith said sarcastically, taking a spoon to eat the jello. 

Once everyone had devoured their dessert, the table stayed to keep talking. His moms were talking about who knew what, but they kept glancing over at Lance. His dad talked to Shiro and Adam, occasionally bringing Lance into the conversation. Lance didn’t seem so nervous when that happened because he was already used to Shiro and Adam. Lance’s siblings were such good conversationalists that they were able to talk to everyone at least once about some thing or other. Keith watched and talked when spoken to, but mostly listened in. 

Then Veronica got out of her seat and whispered to Lance. Lance frowned and asked something in Spanish, but Veronica shrugged and responded with something else in Spanish. Lance turned to Keith and sighed. “Vero says we gotta get going so my mom isn’t waiting up for us. They’re gonna drive me home to get my stuff.” 

“Aren’t you excited to see your parents?” 

Lance smiled. “Very, very excited. It’s just… it’s gonna be such a long time away from you.” 

“I could visit? Tell your parents I’m just a friend?” 

Lance shook his head. “I can’t do that to them. I can’t lie and disrespect Mami’s biggest rule.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “No romantic interests in the house unless you plan on getting married.” Keith went red, and Lance laughed. “Yeah, it’s weird, but it’s important. I just wouldn’t be okay lying to her and lying about who you are to me. But maybe I could visit you? Maybe after Christmas and before New Year’s?” 

“Whenever you want,” Keith said with a nod. “Can I walk you out? I feel like a fish in a bowl right now.” They both looked over to find parents and siblings all quickly looking away and resuming in too-loud conversations. 

Lance laughed and nodded. “Yes, please.” 

Keith excused himself, and Lance got up to say bye to everyone. He gave Shiro and Adam hugs, his dad a handshake, and his moms hugs and kisses on the cheek. Then he took Keith’s hand and walked out with his siblings once they’d said bye as well. 

In the parking lot, Lance’s siblings walked ahead and Lance walked slowly with Keith. 

The words Keith wanted to say made his mouth tickle and his heart pound. But he knew Lance liked when Keith was vocally affectionate, and despite how vulnerable and shy it made him feel, Keith spoke anyway. “I’m gonna miss you. A lot.” 

Lance looked at him with sad, pretty blue eyes. “I’m gonna miss you too,” he whispered. He caressed Keith’s cheek lightly before leaning in to kiss him softly. "I'll call every night." 

Keith nodded. Lance's eyes were already full of tears, so Keith brought him into a hug and held him tightly. Lance's face was buried in the crook of his shoulder as his hands grasped at Keith's jacket. 

"Hey, why are you crying, silly?" 

Lance shook his head. "Just be careful okay?" 

"I will be." This was strange. Lance hadn't been this upset when they parted for their Thanksgiving breaks. "Are you okay?" 

Lance sighed. "It's fine…." 

"Lance…." Keith tilted Lance's face toward him. "No more secrets, remember?" 

Lance shut his eyes and leaned forward to lean his forehead against Keith's. "I've always had this weird fear when I leave someone. When I leave home, I say goodbye like five times before I actually go and I still leave feeling like…. I don't know. I'm scared something horrible will happen while I'm gone and…. And usually I can ignore it or push it away. But now that you know about Allura, it's just… more prominent in my head and my heart and I just…. I know it's unreasonable, but I'm terrified something will happen to you and I can't lose you, I can't go through that again, I-" 

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey!" Keith grabbed Lance's face between his hands and kissed him. His words became more frantic as he spoke and his tears kept sliding over his cheekbones and around the shape of Keith's fingers. "Sweetheart look at me." Lance opened his eyes. "Nothing is gonna happen to me. I'll be careful. I'll probably stay home most of break or hang out with Shiro. I'll message you and call you every night." Lance nodded, but his face was still contorted in worry. "It'll be okay." Keith kissed him and wiped his tears away. "Go have fun, pretty boy. Have a great holiday with your parents and your siblings and your niece and nephew. I'll be back in your arms before you know it." 

Lance chuckled slightly at that and nodded again. "I'm sorry. I know it's stupid, and I'm crying like an idiot-" 

"It's not stupid. Lance, you've lost someone before, I understand that you're afraid. And it's okay to cry." He brushed away another tear as it dropped from the corner of his eye. "It tells me you have a big heart. And I think that's beautiful." 

Lance smiled and wiped his eyes. "You're a sap," he teased. But it made Keith smile.

"Uh. Hey, Lance? We gotta go. It's freezing," Luis said, tapping him on the shoulder. 

"Yeah! Sorry. Okay, I'll text you," Lance told Keith. Keith nodded and watched him head to the car. 

Meanwhile, Luis stared at him with that same weird look he'd had all throughout dinner. "Um…. Yes?" Keith asked nervously. 

"My brother's really into you." 

Keith blushed and stuffed his hands in his pocket. He hadn't felt the cold until Luis brought it up. "I would hope so." Was he really this weirded out by seeing their kiss? 

"Don't fuck him over," Luis said bluntly. Keith's eyes widened and he felt a guard start to build up, tension as he fought the urge to talk back and defend himself. "I knew he liked you a lot. I could tell by how he talked about you. But seeing the way he acts around you is different. Lance has had a lot of crushes since he was a kid, but I only ever saw something real when he…. I haven't seen him that way in a long time. Which means he's really serious about you. And if I have to see him heartbroken again-" 

"Whoa, okay, I'm not…. I'm not planning on breaking his heart. I mean where did this come from? A kiss in a car?" 

Luis sighed and crossed his arms. "It just hadn't really clicked. And when I saw you guys…. I just realized my little brother is in a very vulnerable place again. A place he didn't expect to be in ever again. I don't fully know you, I don't know what to think about you except you made Lance realize he likes guys, you're probably boning, and you have him in the palm of your hand." Keith felt hot all over at Luis' comment. "I don't wanna see him hurt anymore." 

"I won't hurt him. Not on purpose. But…." Luis raised an eyebrow. "She didn't mean to hurt him. She couldn't help it. What do I have to do with that?" 

Luis clearly wasn't expecting Keith to know about Allura. His eyes widened and he looked back at the car. Lance looked confused as he looked through the back window. Luis turned back to Keith and sighed. 

"I know. It's just…. I've failed to keep them from getting hurt before. I won't do it again. Honestly…? It's kind of a shock seeing him with you…." Keith clenched his jaw and fought the urge to take a step back. "Not because you're a guy. Just because… forget it. Just. Don't die and don't break his heart. I look small, but I can pack a punch. Ask Marco." 

"Noted…." Keith watched Luis turn away and get back to the car. Lance immediately bombarded him with questions, and as they pulled away Veronica gave Keith a slight wave and a smile. 

Keith already missed Lance so badly, it felt like a hole had been punched through his soul. 


End file.
